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  1. #1
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    Oct 2009
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    Question Victim Told Not to Contact Defendant After a Domestic Violence Incident

    My question involves criminal law for the state of: Florida

    Ok, I've got a good one for you. Background: ( Brother-in-Law is a 40 year old man with a pregnant 19 year old girlfriend...I know, I know )

    So, my brother-in-law and this girl mutually fell in love about 6 months ago and are planning on getting married. The girl is a very aggressive person and has hit him on more than one occasion. Friday night, she was arrested for battery because she basically beat up his face pretty good. We were all raised to never hit a woman..no exceptions, so he did not hit back. He did not want to press charges, but I guess in Florida it does not matter if the police were called to a domestic violence situation.

    Bond was posted by her dad and she was released from jail 24 hours later. My brother-in-law desperately wants to talk to her, find out how she's doing, and talk about the future. However, he received a phone call from a deputy sheriff at 3:00 this morning saying that he is not allowed to have any contact with this girl until after her court appearance. Is that true? or did the girl's dad, (who is a deputy sheriff with 20 years on the force) call in a favor to one of his buds?

    Any information or advice would be helpful. My brother-in-law is a stand-up guy who just wants to do the right thing by this girl and his unborn child. Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Victim Told Not to Contact Defendant After a Domestic Violence Incident

    Honestly?

    The right thing is to get himself into counseling, and seek assistance from a DV advocate. This is an incredibly toxic relationship and he needs to not be in it.

    Now, does he know that this 3am phone call actually came from a deputy sheriff?
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Victim Told Not to Contact Defendant After a Domestic Violence Incident

    I agree and have expressed my concern. I point blank asked him if he wanted to be "that guy" and be in a relationship like that. This is when he told me that she was pregnant. I'm not sure about his intentions regarding the actual relationship or upcoming marriage. Like I said, he basically just wants to do the right thing for the child, but I don't think that involves continuing the relationship.

    As far as the phone call, he has no idea. I believe that the fact that the phone call at 3am is suspect. But, with the clout that the father has within the system, he wants to be careful. We are just trying to find out if he is legally restricted from making contact?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Victim Told Not to Contact Defendant After a Domestic Violence Incident

    We can't honestly guess - has there been a restraining order? Anything?
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Victim Told Not to Contact Defendant After a Domestic Violence Incident

    It sounds like there's a no-contact order as a term of the girlfriend's bail, in which case her accepting a contact from him could land her back in jail.
    Quote Quoting dplusm2004
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    My brother-in-law desperately wants to talk to her, find out how she's doing, and talk about the future. However, he received a phone call from a deputy sheriff at 3:00 this morning saying that he is not allowed to have any contact with this girl until after her court appearance.
    Should we infer from that, that your brother-in-law has been trying to contact the girl and has been unsuccessful? How did the officer know he had been trying to contact her?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Victim Told Not to Contact Defendant After a Domestic Violence Incident

    Well considering the fact that he is the victim of this whole thing, would he ant to risk her freedom by contacting her? Was there a temporary order of prtection issued at the time of arrest? Was the 3am call automated or an actual person? She was released 24 hours after the arrest, her parents bonded her out. She is in a safe environment. Let's bank on her being safe and in decent spirits. In the meantime, don't you think that it is safer for all involved to wait for contact?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Victim Told Not to Contact Defendant After a Domestic Violence Incident

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    We can't honestly guess - has there been a restraining order? Anything?
    No, no restraining order or anything like that

    - - - Updated - - -

    Should we infer from that, that your brother-in-law has been trying to contact the girl and has been unsuccessful? How did the officer know he had been trying to contact her?
    No he has not tried to contact her. All the officer (or whoever it was) simply told him that he was to have no contact with the girl until after the court case. But why did the call come at 3pm...very suspect to me.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Victim Told Not to Contact Defendant After a Domestic Violence Incident

    Why is it suspicious? Lots of officers work a @7-3 shift, and handle the bureaucratic issues at the end. A guy in a desk job may have more regular office hours, but if you have a day job you would call during business hours.

    What's your goal here? Do you want us to tell you that your brother-in-law can ignore the officer's instruction without any possible consequence to his girlfriend?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Victim Told Not to Contact Defendant After a Domestic Violence Incident

    I appreciate all the opinions, I really do. Believe me, I have opinions that I would like to convey upon him that are far less politically correct! If there were not an unborn child in the middle of all this, I would tell him to just cut his losses and never speak to this girl again; but there is an unborn child. His main concern (and I think a justified one), is how long will it take for this court case to be over. He understand that he's the victim and that certain laws exist for his protection. However, he wants to make sure that he is there for his child. Will it be a year before this whole court case is over? Is it fair that he has no contact with the mother of his child...or the child? Those questions will be answered in time. All we want to know right now is, are there actual laws preventing the victim of domestic violence to contact the defendant? We understand the consequences of attempting to make contact if there were a restraining or "no contact" order placed. But, wouldn't he be notified if such a order was placed? I don't think he wants to contact her right now or continuing the relationship, but he doesn't want to be restricted from being apart of or being updated on the pregnancy..if that makes sense.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Victim Told Not to Contact Defendant After a Domestic Violence Incident

    A restraining order can absolutely be amended to allow for a visitation schedule.

    At the moment, he doesn't have a child; being unwed he'll have to establish paternity first. That in itself could take months, depending on the level of Mom's cooperation.

    He unfortunately has no "right" to be notified of anything relating to the pregnancy.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

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