At What Point is Denial of Visitation Enough to Change Custody

[mddad2]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Maryland

My ex wife has denied 21 days of visitation between my daughter and I since January 4th of this year. She has filed for modication of custody asking that my visitation be reduced to every Wednesday evening and every other weekend Friday at 6pm-Sunday at 7pm. She is also asking that I lose one visitation day per week during the summer. I currently see my daughter every other day during the week and every other weekend on the same schedule she is proposing. In the summer I have my daughter overnight on Sunday and one evening during the week. My ex wife is requesting this claiming that my wife is abusive to our daughter(mine and my ex wife's). THis is not true and being untrue, she has not one shred of evidence. She plans to put my daughter on the stand to testify that my wife is "emotionally abusive". My daughter has been seeing the same counselor for 3 years now and all of the "issues" that my ex wife sees with how my wife interacts with my daughter have not been sufficient for her counselor to take any action through child protective services. In fact, even my daughter's attorney has told my ex wife that the issues she is raising are out of her control. Basically, my ex wife does not want my wife having any part in our daughter's discipline, which typically consists of her sitting in the corner, doing a chore or losing out on a fun activity. My ex wife openly admits that she has never disciplined our daughter, that they spend every evening at her parent's house, she discusses the mediation process and court case with our daughter, and allows our daughter to 'decide' whether or not to visit me. She has also admitted that she has instructed her mother, who is our daycare provider to take my daughter and leave the house with her so I wasn't able to pick her up. She also openly admits to denying all the visits and thinks she is completely justified in her actions. We have gone through 4 mediation sessions to no avail. My daughter's attorney is suggesting a shared custody schedule where I have more time with my daughter overall, but fewer weekday visits. I would like an additional weekday visit to make it 50/50 in hopes that my ex will calm down and realize we are equal parents and need to work together. However, I am not completely sure that will happen, since she is very stubborn. My initial filing was for sole custody, but I really do want my daughter to have frequent time with her mom so she can have as "normal" a life as possible.

Since mediation didn't work, we are now left to have a judge decide for us. We have a hearing coming up where my ex wife will have to answer to the 21 counts of contempt against her, as well as having the judge hear the recommendations from my daughter's attorney for custody. Where do you think I stand in this? My attorney says I have a solid case, while my ex has none, but that it really depends on the judge, and they may very well just give her a slap on the wrist and leave the schedule as it is. Any words of experience?

[Dogmatique]

50/50 is not likely to happen if both of you can't agree to it.

Is this the first ever contempt hearing? What reasons has Mom given for withholding the child - and did you actually go over to collect her?

[FatherWhoWon]

By daughter's attorney, I assume you mean guardian ad litem. Generally, but not always, a judge will rule according to whatever the guardian ad litem suggests.

[mddad2]

This is the first contempt hearing. In the past I had addressed issues of denied visitation in our court ordered parent coordination sessions. It was only after my ex began refusing parent coordination, while she was denying visitation for the entire month of January, that I realized I would need to file contempt charges to put this to an end. I attempted pick up every single day that was denied me. There were instances where my ex would allow me to SEE my daughter, but would physically restrain her from coming with me. There were instances where my ex offered me "supervised visits" in her home, which I denied because she was accusing me of abuse and there was no third party present that I trusted to not make the same allegations. I made multiple attempts to pick my daughter up at her school, my ex even resorted to taking my daughter out of school early or keeping her home from school completely to deny visits. On one ocassion my ex's mother picked our daughter up from school because she was "sick" on my schedule visitation day. I contacted the school with a dismissal note that morning and found out my daughter had just left with her grandmother. I contacted my ex and told her I planned to pick my daughter up from her mother's house and care for her while she was ill since it was my scheduled day. When I called her mom, she accidentally answered the phone and I heard her screaming for my daughter to get her shoes on and get in the car because I was coming to "take" her. Her mother then took my daughter (who was out of school "sick") to my ex wife's work, where she remained for the rest of the work day. My ex denies none of this. The one occassion my ex agreed to meet me in a public place so I could see our daughter, she arrived an hour late and only allowed me one hour with our daughter, during which time she repeatedly came over to ask our daughter if she was "ok". Even our 10 year old became frustrated with her interference.

There have even been instances of denied visitation throughout the mediation process. My ex would agree to one thing in mediation and then the very same day deny a visit. She would agree to me picking my daughter up for a Father/Daughter function at school, and then deny me access to our daughter in favor of her going to an event for her uncle. She has gone out of her way to alienate our daughter from me and denigrate my role as her father.

[PQN]

It does sound like you have a solid case and that mom is digging her own grave. But your attorney is correct, it will come down to how you each present in court that day and the judges mood. He could do anything from verbally warn mom not to do it again to giving you full custody on the spot.

Stay calm and keep fighting for the right to parent your daughter. She is only 10 and there is plenty of time to undo mom's alienation.

[mddad2]

The way I feel is that we are each our daughter's parent and each have the right to parent her in our individual ways, as long as they are not causing harm to her. There are many parenting choices my ex wife makes that I do not agree with, including no set schedule for dinner, bedtime, homework, choosing to share adult issues with our daughter, choosing to involve our daughter in adult decisions, failing to spend one-on-one time with our daughter in favor of being at her parents house, literally every night until 9pm or later. I know I can disagree with these and I also know I have no control over them. I do push for the involvement of our daughter in our disputes and adult decisions to stop, as it causes her significant stress. Our daughter's counselor and best interests attorney agree with this fully. My ex wife refuses to agree to stop. I think my daughter is offered more of an opportunity to thrive in my home, as we have a schedule for dinner and sit down as a family almost every night to eat, she has an age-appropriate bedtime which her counselor agrees with, she is encouraged to do her homework early in the evening rather than waiting until right before bedtime, she is challenged to do her best and to use her mistakes as an opportunity to learn rather than writing off a bad grade as "the best she could do". She also has a sister in our home and I am married, we own our home, whereas my ex is single and renting an apartment and does not do any of the above - and openly admits to it, as well!

[ILoveBeingADad]

hey @mddad2 how have things gone so far? Anything in your favor?