Ex-Girlfriend Pregnant, How Much Power Will Court Give Her Over Me

[draca]

My question involves child support in the State of: TN

My pregnant girlfriend broke up with me as soon as she found out she was pregnant (she even denied counseling!) I would prefer to support the child without a formal child support order. Can she get a court order that requires me to show her my tax return every year, thereby revealing my income producing mutual funds she doesnt know about? (since we werent married I dont think she should have the right to know)

Also I'd like to mention it seems she got pregnant on purpose. Although I'm more than willing to take care of the BABY with or without her, this woman has no way to pay for the roof over her own head and I suspect may have planned on pregnancy to use child support as a way to support herself. That said, if this goes to court, if the court does not give me primary custody, would my support obligation to her be the same as if we'd been married?

[cbg]

Until paternity is established, you have no responsibilities at all. Once paternity is legally established, then yes, she CAN get a court order to provide her with information about all your assets. Whether a court WILL make that order is not something we can guess until the crystal ball is recalibrated, the Magic 8 ball comes back from the repair shop, or Madame Zuileka returns from her vacation.

Doesn't really matter whether she got pregnant on purpose or not. You were there at the time, sport, and there was nothing stopping you from putting on your raincoat before you ventured into rainy territory, as it were. Do you think your child will need to eat less because you were not married to his or her mother?

[aardvarc]

I would prefer to support the child without a formal child support order.

Be careful. You are not legally obligated to give her money until a court orders you to do so. Money that you give her absent court ordered support may not be credited to you if she seeks a formal support order and you could find yourself suddenly looking at arrears being owed, even if you've been giving her money religiously prior to that order. Make sure you pay in a way that records that the payment is for child support, and what month or time period each payment covers. Don't leave ANY room for guessing if that money was for child support - because it's all too common for someone to claim that the money was a gift, a repayment on a loan, etc.

Can she get a court order that requires me to show her my tax return every year, thereby revealing my income producing mutual funds she doesnt know about? (since we werent married I dont think she should have the right to know)

She can absolutely request that. You gave her the ability and responsibility to carry your child - that'll go a long way in her establishing rights to more than just receiving sperm.

Also I'd like to mention it seems she got pregnant on purpose.

Always a possibility, but not materially different than you ejaculating on purpose (no one really believes the "whoops I tripped" bit these days).

Although I'm more than willing to take care of the BABY with or without her, this woman has no way to pay for the roof over her own head and I suspect may have planned on pregnancy to use child support as a way to support herself.

All of which may be true. But none of which is legally relevant. You slept with, and impregnated, a woman with those issues. That decision and all like it can have the consequence of you becoming a father and being ordered to pay child support.

That said, if this goes to court,

One of you will have to take it there. Until that happens, you have no responsiblity for child support, and mom has no obligation to allow visitation or your input on parenting decisions/issues. If mom applies for state aid from the taxpayers, the state will come after you to establish paternity and child support to reimburse those monies.

if the court does not give me primary custody, would my support obligation to her be the same as if we'd been married?

If you'd been married, the courts would presume that both persons were contributing to an agreed upon division of parenting and support, time and money, division of labor, and all the other aspects of parenting as husband and wife. When you're not married, the court uses state guidelines to establish a number and say "this is what you'll pay" (which in reality often works out to be much less than living as a married couple).

You can always Google the child support guidelines for Tennessee to get a ballpark figure on what the court may order, and if you want to pay something, this would be the way to show good faith to the court, to be more or less "square" by the time the order is issued, etc.

[distressedmom]

I agree with the other posts. In addition, you can't even be sure these days if you are the bio father of this child. So, you absolutely want to request a court ordered DNA test.

If you do give money towards support informally and later find out that you are not the father, it will be impossible to recoup the money.

There are 2 ways to handle this. You can wait for her to file a paternity action with the court, or you file to establish paternity. If you file, then you are more in control of your destiny. You can ask for DNA test, visitation or custody, court fees, etc. A family law attorney can tell you the pros and cons.

Both sides have to provide financial information when the order is established. Its not something you have to do every year after that.

[Dogmatique]

This OP needs a PDQ change in attitude - or else he'll be sunk in court and having a miserable next 18+ years. Primary custody is highly unlikely unless Mom is unfit. And let's not start asking what makes her unfit; she was fine parenting material up until she left you, OP.

Once paternity is established, EVERY source of income needs to be reported.

[Lawrence084]

Please note. Your child supports payments starts the day she files. For example:

Rough timeline of future events:

1) She files January 2nd
2) You receive notice to appear in court on January 20th.
3) You request DNA Testing.
4) Your DNA Testing is Feb 20th.
5) Child DNA Testing is Feb 20th.
6) You recieve notice you are the bio-father on March 15th.
7) Child support hearing May 1st.
8) You are summon to pay $500 a month.
9) On May 1st you already owe Jan, Feb, Mar, and Apr.
10) You owe $2000 + $500 due on June 1st.

My point is, start saving what you think you will be paying monthly from the day that she files.

[draca]

Thanks for the input, everybody.

@Dogmatique: Do you mean every source of income needs to be reported to HER (or just the court)? Because she's a gold digger I know she will feel she deserves more if she thinks I have more money, which is why I never let her (or any woman) know I have any savings.

@Aardvarc, I don't follow your remark "in reality often works out to be much less than living as a married couple". Are you saying that the guidelines for CS payments from an unmarried father will be less than if they had been married and divorced? From what I can tell Tennessee law may not differentiate between if the parents were ever married, but I may be wrong.

[Dogmatique]

I always find it terrifically amusing that these women are wonderful, heavenly creatures until they file for their RIGHTFUL child support after having a child.

EVERY source of income will be required by the court - and Mom will be entitled to discovery. Try and hide it, and you will wish you'd simply handed over your bank account information.

Period.