Find Out After 16 Years That the Child is Mine

**sadinwv** · 08-06-2012, 01:53 PM

My question involves paternity law for the State of: West Virginia

When I was 16 and stupid, I started dating a girl I worked with and she became pregnant. Our parents signed consent for us to marry (big mistake). My daughter was born (now 17). A year later, we were going through a divorce and my ex -wife gave birth to another child (now 16). Although, we were already seperated, I came to the hospital when the child was born and she told me that the child (another little girl) was not mine. I later found out she named another man as the father to the Bureau for child support and her birth certificate was left blank. End of story, right? WRONG. I spent the next 9 years fighting to see my now 17 yr old daughter. My ex left my little girl to be raised by her mother, however everytime we went to court she would lie and say she lived somewhere else. We never did win against her in court, the judge was so biased against fathers. We did have the truth on our side, so finally, after she was charged with welfare frued she showed up at my lawyers office and signed full custody over to me. Since my daughter was not raised by her mother, they shared no real bond. Eventually she stopped pushing the issue of even having visitation of my daughter. My daughter hasn't seen her biological mother in probably 6 yrs. Ok, so there is the history. Now, back to the second child born. Since she is my daughters sister, they found one another on facebook and during one of their conversations she informed my 17 yr old daughter, that she had been told by her mother that I was also her father. I was completely shocked, but I wanted to know for sure so I agreed to do a mail in paternity test. The 16 yr old did not want her mother to know, so we met on the side of the road and we swabbed her mouth and mine and mailed in the samples. Sure enough, the results came back and she is mine. To make matters worse, she is in a very neglectful home, she just failed the 10th grade and as we already know from previous experience that her mother is not a good mom. I confronted my ex immediately, she tried to tell me and the 16yr old that I knew she was mine all along and I just did not want her. It is so ludicous! Why would I fight to see one child but not the other? It is so hard to explain the evil that this woman is. After some heated arguing, she allowed me to start seeing my daughter every other weekend. Sixteen years robbed and I am supposed to settle for that? It was a start at least. I have been seeing my daughter for almost 2 months now and of course she wants to live in my home. I have a loving wife and other children and she feels so much happier with us. I never asked her to move in, she just started telling me about things that were going on at home. Like her mother locking the fridge and refusing to buy her feminine products. She told me she was sexually abused several years ago by one of her mom's old boyfriends. My heart is broken, I cannot protect my child. We have gone to courts, police and even child protective services. They gave her a number to call in case someone tries to hurt her. I can't file for cutody until "legal" paternity is established. I went on my own to the Bureau for child support to establish legal paternity, however that was over a month ago and i keep following up with them but it is taking forever. They forced me to return her to her mother (today). She did sneak and call me however she has been told by her mother that she filed child abondonment charges against me and she forbid her to speak to me or my 17 yr old daughter. She took her phone away from her and is now making her quit her job at mcdonalds so I have no way to contact her. If she named another person to the BCSE as the father and I have already filed a petition for paternity (over a month ago), there is no way that could hold up, could it?

**Dogmatique** · 08-06-2012, 02:29 PM

You actually took a swab without the legal parent's permission or knowledge?

Dude, I'm sorry, but I'd have you in court for battery faster than your head could spin. You had absolutely no right to touch that child.

But seeing as Mom isn't doing anything about it (likely because she doesn't know her rights), it's moot.

If someone else is her legal father, you're likely going to find your petition will be denied. 16 years would generally be considered far too long to challenge paternity.

OP, I hate to have to mention this but have you considered that you're being manipulated by a teen who is looking for a Disney parent?

**sadinwv** · 08-06-2012, 02:58 PM

Really? That is what you took from my story? I was robbed of 16 yrs of my own daughter and you think trying to find out the truth was wrong? There is no other legal father, she has grown up fatherless. You think because my ex made a choice to lie to me 16 yrs ago that she should have the right to terminate my legal rights? Keep in mind, I was NEVER named to any agency as the father. I know she is not looking for a Disney parent. Remember, I have another child with the same woman who has actually witnessed the abuse take place. My daughter came to me and asked me to test her, I would never deny her that. What kind of man would I be? I have 3 other children, all of which have great lives. My eldest is beginning her senior year and will graduate with honors and then go on to nursing school. Why shouldn't my other daughter have the same opportunites and the same loving, supportive home? In court for battery? Really? That is what you fight for? For lies?

- - - Updated - - -

Maybe I should add this foot note, to avoid confusion. Yes, she named another man, however they where never able to contact him. She said where he worked, BCSE tried to locate him and they had no record of anyone with said name. I would say it looks like she made up a false name.

**Dogmatique** · 08-06-2012, 02:59 PM

sad, I'm really not saying that wanting to know the truth is wrong.

But the way you went about it was absolutely wrong. Okay? The right way to do it would have been to file a paternity action and request a DNA test. Not do it yourself.

You are nothing, legally, to this child. She is not your daughter (legally) and when she approached you, the answer should have been "This is a matter between the parents".

I know this isn't what you want to hear, and if you need to shoot the messenger that's fine. But the legal reality is that she's not your child, and given that there's been a legal father established for so long it's simply not likely that you'll be allowed to challenge.

And yes, there is a legal father - he's the one who was hooked for child support. He might not have a relationship, but he is the legal father.

**sadinwv** · 08-06-2012, 03:12 PM

Not killing the messenger, just think you are misunderstanding. There was NO ONE hooked for child support...he was not located, it was a fake name. I showed up to the child support office, on my own, over a month ago. I am trying to do the right thing here. Sometimes you never know how you would react in a situation until you find yourself smack dab in the middle of it.