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  1. #1
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    Question How to Prove My Ex is Lying to the Courts

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Mi

    6 weeks after my son was born his father left, and we ended our relationship. The apartment we shared has a lease in his name, he called the landlord and had us asked to leave. He never moved back in. I have since been back to retrieve the rest of my things and saw that it was empty. The thing is, that the house he is choosing to stay in is unsafe for our now 13 week old son. He has told me to contact him in case of an emergency at the landline number of the unsafe home. He is still paying rent for the empty apartment, I'm assuming to maintain the address, so the other place he is actually is irrelevent for overnight visits and parenting time. Since, when I confront he tells me I'm lying, I can't prove it, he's still paying rent so it doesn't matter, or I didn't see what I thought I saw. I know for a fact he will say anything to try and gain ground for custody. Before this fiasco, he called CPS with complete lies, they investigated, found absolutely nothing to support his claims and never opened a case (they also know he tried to use CPS to gain ground for custody-whole different issue).

    Does anyone have experience dealing with this situation? Or a similar one? What can I do to prove he's not physically living there? The home he is staying in is not clean and there are guns literally scattered throughout the home... I do not feel it is safe or appropriate to be there (and he's lying for a reason obviously).

    - - - Updated - - -

    There has not been an order for parenting time/visitation yet. His lawyer is filing the paperwork and using an address that is incorrect.

  2. #2
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    Jul 2011
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    Default Re: How to Prove My Ex is Lying to the Courts

    Quote Quoting chewy219
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Mi

    6 weeks after my son was born his father left, and we ended our relationship. The apartment we shared has a lease in his name, he called the landlord and had us asked to leave. He never moved back in. I have since been back to retrieve the rest of my things and saw that it was empty. The thing is, that the house he is choosing to stay in is unsafe for our now 13 week old son. He has told me to contact him in case of an emergency at the landline number of the unsafe home. He is still paying rent for the empty apartment, I'm assuming to maintain the address, so the other place he is actually is irrelevent for overnight visits and parenting time. Since, when I confront he tells me I'm lying, I can't prove it, he's still paying rent so it doesn't matter, or I didn't see what I thought I saw. I know for a fact he will say anything to try and gain ground for custody. Before this fiasco, he called CPS with complete lies, they investigated, found absolutely nothing to support his claims and never opened a case (they also know he tried to use CPS to gain ground for custody-whole different issue).

    Does anyone have experience dealing with this situation? Or a similar one? What can I do to prove he's not physically living there? The home he is staying in is not clean and there are guns literally scattered throughout the home... I do not feel it is safe or appropriate to be there (and he's lying for a reason obviously).

    - - - Updated - - -

    There has not been an order for parenting time/visitation yet. His lawyer is filing the paperwork and using an address that is incorrect.
    Did dad sign the acknowledgment of parentage?

    If CPS was called by dad, even with false claims, CPS must open a case, so your statement that CPS never opened a case is not adding up. They must open and investigate a case and that case must remain open for 30 days in Michigan before it can be closed as unfounded. Please don't fudge the details, you won't get correct advice from ones on here by fudging the truth. Since your claiming CPS knows dad tried to use CPS by making false claims for grounds to gain custody, then CPS has what solid evidence that dad this and what action has CPS taken against dad for making false claims?

    What proof do you have that dad is actually living in another home? What proof do you have that dad does not stay EVER at the apartment, that he still has lease to and he stills pay's rent on? The home is not clean? How so, is there rats around, no running water, utilities shut off or anything in this nature? Guns literally scattered throughout the home, you have proof of that right? You have proof that the guns in this home are illegal guns? Or did the owners of said guns legally obtain those guns? What you feel is unsafe or inappropriate is not the same as what CPS, police and courts feel in unsafe or inappropriate. He could be lying to you about his business cause your no longer together, and his business no longer is any of your business.

    Ok with all that said, in Mi a father has the right to file to establish paternity/custody/parenting time and child support. You the mother also have the rights to file for custody/parenting time and child support. If the 2 of you can't agree, the court will decide. Most often they send it to Friend of the Court to investigate. If they do, plan on 2 investigations, one for custody/parenting time and another for child support, as they are 2 separate issues. They can do a temp child support order, pending the custody/parenting time investigation and then the child support investigation. They can't do a final child support until custody/parenting time has been determined, because child support factors in the time spent with both parents.

    You better plan on here if dad is not scum of the earth with major proof, that if he files, he probably will get joint legal, he will for sure get parenting time. If he does not file for child support, then you need to counterfile for it in your response to his filings, or you will have to file a motion yourself for it at another time.

    What you need to do is look online and see if your county circuit court(where the child lives)has a website online, read that website. Then look up Friend of the Court for that same county and see if they are online, often you can find the link for FOC on the county circuit court, read all that you find on FOC. You want to take a look at your county Friend of the Court handbook, if it is not online, call FOC and ask for a copy to be mailed, or the quicker way is to go up to FOC and get a copy. Some counties do not have their own handbooks, if yours does not then look up online the Michigan Friend of the Court handbook. These handbooks are guidelines to the family court system, they explain each parents rights and responsibilites, they explain how to file, how to enforce orders, they explain what the Friend of the Court office is, and how you can get help through them once you have an order.

    Most important most of these handbooks, have the courts standard(sometimes called reasonable parenting time)parenting time schedules. Most courts at the minimum give standard parenting time. It's always possible though that dad could get more then that. It's also possible if you have strong, solid evidence to enter into your court case, that dad could get less or a graduated schedule that may or may not include supervised parenting time. You don't have understanding of Family Courts, so you really need to get a lawyer if you intend to prove dad is a POS. Even with a lawyer, it is very hard to prove someone should not get to be a part of their children lives to the courts.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: How to Prove My Ex is Lying to the Courts

    It was unfounded, and closed.

    He signed an Affidavit of Parentage.

    The deal on visitation: we tried to make a deal at the beginning of this mess. My 2 year old was included and my then 7 week old were suppose to go for a weekend (the baby was not super fussy about bottles at this point). I asked that I be able to contact him ONCE a day to speak to my daughter (he is NOT her biological father), and find out how our son was doing. I also asked that they not stay at the place with the guns because my 2 year old would have to sleep on the couch and obviously 2 year olds with readily access to fund DO NOT MIX. He expressed to his mother that he thought the kids should stay at her house as he wanted to stay at the house with the guns... she said no, stay at the apartment you pay rent at!! He took the kids and said he would be fine. I tried to contact him at 8:00 that evening, no answer. No answer over and over when his mother tried to contact him, or my mother. FINALLY he tell me via text message that he was at his apartment with them... at the same time I got s text message from his mother saying she just spoke to him and he was on his way to they apartment, he was at the house with the guns... this was nearly 2 hours after trying to initially contact him. My father and I felt for the safety of my 7 week old and 2 year old, we should get them. We picked the children up at 3 am. I have not denied him visitation or contact with either child. I expressed via email to be willing to give him another chance in trusting him and allow an overnight visit at his apartment, he didn't want to. My parents offered twice to have him come for Christmas to see them, he declined both offers. Since all of this my son has began refusing bottles and refusing formula, I also DO NOT trust him with our infant, and an entire weekend is just not do able at this point. He said he would come to the town his son is living in with me and get a hotel room to see him, I agreed that an overnight, 24 hour period here was good. That way if something happened and he was refusing to eat or whatever I was close by. The next email after I agreed told me to go to hell, I'm not letting him see his son, I'm denying him a relationship, etc etc (my head was spinning I was so confused). I told him if he didn't want to that's fine, but the offer still stood.

    I do not wish to make him look like a deadbeat, I am honestly only concerned about my sons comfort and safety.

    The guns were legally obtained, my concern is that they are left out, behind doors, propped up in corners, behind furniture, etc.

    The only proof I have of him living somewhere other than the address he has given the court is emails telling me to contact him at the landline if the other address and when I was there I saw the empty apartment... TV was already gone, they were removing the brackets from the wall, cleaning out the kitchen, no beds. I contacted the landlord and he said that he is still paying rent, but as a condition of the lease he has to occupy the property (this is the excuse the landlord used when asking me and my children to leave).

    Further info, my son is exclusively breastfed, rejects formula and will not take a bottle. I'm not trying to keep his son from him. We also live 150 miles apart now. And our son is only 13 weeks old. I have a 2 year old also (he is not her biological father) and any time he was ever at the address I'm 99.9% positive that he's actually stay at he just left her with whoever to chase animals, go hunting, etc. My concern is his ability to take care if and be responsible enough to take care of my son there. My other HUGE concern is the safety with all of the guns within reach, there are other children and toddlers around as well. Another HUGE concern, is the continued support for the breastfeeding relationship. I don't think it is in his best interest to send him for and entire weekend, I would have to pump and obscene amount of milk, and he wont take a bottle with ease.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: How to Prove My Ex is Lying to the Courts

    I'm not seeing proof that Dad is a danger.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  5. #5
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    Default Re: How to Prove My Ex is Lying to the Courts

    I'm not say dad is a danger. I'm saying the current situation he is living in, is.

    My issue and the issue of an attorney I have consulted with is that he is not living where he says he is.

    Also that he is falsely accusing me of not letting him see his child, when I have text messages and emails proving otherwise.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: How to Prove My Ex is Lying to the Courts

    Even if he's not, what do you wish to accomplish?

    You say that you don't think an overnight visit is out of the question - so why would a weekend be a problem?

    We're not trying to give you a hard time Mom, but your reasoning here isn't making a whole bunch of sense. Y'know? And honestly? Dad shouldn't have to visit your parents to see his child.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  7. #7
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    Default Re: How to Prove My Ex is Lying to the Courts

    Since dad signed the AOP, he is now legally dad. In unmarried cases, while he is legally dad, mom is presumed to have sole custody. Who made the distance of 150 miles? Do you now live in a small county in Mi? The answer to that matters, as court is often done different in the smaller counties in Mi.

    Where is the 2 year olds dad? Why would you let this guy have parenting time with a child that is not his? Why are you giving dad overnight visits with an infant? A breastfeeding infant at that, an a breastfeeding infant as young as yours was when you let dad have the child overnight, will often have troubles going from breast to bottle. Agreeing to overnights, have now shown the court that you were ok with it, even with a breastfed child. In Mi we have it were the court can consider breastfeeding in parenting time for up to 6 months of age and if breastmilk is the main source of nutrition they can consider it up to a year old.

    Many courts in Mi move quickly, you file today, and you have a hearing in a week. Others are slower and take 1-2 months to get that hearing. There are some(wayne county comes to mind)that take even longer. But on the whole they usually take 1 week up to 2 months. In the end it could be that by the time this gets to court, the child will be old enough that the court won't even consider your breastfeeding.

    Do you work? Are you receiving state aide? State aide includes medical through the state you may have used for this pregnancy. If you have received state aide, the state will go after dad and you will have no say in it. Dad needs to support his child, Mi taxpayers should not, so the state will take care of filing on your childs behalf. I've seen in some courts that the state moves fast, in others I have seen it take up to a year for the state to file. But they always do eventually catch up in cases were state aide is in the picture.

    You honestly have nothing here to prevent dad from getting time with the child. You breastfeed, the court may consider that, but not if you don't work. You can easily pump plenty just for dads visits, it would take a bit more for visits and your own working schedule. You don't have to subsitute formula in, pump and give the baby only breastmilk. Breastfed babies often have issues with have supplements of formula, but it is rare that a baby won't get use to the breastmilk from a bottle. Pumping takes practice, and it takes a lot of time and the amount increases the more your feeding baby directly from the breast and then following up with pumping. You can call your local hospital, most have lactation nurses that will help you get the pumping down, get baby taking bottles of breastmilk.

    My own daughter breastfed, worked part time, went to college full time, and dad had visitation starting when the child was 2 months old. The court considered breastfeeding, the distance between her and dad(dad went to college 3 hours away), and the schedule for parenting time changed several times that first year. It increased as baby drank more at a feeding, it increased as baby started solids, it increased when baby was on solids 3 times a day.

    I'm betting your the one that moved from where you and dad were, so the court can make you drive baby to dad or meet dad half way for his time. If you moved why should dad be the one doing all the traveling?

    You want to go in there with a plan, considering all the facts you can prove and leave out what you can't or what the court won't even care about, which is much of what you put here. Like I said they will consider breastfeeding, but they will not consider it if your not working, or if you go in there and say you can't give baby the bottle and you can't possibly pump enough for dad to have time.

    When you were with dad, he was around your 2 year old, and you even allowed him after you 2 split up, to have visits with that 2 year old that is not his. So why do you think the court is going to believe you that dad does not know how to care for his baby? Dads time is his time, he can leave the baby with whoever he deems fit and go hunting or whatever he wants to do. You can't go into court and say no overnights, when you have already done that, you can't go into court and say the baby is unsafe, dad does not know what he is doing, when he was around your 2 year old, and you felt it ok to give him time with a child that is not even his.

    The 6 different Mi county circuit courts that I am familiar with(of course I don't know them all, but they all seem to do the same things), don't care about what has gone on between you and dad prior to the filing. They start fresh. Very common for dads to go in there saying mom won't let me see the child, and very common for moms to say, yes I tried, see the emails. They don't bother even looking most often. So far what you have done has not been giving dad much time, so far it's been on your terms, so far dad is the one who has to travel, spend money to travel and for lodging or he must go see baby at your parents. This is why the court does not want to hear that you have been trying, see my emails with dad. Cause in real life, while you think your trying, it's on your terms, what you think and dad is getting no say at all.

    The court is there because someone filed to have them stick their nose in. By that happening the court now makes all the decisions concerning the child. There plan is to make sure that the child has both parents involved in the childs life and they will make a parenting plan, and they consider little, specially at the start of a brand new case. They will give dad a chance here, and what goes on from this point forward is all the court cares about.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: How to Prove My Ex is Lying to the Courts

    Yes, why are you letting him have time with the 2 year old?

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