Step Parent Adoption Contested by Absent Father

[SloanBooze]

My question involves adoption law for the State of: SOUTH CAROLINA

My husband and I have been married since 2011. My daughter who was born in march of 2008 calls him dad. Her biological and I were never married. He is one birth cert. and has been DNA tested. He was ordered to pay child support in dec of 2008. My husband and I served him with adoption papers in which he is not required to consent due to him being absent. He has seen my daughter 6 times all in the year of 2008 for an hr or less at a time in public places. After that he moved to florida first where he was arrested for grand larceny and then entered rehab for heroin. He then moved to michigan where he has lived for years.

When we served him, he had an active warrant for his arrest that had been in place since 2009. He was $13000 behind in child support. My daughter has no idea who he is and has had no idea her step father is not her real father.

So the father had his mother move him back to SC, get him an apartment, and appear before a judge to get warrant dropped. He paid $3000 to drop it. He still owes $10000. He has hired an attorney to contest our adoption and is asking for visitations/reduction of child support (which he is a person trainer paying minimal wage child support) In fact he owes years of IRS taxes from his 10-99 he has never paid. (which will come out during discovery) We have a GAL appointed for our adoption/TPR.

My question is what are your thoughts on this case? How much of a chance would the father have to disrupting my little girls life? She would be torn apart to learn that her daddy isn't her daddy and her sister isn't her 100% sister. Will the courts look at his motives? He was only motivated from being served with adoption papers.

He is trying to use that i kept in away from her but he never made attempts to see her or contact me. I told him i would be more then happy to do court ordered visitations after he failed to show up at the last visit. He never took me to court.

Me and my husband just want wants best for my daughter. I would hate to die tomorrow and her father, she knows nothing about, gets her and rips her away from her sister and family.

Just some thoughts and advice. Our visitation hearing is first and then after the Guardian of Light. does there case is our adoption/TPR hearing.

[drthyrd]

My question is what are your thoughts on this case? How much of a chance would the father have to disrupting my little girls life? She would be torn apart to learn that her daddy isn't her daddy and her sister isn't her 100% sister. Will the courts look at his motives? He was only motivated from being served with adoption papers.


Me and my husband just want wants best for my daughter. I would hate to die tomorrow and her father, she knows nothing about, gets her and rips her away from her sister and family.

First, it isn't your 4 year old that is going to be devastated if she learns her dad is actually her step dad and her sister is her half sister. If you introduce the concept as a positive, that she is so LUCKY to have two daddies in her life that want to raise her, it isn't going to devastate her. As to her being upset to learn her sister isn't her 100% sister, you need to step back and reread this. Is your 4 year old so familiar with reproduction that she understands the concept of how babies are made and comprehends the concept of half siblings and full siblings? Do you view your daughters as 100% sisters or don't you? If you view them as 100% sisters and make it so, it will be so and telling your child the truth won't change that.

You need to tell this child the truth, NOW, whether the adoption goes through or not.

He is trying to use that i kept in away from her but he never made attempts to see her or contact me. I told him i would be more then happy to do court ordered visitations after he failed to show up at the last visit. He never took me to court.

Me and my husband just want wants best for my daughter. I would hate to die tomorrow and her father, she knows nothing about, gets her and rips her away from her sister and family.

Just some thoughts and advice. Our visitation hearing is first and then after the Guardian of Light. does there case is our adoption/TPR hearing.

Thoughts are that the court will look at the best interest of the child and act according to their determination of what that is. It may be adoption is in your child's best interest given your ex's past and level of interest in the child to date, or it may be reunification with her dad is determined to be in her best interest. In either case, you do your child a huge disservice if you lie to her and each year that passes will make it harder to explain your actions. There is nothing to be ashamed about regarding adoption. Don't make her feel that her parentage is something that had to be hidden from her.

Good luck.

[NdK1009]

The fact that you have been raising your daughter to believe that her step-dad is her biological dad could actually hurt your case. If it comes out, then the courts may view it as an effort on your part to alienate your daughter from her true biological father. I agree with drthyrd - reunification may be seen as being in yourdaughter's best interests. Be prepared for the courts to offer your daughter's father a second chance at being a part of his child's life, especially since he expressing such an interest in it now.

[Dogmatique]

My question is what are your thoughts on this case? How much of a chance would the father have to disrupting my little girls life? She would be torn apart to learn that her daddy isn't her daddy and her sister isn't her 100% sister.

Sloan, this is going to sound very harsh. But I'll don my flame-proof jacket

Yes, she'll be devastated. And it will be entirely your fault. You and your husband have both lied to her - how do you think she's going to feel? The two people she trusts most in the world have betrayed her trust.

Will the courts look at his motives? He was only motivated from being served with adoption papers.

He is trying to use that i kept in away from her but he never made attempts to see her or contact me. I told him i would be more then happy to do court ordered visitations after he failed to show up at the last visit. He never took me to court.

Me and my husband just want wants best for my daughter. I would hate to die tomorrow and her father, she knows nothing about, gets her and rips her away from her sister and family.

Just some thoughts and advice. Our visitation hearing is first and then after the Guardian of Light. does there case is our adoption/TPR hearing.

It's Guardian Ad Litem. Please, please consider your actions here. What's best for your daughter is that her parents don't lie to her about something as big as this.