Father Trying to Get Custody from Maternal Grandmother

[Nyxxi]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Kentucky


Hi. My fiance has a five year old daughter who is in her maternal grandmother's custody. The grandmother was given temporary custody of the child when the mother was put into jail for child abuse. When the mother was arrested my fiance had his daughter with him, due to the mother's bad habit of disappearing for weeks at a time. Fiance went to the court house when he found out about mother's arrest but was told that they couldn't do anything because he hadn't taken the required parent education class. The grandmother then showed up and took the child. Fiance let her take her because she had, in a prior event when the mother left the child, used false documents (stating that she had custody when she didn't) to make fiance bring the child to her on threat of arrest. Since the mother's arrest (3 years ago) my fiance has been given the run around when it comes to custody.

When the mother was released a year ago (with the stipulation that she was not allowed around any child unsupervised) the child informed us that she "stayed with mommy" on multiple occasions. Fiance called child services and the case worker for child's case treated him in an utterly foul manner and informed him that it would be a cold day in h&$% before she let him have custody.

A few months after mother's release we found out through the grape vine that there was a court date set where the grandmother was going to try to get permanent custody. Fiance made it a point to be there and when the judge asked if there was anyone else who wanted custody of the child fiance made himself known. The judge asked who he was, and Fiance furnished both his divorce papers and his acknowledgement of paternity document. The judge said that the grandmother had stated that the father was the mother's other ex, and then asked the social worker if she had any idea about the new development. The case worker (the same one Fiance had talked with) informed the judge that she had no idea that there was or ever had been a father at all in the picture. Push leads to shove, mother made a scene in the courtroom that she wasn't sure he was the father and wanted a paternity test because she had been with six men at the time of conception, and then it was over. The judge awarded grandmother custody, mother's rights were stripped because of her charges, no paternity test because mother and fiance had both signed acknowledgement document and so on and so forth.

Now, we have learned in recent months that the child is no longer residing with the grandmother, but is residing with the mother. Mother is house hopping and dealing drugs (she tried to sell pills to my fiance's mother.) My question, is how does my fiance go about getting custody? And do I have any rights? (I have been in the child's life since 2010, and we have bonded to the point that the child calls me mommy and insists on calling my children her brothers.) My fiance is a good man, not a single blemish on his record, other than minor traffic violations from years ago. I am a stay at home mother (also with a squeaky clean record), so there is always an adult home. The child also has her own room (something she doesn't have with mother or grandmother.) The grandmother is very manipulative and happens to be friends with the higher ups in the county's court house as well as the case worker from social services.


Sorry this was so long, any advice is welcome. I've never had to deal with anything pertaining to court and likewise my fiance is naive on the subject. Thanks for your time.

[Dogmatique]

Honestly?

Your fiance needs an attorney. This has gone beyond the usual custody dispute, and now there's a third party involved.

Unfortunately, you have absolutely no rights at all. Please, don't let kiddo call you Mommy - not at this point.

Can your fiance contact legal aid? Is there a law library close by? Has he tried the local Bar Association?

[Nyxxi]

Unfortunately because (or so it has been explained to him) my fiance cannot get legal aid because the child's mother used the local legal aid office during the divorce... they told him it would be conflict of interest. I've tried my hardest to keep away from the "M" word (mommy) but she continues to call me that...she is well aware of the difference between me and her mother, though, if that's any consolation. Thank you so much for the suggestions, we feel like we are floating in the middle of the ocean, right now.

[Dogmatique]

I know how hard it is to be what's known as a "legal stranger" (because I am one too, and I have two girls in their mid-20s!), and feeling lost in the midst of the chaos.

I'd also look for Father's Rights groups in your area - they're popping up everywhere and they might have some great resources. Also, your fiance can look at SPARC who are aimed at helping the NCP, but they're extremely father-friendly (because most of the time, Dad is the NCP).

[Nyxxi]

Thanks, again. I will have him look into it. And, I just noticed how irresponsible I must have seemed in the original post. We are not standing idle while she is with her mother, we've tried social services, and the police, but Social Services in our area is not much in the way of actually helping and as I've said the grandmother pretty much has them in her back pocket, and the police tell us to call Social Services...

[Dogmatique]

I don't think it sounds like you're being idle - it just sounds like a very complex situation that needs more help than even this awesome message board can provide

It's vital at this point I think for your fiance to get with an attorney. No matter what it takes - working two, three jobs, getting a loan from friends or family, because although he SHOULD be able to challenge the current situation there are again complications which take this from your usual custody dispute between two fit parents, to a custody dispute between a parent who might not be legally established as a parent, a grandparent and a possibly unfit parent.