Preventing Family From Taking Advantage of an Elderly Relative

[Michael56]

My question involves a person located in the state of: Indiana
Hi all. I live in South Carolina, my brother in Georgia. Long story short, my father has the beginnings of dementia or Alzheimer's. He has a will and trust. I am the executor and POA. Right now, he lives on his own, takes care of himself and his finances. But his level of confusion and memory loss is increasing. My brother has the propensity to be a con. He has "borrowed" money from Dad before. My worry is that knowing how Dad is, he will use this to his advantage and con him out of money or property. How do I prevent it? Can I even do anything? I have no idea what to do, if there is anything that I can do.
Dad has been told by his GP that he should see a neurologist but he has refused. I don't want to have to go in and try to force things because that will not be good. At this point, I can't show that he is unable to care for himself, is a danger to himself or others. But I need to protect him from those who will seek to take advantage. I need some advice and I need it quick. Thanks!

[Mr. Knowitall]

You appear to have two choices: 1. Deal with the issues with your father, get him to a neurologist or other appropriate care provider, and get an assessment of his mental competence and, ideally, diagnosis and treatment of any disorder. He may be able to get medication that will provide him with significant benefit - and sometimes symptoms of that type can be brought on by medications or a combination of medications and can be improved by adjusting or changing medications. 2. Don't deal with the issues, don't help your father get a diagnosis and medication that may help stabilize and improve his condition, and risk that family members will take advantage of him.

[PandorasBox]

You really need to see an Elder Law Attorney. It really is worth it to cover your own butt, know your rights/laws as well as protecting your father.

Your father cannot give away any money or property, as when he needs to apply for Medicaid, they will want to see his financial records for 5 years, and will want to know where every dime went. Anyone even getting a "gift" from him or making a purchase for him and being reimbursed can be criminally investigated (Financial abuse of a senior). Been there.....

[Mr. Knowitall]

Medicaid is primarily interested in "where did the money go". Their number one tool when the money disappears is to impose a period of disqualification based upon the amount of money at issue. There are circumstances where their investigation might result in their referring a case to law enforcement, to see if some of the money was improperly taken, but that's not their goal in investigating.

[Foster_Foster]

"Your father cannot give away any money or property, as when he needs to apply for Medicaid, they will want to see his financial records for 5 years, and will want to know where every dime went."

Whoa there. Have you done a Medicaid application? Five years' worth of every dime? Not sure what state Medicaid agency has the resources for that sort of thing.

"Anyone even getting a "gift" from him or making a purchase for him and being reimbursed can be criminally investigated (Financial abuse of a senior)."

In theory, anything "can" happen but people are entitled to make gifts and transfer assets. Medicaid will not presume that crimes have been committed. Whether Medicaid will declare the person ineligible for benefits for X period of time is another question.

- - - Updated - - -

Other than setting up an appointment and taking him there without telling him ahead of time that the person is a "neurologist," I'm not sure what to tell you. So long as he's mentally/legally competent, nothing you can do.

I'd feel free to ask him whether you may review his finances monthly or help him address those, but other than telling your brother that every unpaid loan will be pursued when the time comes and that your dad needs his resources to pay for his OWN care when the time comes ...

Unless/until father is legally incompetent (and suspecting or even being diagnosed with Altzheimer's doesn't automatically make one so), it's not as though you're in a position to seek conservatorship over him and his affairs.

[Michael56]

Thanks to all who have replied. Very sorry for my delay in answering. He did voluntarily see a Neurologist. I'm waiting to see what he says. And I am going to send my dear brother a certified letter warning him about the consequences of any attempts at acquiring money or property. As far as Medicaid is concerned, we haven't been there yet. But I imagine we may if he worsens and needs help. It may be a good idea for me to consult a local elder law specialist and lay everything out on the table to see where we stand. Thanks again!

[PandorasBox]

Foster...I've been there. We had to provide 5 years of bank statements for my grandmother. And explain about approximately a years worth of purchases. And then I faced potential criminal charges that Dept of Human Services wanted to bring against me....

- I did my grandmothers grocery shopping. When she did not give me enough money, I used my ATM/Debit card to pay for the rest of the items. The mistake - she paid me back.
- She needed a new stove. I drove around, picked up brochures and pricing. She selected. I had the only credit cards, so I charged it. The mistake? she wrote the check to me, not my credit card.
- As she was being hospitalized, unknown to me, she had my mom write a check to pay off my car. Looked like I had fun with her checkbook......Had to have the title put in her name so I could avoid criminal charges.

Yep....it was a real headache. That is why I avoid OP to have atleast a consult with an Elder Law Attorney and know his/her rights and all the fun legal stuff.

[Michael56]

Well, I learned that he DID NOT see the Neurologist. He never showed up. His GP called me yesterday. Seems the pharmacist called them because Dad had been there three times so far that day to get medicine. Problem is, he was not to get any. He also went to the eye doctor to get blood work done. Seems to me that things are getting worse fast. We don't know if he's over medicating and he's out and that's why he went to the pharmacy. Or did he just think he needed medicine? I was just up there and attempted to see how he was doing with bill paying, meds, all that. he got very testy and refused to cooperate.
It looks to me like he shouldn't be driving. He needs to MAKE his doctors appointments. And I think someone should oversee his medicine to make sure he's taking what he's supposed to. Problem is, I can't force him to cooperate. If I do go up it will be a fight because he won't think anything is wrong.