Girlfriend's Parents Want to File a Restraining Order on Me

[renji1337]

My question involves restraining orders in the State of: New York



Alright, i just turned 20, and my girlfriend is 17, so she is at the age of consent (we don't have sex though)

Basically we have been together for about a year now, and only her mom knew, and her dad found out recently and he chased her out of the house and she ran-away to my house, a hour or two later i called the police to let them know i have her and they said her parents called and they just told me to get her home by the end of the night.

Also her dad threatened to kill me/put me in a wheelchair, but he didn't say it to my face, he said it to her.

This was about a month ago.

Last week i was arrested for a false charge of petit larceny (my friend stole something and then gave it to me but i didn't know it was stolen) so in court he admitted i didn't know it was stolen so they dropped all the charges against me and i have no criminal record

The issue is someone lied to her parents and said i was in jail for like a year so they believe it, and now they've been talking to all her friends parents and gathering information for what we think is a restraining order. My gf's older brother is 21 and he dates 17 year old in which they approve of, but her parents don't approve of me but they just don't say it. In which all i really want to do is get to know them like i have there daughter and prove i'm not a bad guy.


My question is, do they have a basis for a restraining order just because she ranaway to my house? i brought her right back home like the cops requested and stuff, i know that for a restraining order you can't just apply for one because you don't like your daughters boyfriend.

I do nothing but good for her aswell, i help her study in school, and the school always lets me come in and help because i do community service there and stuff, we used to hangout alot and i always respected her mothers wishes.

How do i go about this? Can they apply for one and get it? Is there anyway for me to fight it?

Also she wants to move out, is there any way she can legally do that? she supports herself and buys her own food and pays rent at her house even though she's 17 and technically doesn't have to. I don't support her moving out, but she had me add this in here.

Also please don't tell me to just break up with her, i'm not going to end a 1year relationship just because of something like this.

Also neither of her parents have yet to tell her that she can't communicate with me/have to breakup, all i really want to do is talk it out and stuff but they're very strange parents, there basically emotionally abusive to there kids, they used to be physically abusive but they stopped when her little brother started running away alot.

[aardvarc]

Last week i was arrested for a false charge of petit larceny (my friend stole something and then gave it to me but i didn't know it was stolen) so in court he admitted i didn't know it was stolen so they dropped all the charges against me and i have no criminal record

Unless you had the arrest expunged, you have an arrest record. A conviction is something different.

My question is, do they have a basis for a restraining order just because she ranaway to my house?

Yes, they do. Whether or not that alone is enough for the judge to grant the request, only the judge can tell you. If they make enough stink about it, or the situation continues, criminal charges along the lines of interference with custody or contributing to the delinquency of a minor are possible too. The bottom line being that until the day she turns 18, her parents "yes" or "no" regarding the relationship will be backup up by the courts, no matter how nice a guy you turn out to be.

i brought her right back home like the cops requested and stuff, i know that for a restraining order you can't just apply for one because you don't like your daughters boyfriend.

But when she runs away to YOUR house, guess what - she put you in a terrible position because it's you, not her, that is going to bear the brunt of that stunt.

I do nothing but good for her aswell, i help her study in school, and the school always lets me come in and help because i do community service there and stuff, we used to hangout alot and i always respected her mothers wishes.

All of which is great, but doesn't change the legal fact that her parents can seek to keep you two separated.

How do i go about this?

You either get a time machine and fast forward until she's 18, or you wait it out.

Can they apply for one and get it?

Yes they can apply. Yes they could win.

Is there anyway for me to fight it?

Even with an attorney, there's nothing here that would suggest that a court would over-rule parental authority.

Also she wants to move out, is there any way she can legally do that?

Yes, with parental permission.

she supports herself and buys her own food and pays rent at her house even though she's 17 and technically doesn't have to.

No court will emancipate a minor so they can date an adult. Period. Even if she meets every other requirement. She'd also need to show the court that she and ONLY she has a track record of earning enough money to pay 100% of self support expenses - that means enough for her earnings to cover 100% of the market rate for rent, utilities, medical insurance, etc. --- while at the same time making above average grades in school with an excellent attendance record.

Also please don't tell me to just break up with her, i'm not going to end a 1year relationship just because of something like this.

It won't sound any better coming from a judge, which is where this is headed. But why are you so impatient that you feel you have to "break up"? What wrong with just WAITING? (The inability to see that as an option and the need for immediate gratification as a function of the young adult brain is exactly why courts support the parents in these matters.)

[cbg]

so she is at the age of consent

The age of consent and the age of majority are not the same. Until she reaches the age of majority, she is still under the care and custody of her parents and what they say, goes.

do they have a basis for a restraining order just because she ranaway to my house?

Off the top of my head, I don't know if that is enough in your state. But make no mistake, if they don't want their minor daughter dating you, they can make the NO stick.

Also she wants to move out, is there any way she can legally do that?

No. There isn't.

Until she reaches the age of consent, which is at LEAST 18 and I think in NY might be even older, her parents are GOD.

[renji1337]

I have no issue waiting and stuff. age of majority is 18 in new york.

the only thing is it's just tearing her apart, i'm able to withstand this and keep and cool and calm head, but she's freaking out.

I want to talk to her parents but they wont let me, and well they haven't told her she can't date me at all. they just don't like me, they haven't actually said it or anything.


As far as i know, i don't really think they would go after one because they know the moment she turned 18 she would nullify it herself and move out.


age of consent in ny = 17, age of majority in ny = 18.

[cdwjava]

the only thing is it's just tearing her apart, i'm able to withstand this and keep and cool and calm head, but she's freaking out.

Then there are other issues going on here and you could be drawn into something that could get you in deep kimshee. If she is "freaking out" simply because they don't want her dating you, there is something else going on. It could be that she has some serious emotional issues. It could be that her parents are louts. It's more than likely simply that she is a teenager, thinks she knows more than they do, and wants to be treated like an adult even as she behaves like a child.

As mentioned, her running away to your place could put you at risk. heck, her running away to ANYONE's place can put them at risk unless they immediately notify the authorities or contact the parents to make arrangements for the child.

I want to talk to her parents but they wont let me, and well they haven't told her she can't date me at all. they just don't like me, they haven't actually said it or anything.

They don't have to talk to you or anyone else.

As far as i know, i don't really think they would go after one because they know the moment she turned 18 she would nullify it herself and move out.

If they get a restraining order, she would have to return to court herself to get it dropped, so understand it won't simply go away on her 18th birthday - it may take months to get back into court so she may be nearly 19 before the two of you could be together (legally) if one is issued.

As for moving out, would she be able to afford it right when she turns 18? Doubtful, but possible, I suppose. I don't know too many 18 year olds that can live on their own without parental support or without shacking up ... in which case they come to rely on someone else ... like, say, an older boyfriend who can control the situation and the girl as a result. Not saying YOU would, but I have seen it time and time again over my lifetime and career.

[renji1337]

she wouldn't be moving in with me, she's always wanted to move in with her grandma because her parents are trying to force her to take a degree she doesn't want at a college she doesn't want.

I'll admit, her parents are stupid.

All of there kids have been on the runaway list, all 3 of them, they should realize there's a reason why there kids run away.

As for right now, i am complying with all there demands, they haven't asked me to not talk to her or date her, they just told me not to see her without them present. the only issue is i'm not allowed at her house, so right now we just text and call, which for some odd reason they have no issue with that.


as for the courts here, it's always pretty fast getting in here. as for emotional issues yes, she has some because of them, she physically shakes just even when talking to her dad, but they just tell her to get over it. Like i told her to call CPS before when he does that stuff to her, but she doesn't want to call because she's afraid of being hit and stuff.

[cbg]

When she is 18, she can live where she wants. Until then, if her parents say she can live with her grandmother, she can. If her parents say she cannot live with her grandmother, she cannot.

If she's been listed as a runaway, then her chance of ever being emancipated are less than zero.

[renji1337]

^she wasn't listed as a runaway i dont think, unless just calling the cops posts her as a runaway, the cops knew exactly where she was the whole time, and they never came to my house or anything, they just told me to have her home by 10pm when i called at 2pm.

I just wanted to make sure if they can apply a RO on me if i respected there wishes, since they haven't told me i can't talk to there daughter or date her, i still do that.

Like in my head it would be like me applying a restraining order on someone for no apparent reason just because you dislike them.

Seeing as i don't really get to hang out with her i don't really break any rules as of yet, it's just sad because she literally lives 2 houses down. it's just a weird situation, i'm probably overworrying because the chance of them going for a RO is 0, i think they just want to control the relationship or so, which i don't mind giving them the control they want because i understand that they want there daughter safe and stuff.

[cdwjava]

If the police took a runaway report then she was listed as a runaway and likely entered into NCIC as such. Most agencies DO track runaways as this is a reporting category to the FBI through the UCR (Uniform Crime Report) program. While this does not create a criminal record of any kind, it does create a paper trail that could be accessed by CPS and the court if she were to try and seek emancipation or be involved in any other litigation or court action.

Without a threat of harm or an articulable risk to their control of their daughter, it is unlikely that mom and dad can get a restraining order. However, if you can be seen as encouraging or aiding her in being out of her parents' control, then all bets are off.

In another year she can walk out the front door with whatever mom and dad let her take with her, and she can do what she wants to do and go where she wants to go. Hopefully she understands the limitations in that plan.

[renji1337]

Well i tell her to listen to her parents and to not try getting emancipated and stuff, so that's all okay right? when she ranaway the first time i wasn't even home, thats why she wasn't brought home immediately, when i talked to the cops they were more concerned about how her dad chased her out, but her dad lied to them about it