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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Placerville,Ca
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    2

    Question How Does a Spouse's Felony Record Affect Child Custody

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

    I am a former drug abuser and felon who served my prison time and paid debt to society and have stayed out of trouble since being released in 2007. No criminal history of violence and/or Sex Crimes. I have completely turned my life around and married for the first time on June 23rd 2012. Unfortunately her ex-husband is a Deputy Corrections Officer(No I did not know him from my previous past) and has had big issues with me from the start, we now find ourselves in a predicament were she needs to get some modifications to their child custody (We would like for her to have 'Right of First Refusal' and a gag order on her ex and her own mother from telling the kids bad things about my wife and I) and support agreement through family court and I am gravely concerned that my past could effect things.
    I am in the process of getting character reference letters from non-family members, also recently went into business for myself , and am the primary provider in the household. we have also been attending counseling for 2 months to learn to be the best parents we can, as I am always trying to be a better person today than I was yesterday.
    Her Ex is very controlling person and has threatened to take the kids from her several times, with no real grounds at all.
    I love these kids (all 5 of them) as if they were my own, fortunately I was never able to have kids of my own due to a genetic disorder and have always loved kids and loved these kids as my own. I realize I have to be prepared to face every piece of dirt I have ever done if need be, I am deeply ashamed of my past but never afraid to face it.
    Due to the issues my wife has with her mother (MIL thinks/acts as though she is the childs mother and will not respect my wife's boundaries - Kids even call her 'Mama') , Mother is also still very tight with the ex-husband and I could see them getting together to hire a lawyer to use this in an attempt to take parental rights from my wife.
    It is my understanding from research (here and other sources) that the court is more concerned with the best interests of the child and how the family environment is today rather than focus on the past of the parents (other than if there were some Sex Offenses and possible child abuse).

    Just looking for any thoughts and advice i may have overlooked.

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    Behind a Desk
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    74,862

    Default Re: How Does a Spouse's Felony Record Affect Child Custody

    Does dad presently have primary physical custody? The right of first refusal would relate to daycare?

    What do you mean by wanting a "support agreement through family court" - that would normally be something that would have been addressed as part of the original divorce and custody action. Are you suggesting that no support order has ever been entered? If not, why not?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Somewhere near Canada
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    27,296

    Default Re: How Does a Spouse's Felony Record Affect Child Custody

    Nothing is going to prevent Dad or anyone else from telling the truth. If your goal is to prevent the kids from knowing your background, that's not going to happen.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Placerville,Ca
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: How Does a Spouse's Felony Record Affect Child Custody

    Quote Quoting Mr. Knowitall
    View Post
    Does dad presently have primary physical custody? The right of first refusal would relate to daycare?

    What do you mean by wanting a "support agreement through family court" - that would normally be something that would have been addressed as part of the original divorce and custody action. Are you suggesting that no support order has ever been entered? If not, why not?
    They Currently have 50/50 Joint Custody. The father currently uses my wife's mother (whom has never agreed with my wife's divorce in the first place and is always trying to take the place of nicole. has said things to children about me and my wife that are unacceptable, makes decisions without asking my wife, etc, completely overbearing and out of touch with the fact that my wife is the children's mother). The father currently during his days of the week has the kids stay at her house most of the time - shirking his responsibilities. My wife and I schedule permits us to have the kids during these times and she attempted a mutual agreement that they would inform eachother before taking kids to my mother in law's but he doesn't uphold it. MIL has serious issues due to the death of her son 17 years ago that she has never dealt with properly (Says our MFT). Bottom line is we need the kids away from her right now for those reasons and also the fact that she is acting morally wrong and won't respect the boundaries my wife has laid down. My wife was previously to me - extremely passive.

    The support issue is complicated but basically they agreeed to no support during the divorce due to the fact that the Ex kept threatening to contest the whole thing if she asked for child support, coupled with the fact that the Court legal aid that helped them do their divorce papers said that due to the fact that she lost her job with the Sheriff's department due to dating me (partially true, the ex-husband also works for sheriff's department and told on her and got her suspended and placed under IA investigation, She ended up resigning). Due to that fact he also made her put her previous job in the divorce paperwork which shows them making nearly the same ammount- was not true, she had already had a new job before resigning - but making half as much. She had also already been lightly looking for a different job because due to the work schedule she wasn't able to spend as much time with her kids as she would have liked to. My Wife didn't really want to go after him for child support but as recently times have been a little rough for my income , she has asked him for a little help to which he refuses and gets upset that she even asked. Additionally, the ex doesn't even realize the effect my MIL has on the children and refuses to keep children from her.

    I am not and would never try to hide my past from the children, thanks to the ex husband all the younger ones knew right after he knew(I further explained some of it to them at their level of understanding) , (he was very upset , of course). The oldest one (!5) I told the truth when it was time , and explained everything (with my wife) and let her ask any questions.

    My concerns are not that of myself but of my wife and her kids, I am hoping for some support of the fact that the criminal record is somewhat old enough, doesn't relate to the safety and crimes of the kids, and the fact that we have a excellent home life and I am a great step-father to them is more apparent to the court. I was told elsewhere because the crimes are less than 10 years old (almost 7), that the court can certainly look at it. But in reality is it really going to matter in the here and now? I don't think I could live with myself if my wife lost custody of her kids because of me - which is what this all boils down too in the end I suppose..

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