Paternity After Adoption

[SEC]

My question involves adoption law for the State of: NY


My question involves paternity law for the State of: NY

My wife and I tried for three years to get pregnant through a sperm bank. Three years and a lot of money later we decided to try the turkey baster method. We asked a guy we knew who was going into the marine corps to deposit his sperm into a cup and I deposited into my wife. We had him sign a sperm donor agreement (not legally binding in ny). She got pregnant. He dropped off the face of the earth.

He showed back up 15 months later (our son was 6 months). He saw a picture of my wife and son on Facebook and said is that mine. She said probably. He said I want visitation, 50% custody, all of these other nice things. We said lets sit down and talk and we'll try to figure something out. But you knew what we were comfortable with before we started. Anyways, our lawyer told us to change our phone numbers and stop talking to him. Which we did. We told him if he felt like he wanted to established paternity, to go ahead and "do what he needed to do" but that we wanted him to be involved in our son's life but in a way that was healthy for everyone. He was obviously angry, and we would talk to him
In six months to attempt to discuss what role he wanted to play.

In the meantime, we have filed for and are scheduled to finalize a step-parent adoption. He never registered putative father. He never attempted to establish paternity. After the adoption is final can we establish paternity and get his medical history from him? Because we have an incomplete medical history, he said he'd get back to us on some pertinent medical history but he dropped off the face of the earth. Also would the establishment of paternity put him on the hook for a year of child support? We don't want any money from him or for him to be liable, we just want a detailed medical history.

I know drama, right?

[Dogmatique]

You're already the legal father - why are you going with a stepparent adoption? What has your attorney told you?

[SEC]

I was not clear. We are in a homosexual relationship. My son was born 4 days before the gay marriage law was passed in NY. We were not married until he was 4-months old. The family law law has not caught up with this change. So I am not the legal father. But will be in about a month.

[Dogmatique]

If you become the legal parent, the biological father has no rights or obligations. You would also have no right to request any information from him. (Well, you have the right to ask - but he has no obligation to furnish you with any information and that would be true even if he established his own paternity).

I trust that your attorney is aware of the intricacies of such an adoption, and that the biological father has at least been served via publication?

[SEC]

She did not over my wish too. She said the fact that it could be the guy or the sperm bank, that my wife can choose to not name the donor. That because he had full knowledge of what we were doing that it is his responsibility to take the proper steps to claim paternity. My son might not even biological belong to him. So there is not putative father, there is no legal father since no one has stepped forward. So there is no one to give notice to.

I object to this line of thinking. It seems a little slippery. I would rather just put him on notice through the paper.

Family court can't compel him to release family medical history?

[Dogmatique]

Family court absolutely cannot force him to release a family medical history.

Even if it could, what would happen if he simply said "No known problems"?

Here's the problem with what you've said. If you had gone through a sperm bank, there are very specific legal provisions which allow the parents to go ahead with parentage without the donor being involved at all. The problem is, you didn't do this - your wife effectively became pregnant by normal means. You don't have the same protection at all.

I agree with your instinct that this is slippery. And it could backfire. She knows the man's identity, and to say that she doesn't is actually committing paternity fraud.

[SEC]

To say she doesn't know who the donor is would be a lie. She saying she's choosing to not reveal who the possible donor(s) could be.

Because there is no legal father. What do you think of that? Still slippery?

[Dogmatique]

I still think this is slippery. If only you'd continued with the sperm bank

But, you have an attorney. If the attorney is confident that this is all legal and above board, then we really can't second-guess your attorney.

Is there absolutely no way to contact him?

[SEC]

We live in a large town/small city. If I wanted to I could. But again on the advice of counsel, we have blocked his number from calling us, because he got belligerent and abusive. Make threats to our bodily har
And to steal our son.

He was a really good friend of our, so we don't really see this coming. We'd been friends for a while. This was more there idea then mine. Because of all these potential legal mines. Which I expressed and that's why we had him sign the donor release.

My dilemma really is, the court is going to do what's in the best interest of my son. We have no problem with this man having a supervised relationship with our son if he stops making threats and being a tool (if they're biologically related.) It's really pretty abusive the way he was before we cut him off. So in that state he was in not appropriate to deal with an infant.

But if the court is going to rule best interest it's not going to be for this guy. Who has had no contact, who hasn't sent money or gone through the courts to establish anything. Just made threats. He's known for sure for 7 months now. It's technically abandonment if he had a legal father. But why not go that route then and terminate his putative rights because he hasn't made a move.

I just want to tell him so our bases are covered and nothing can get overturned in the end. Which my lawyer assures me wont happen because he has not taking steps to become the legal father before the adoption paperwork started. So therefore we don't need to tell him.

I don't know if we should talk to a different family court judge? Because of this back fires the only two people in this situation that stand to be hurt are my son and myself.