Using Abandonment as Grounds for Stepparent Adoption

[kw1229]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Colorado

Please excuse me if I leave any important things out. This is a long story but I am gonna try to give as much info as I can........

(J) was born in May of 2001
My husband and I have been married 10yrs (together for 11yrs). The same month that we started dating we found out that a woman that he had a one night stand with had given birth to a little girl. When she (J) was 4 months old my husband was sent a order for paternity and subsequently found to be dad. Child support was ordered and we paid on time every month. There wasn't a parenting plan put in place.

Jump to Dec of 2002:
The bio mom was having financial trouble and with ALOT of thought we decided to move the mom and J into our home. We found out shortly after that because there wasn't a marriage or parenting plan set in place that my husband had 50% custody. We kicked the mom out Jan 2003 and J stayed with us. She didn't fight us and didn't ask to take J.

Jump to now
We now have 3 kids and J is almost 12 and hasn't seen/spoke to bio mom or anyone else in that family. She obviously lives full time with us and has a younger sister and brother. She only knows my husband's family and mine. She knows of her bio mom but wouldn't be able to pick her out of a crowd. She has been asking lately why we never had her name changed (given her mothers last name) and why I never adopted her. I tell her it's because we never really considered it an issue since she has always been my oldest daughter. When I said that to her I seen the hurt in her eyes and had a revelation that it was actually because I was afraid that bio mom would show up and a judge would give J to her and I honestly don't think I can bear that. We have no idea where bio is or if she even wants anything to do with J.

So my question is: Can we file abandonment and stepparent adoption without full custody? If not then what do we do?

P.S.
I have Parental Responsibility, Step Parent Adoption, and name change forms. I have filled all of them out just not sure what to do. I don't have the money for an attorney and am trying to diy all of it.

[tex11]

...We found out shortly after that because there wasn't a marriage or parenting plan set in place that my husband had 50% custody. We kicked the mom out Jan 2003 and J stayed with us. She didn't fight us and didn't ask to take J.


So my question is: Can we file abandonment and stepparent adoption without full custody? If not then what do we do?

P.S.
I have Parental Responsibility, Step Parent Adoption, and name change forms. I have filled all of them out just not sure what to do. I don't have the money for an attorney and am trying to diy all of it.

This is NOT a DIY project, and you may actually create problems if this is not handled properly.

First, as of now, you have ZERO legal standing with regards to your husbands daughter, and you have no basis to initiate any proceedings on your own behalf. Much less to prepare and file legal documents on your husband's behalf, unless you are licensed to practice law in CO.

It appears that the only thing that was determined in 2001 was paternity and child support. If there were no orders establishing custodial and visitation rights, then your husband had NO custodial rights. If not, there is no legal presumption your husband had 50% custody, or the right to kick mom out and keep the child. Mom could presumably knock on your door today and take her child.

There are some legal hoops that are required prior to step parent adoption, and the first would be to terminate parental rights. The mother will have to be served notice of these proceedings, and how that plays out once that happens depends upon a lot of things. Especially if she lawyers up, and YOUR HUSBAND is handling this without an attorney.

So before your husband tries to wing this and get slap happy filing petitions for parental termination and step parent adoption and name changes, he should speak to a good family law attorney.

[kw1229]

I came here expecting some sympathetic advice. I know I have ZERO legal standing, hence the adoption papers. I know HE has to file any and all papers until after the adoption. Obviously I should have stated that I simply fill out everything because my handwriting is better and he simply signs everything. We were told by our case worker that Colorado is a joint custody state as long as the parents were not married nor arranged any parenting time, so yes bio mom could show up and take her. That is how we were able to keep J when we asked her to leave. We I mean MY HUSBAND has no clue where bio is and honestly it isn't his #1 priority. She has had 3 older children removed by a southern state because they deemed her unfit. I have those court papers along with a copy of her social security disability (mental) paperwork. Yes she gave them to me to hold on to and never got them back after she moved out. I didn't think I had to go into detail but she was abusive, both physically and mentally. We needed prove and could only get it after she moved into my house. I don't mean to come off defensive or hateful. I am as of right now facing the scares thing so far. I am trying to come to terms that I could possibly lose my oldest child. I don't want to know what life would be like without her. She literally was the beginning of my family that I was told I would never have(raped at young age). I have had her for so long that I forget she doesn't belong to me and I am tired of having to explain that even though she looks like me she isn't mine. I feel the hurt and I see it in MY daughters eyes when her and I talk about it. Ugh sorry to ramble. Any advice, even if its just how to stay calm if or when we have to face bio mom is greatly appreciated. I am gonna make an appt with an attorney tomorrow and see what happens.....