What is Reasonable Out of State Visitation for a 3 Year Old

[lfh2012]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New York

My son is almost 3 and his father relocated our of state 4 weeks ago. If it matters he moved to Arizona for reasons I don't know other then it was not job related. We were not married and separated in December 2011. I filed for and got sole custody and he received visitation every other weekend and Wednesdays before he moved away. He has never paid child support and there is no order, I just don't want it or need it. He doesn't work, his family supports him so there is no sense in trying to get blood out of stone.

So today I got served with out of state visitation papers for six months out of the year, January to June. I just don't understand why his father would want to take him out of his family, (me and my daughter) for that length of time, it just doesn't seem fair to my son. I am at a loss at to where to go. If I need an attorney I will get her back, but will a judge approve an agreement like this? What do I need to argue ? And I really need to know what is fair. I am thinking no more then two weeks away from me at a time at this age. Do I have a right to know where he is living and who he lives with? I talked to my attorney tonight who said that if WE could not come to an agreement then I would need her in court. Do I really need an attorney?

Some other background, my daughter is from my first marriage and her father and I have a very casual custody agreement. She is 10 now, 4 when we divorced. It was also out of state visitation and she went to her fathers for 5ish weeks in the summer when she was almost 6 after the school year finished. She also stayed with other family during this time her grandparents my sister etc. I think this was acceptable because she was older and there was other family around that wanted to see her too. My son's father told me I was "irrational" to not send him for 6months because he deserved to have him too. Um buddy then why did you leave him? Of note also, he has another son who is 15 the he surrendered his rights on. I thought I knew the story but now I am not so sure it was the truth. When his father had visitation he NEVER kept him for his entire allotted time, he would bring him home early or cancel all together. Does that matter?

So if he goes to AZ what about daycare? Or his speech therapy? Please tell me he won't get 6months approved....

[eepk]

There is no way he will get 6 months in a row. There's just no way. That's not healthy for a child to be away from one parent for 6 entire months then to be shipped to the other parent (who is now virtually a stranger) for 6 months. That would be really emotionally damaging. I don't know that a judge would even order that if you two agreed to it.

Look up long distance parenting plans in New York. That will give you an idea of what is "custom". In my state long distance visitation from age 3-4 is 6 one week segments a year, each seperated by 6 weeks. Basically 7 days/nights every other month.

If it were me I would retain an attorney should this go to court. You have a higher chance of success with someone who knows the laws and what they are doing.

[lfh2012]

Thanks for your reply. We do have a court date 8/27 so I will be dropping off the papers today. He is dipping into our pool fund so I was trying to save some money. .

After a good nights sleep i reaize that I have to make sure my son gets what is in his best interest.

[ksmom]

Which state did he file in? Was it your state?

[Neal1421]

Thanks for your reply. We do have a court date 8/27 so I will be dropping off the papers today. He is dipping into our pool fund so I was trying to save some money. .

After a good nights sleep i reaize that I have to make sure my son gets what is in his best interest.

Which would also include child support. The child should be supported financially by both parents. No matter how much you think you don't want/need it. There may come a day when you do.

[lfh2012]

New York is where the custody order is from. Here child support and custody are two separate issues. I don't want to pay one cent for travel costs either, I did not move and don't think I should be held responsible for any of it. I do have the child support forms and need to get them filed, but like I said he has no income...

I am over accommodating to the point it bites me the arse. I let them skype and talk almost everyday. Everyone keeps telling me I am too nice and need to set boundaries, but my son really misses his Dad he sobs for him to come pick him up which is soo very heartbreaking for me.

[Dogmatique]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with allowing daily skype visits.

In fact, you might want to tell your friends that's what decent parents actually do - they don't punish their child simply because they no longer get along with the other parent.