Any Chance This Could Actually Happen

[eepk]

My question involves name change laws in the State of: IL

My daughter was given my last name when she was born (I'm the mother), father wasn't on the birth certificate at all. When we went to court the judge changed her last name to his (fathers), because he claimed he was going to be an active part of her life and it was only fair that she have his name. Well fast forward 5 years and he has been absent the entire time. He sees her once or twice a year (for an hour or two at a time).

My question is, is there anyway I could get her name changed back to mine? Or maybe hyphenated?

[Dogmatique]

Why would that be in her best interest?

She's about to go to school, no? She's been used to that name for five years now, correct?

[eepk]

Because she has no ties to him. She doesn't even know who he is. How is it in her best interest to feel like she's not a part of our family (myself and my son have the same last name)? & no, she doesn't know that her last name is J******. She thinks it's M****-J****** (ours/his hyphenated).

I don't need to be lectured on how wrong that is, I know I should've told her from the beginning. I just didn't want her to think she was any less part of the family than her brother is. All I wanted to know is if it was possible to have it changed. If not, fine. I just wanted to know if there was a chance.

[Dogmatique]

Ease up on the defensive there, Mama tiger. It's a legitimate question. The fact that she doesn't know her last name is, yes, your fault.

She of course has ties to him. He's her father. She doesn't know who he is? Who does she think is visiting? Why doesn't she know who he is?

If your main reason is that she doesn't share yours and your son's last names, why not change yours to match hers? That way you won't need to even consult with her father.

If that's not palatable, by all means file in court. Dad will be notified and you'll have to show why it's in her best interests. The fact that she doesn't know her last name is not going to be a point in your favor. However, I don't think hyphenation is unreasonable. Dad might, and he has the right to object.

[eepk]

I didn't mean to be defensive, I apologize. It just eats me up that he gets the right to her having his last name when he has nothing to do with her, except 2-3 hours a year.

She never goes anywhere with him, I am always there when he visits with her. He has never told her who he was and doesn't even interact with her when she's there. I suppose it's up to me to explain to her who he is since he refuses to, but all that will do is confuse her and cause her pain (since he's never around). I know eventually she will know, but I hope by then he decides to be a better father.

Is there any chance a judge will agree to a hyphenated last name or will it be a waste of time/money? If it's pointless I won't even try, but if there's an actual chance I'd like to go for it.

Thank you for your help.

[Dogmatique]

I think in all honesty hyphenation is a good possibility. But if Dad is "the type" who will fight it just to make your life more difficult, it might be best to let things lie for now.

If you do file, you need to explain to the court how little contact he has, and make it crystal clear that you're not asking to remove his name completely. In these circumstances the court might find it hard to argue with you.

Would you please update us though later on? Name-changes are one of the few things that no matter what the statute actually says, tend to be at least in part decided based upon your judge's personal preference (as long as s/he considers what needs to be considered - and there's nothing saying how much any one thing must be considered!), and I'm always interested in what the trends are.

I for one (as I'm sure many others) would truly appreciate that!

[eepk]

Thank you for your help. I'm pretty sure he would fight me on it, but if we end up going to court anyway (which I think is a possibility in the future) I'm going to ask about the hyphenation.

I will definitely update if/when I try to have her name changed.