What Does It Take to Get Custody Changed

[horseyjess]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Any



I am reading through posts. Also going through things that are "told" from many different sources. Those sources may or may not be credible. Especially looking at things from my perspective. What does it honestly take to change custody? I have always thought that a pattern of refusing to co parent and to help with the bond of NCP and child is a reason. Then I am told its not a good enough reason. I would think children missing excessive school and failing school would also play into.

But seriously if the NCP wasn’t ever found unfit. But rather in a divorce agreed to the CP having primary residency. What does it take to change custody? I have two different situations in my home. I get told I CANT do this and that in my divorce/ ex situation. Then I see the DH's ex do what I view as things that are to me out of line and worse that what an atty told me I CANT do. Just frustrating seems like no matter what way people go you get the short end of the stick.


For an example, my ex hasnt seen, talked to or been in contact with my children in over 4 years. Even before that he had limited contact. I was told by my Atty until I got custody changed to where there isn’t primary/ secondary he can walk back in and pick up where he started. That if I haven’t changed the court order that is his right and I have to do this. If I say NO then I could be in contempt and possibly loose my custody. Now my DH's has never been out of his children’s life, with the exception of being deployed when in the military. His ex tells him he has NO say in anything, because he lives in FL and they in WV. That is not in any paperwork, they have joint decision making etc. She fights about visitation and this year decided she wanted them all summer. He is supposed to have summer visitation. She doesn’t comply with medical notification nor let him know what is going on. She will limit phone calls that in court documents can be any day before 9pm, if they arent there the children are to return the phone call as soon as resonable. She wont have the children return phone calls and will only SOMETIMES answer the phone on Sundays. Yet this is accepted?

Anyhow back on topic, what does it really take? When the CP isn’t shown to be a danger to themselves or the children. When the home isn’t as some has referred to being a Meth house. I know there are real circumstances what are those?

[Mr. Knowitall]

Laws are different in each state.

[horseyjess]

Laws are different in each state.

Ok but in general? Aren't they still pretty much in sync?

[PQN]

Ok but in general? Aren't they still pretty much in sync?

Sometimes, maybe, it depends.

[Dogmatique]

Okay, I'll play (at least a little).

Once an initial custody determination has been made, something needs to change substantially in order for it to be modified.

This change in some states can be in the parents' life, but more often the change needs to be in the child's life. Now, what constitutes a change?

In one or two states, the child aging up can be a change in and of itself. Relocation can be a substantial change in some states - and not in others.

When it comes to co-parenting what we find is that what most posters think are huge issues are actually nothing more than parenting differences and the courts will not micro-manage parenting. What the courts WILL look at are things such as blatant and repeated (and proven) instances where the parent withholds visitation (be it physical or telephonic). Or, perhaps things are so unstable that the child is failing school.

In your case, Jess, you have an easy option - you DO have a substantial change since the original order was made. That change? Your ex hasn't exercised ANY visitation in years. So you can go back to court and get things changed. Your husband's situation? He needs to be filing contempt each and every time Mom withholds his court-ordered visitation.

(I will say though that in your husband's case, it's more likely that the court will limit phone contact - "any time before 9pm" is not reasonable to Mom)

[horseyjess]

Okay, I'll play (at least a little).

Once an initial custody determination has been made, something needs to change substantially in order for it to be modified.

This change in some states can be in the parents' life, but more often the change needs to be in the child's life. Now, what constitutes a change?

In one or two states, the child aging up can be a change in and of itself. Relocation can be a substantial change in some states - and not in others.

When it comes to co-parenting what we find is that what most posters think are huge issues are actually nothing more than parenting differences and the courts will not micro-manage parenting. What the courts WILL look at are things such as blatant and repeated (and proven) instances where the parent withholds visitation (be it physical or telephonic). Or, perhaps things are so unstable that the child is failing school.

In your case, Jess, you have an easy option - you DO have a substantial change since the original order was made. That change? Your ex hasn't exercised ANY visitation in years. So you can go back to court and get things changed. Your husband's situation? He needs to be filing contempt each and every time Mom withholds his court-ordered visitation.

(I will say though that in your husband's case, it's more likely that the court will limit phone contact - "any time before 9pm" is not reasonable to Mom)

Thanks for playing . As far as I go I am going to court tomorrow for my custody to be "fixed" so to say. To suspend all parenting time until he completes new parenting classes and files with the courts for supervised visitation time to re acclimate into the children’s lives. Still debating on what to do after that, as years of being gone I really don't want anything to happen to me and then my Ex get the children handed to him.

As far as hubby goes the last time they were in court that was modified, as far as the phone contact went the judge told her that she was to call him back. It is so hard to keep going to court states away for contempt. Not to mention expensive!

I didn't actually just mean in our cases but in general. There seems to me that there isn’t quite Black and White. It seems a little foggy. In that the CP gets told that if they do this or that they are bad and can lose primary custody. Then if you are the NCP and the CP is doing the same this or that, you are told that it will happen go to court and things may not, in fact probably won’t change. (Wow that sounds confusing hope you get the jest of what I was trying to say. Work is playing havoc on me today. Plus it’s the end of my 3 12hr shift days

[Dogmatique]

There are different expectations though - the CP is expected (and in some instances actually required) to do that little bit more than the NCP to facilitate the relationship between the child and the NCP.

The CP is often held to something of a higher standard. This makes sense, because they have the privilege and the responsibility of having the children live with them primarily. The NCP's visitation is a right, not an obligation though and they don't have to follow through with visitation yet we know that if the CP withholds visitation all hell can break loose in court. So yes, the parents can be treated very differently in court.

You are right - it's really not black and white.