No, I have no "proof" of him driving drunk with my son in the car. I don't have the power to have an out-of-body experience, appear in Illinois and take photographs or videos of this happening. I only have what my seven year old says and, come hell or high water, I have every intention of using it, whether or not it's accepted is up to a judge.
I have been posting here a long time and maybe it's time to share why this all hits so close to home for me. Yeah, a mom losing one child is traumatic by itself, but I have already lost two of my other children and not for reasons you might be thinking (CPS involvement), not at all. One was taken from me through suicide at the tender age of 13. I had gotten very sick and my grandmother cared for her for me for a while. It happened in her care. That damned near killed me yet, I managed to accept it and go on never needing drugs, alcohol or a mental institution to act as my crutch. The CP I have mentioned here used to tell me ALL the time her suicide was my fault and laugh about it, but I guess that's OK too. Ten years later, my young son was kidnapped by his father when he was only a year and a half old. The authorities didn't consider it kidnapping, however, because I hadn't yet filed for divorce and dad could basically do whatever he wanted with him. Ah, the laws of the land are so very just indeed. I tried for many years to find him, but every time I got close, his father moved again. I didn't see him again until he was seventeen and by then his father had completely and totally ruined him. This was last year and now my son uses a variety of drugs, has absolutely no ambition in life and really doesn't care if he lives or dies. He told me his dad forced him to watch porn at a very young age, had sex with women in front of him, fed him dog food and so on. I know this because I took him into our household and tried desperately to give him back the love he missed out on. He didn't like my rule of "no drugs" as his dad encouraged him to use them freely and wound up going back to his father. But I speculate that, had I been able to find him, a judge wouldn't have thought that kind of crap going on was a big deal either. Cynical? Yes, and I think I've seen and heard enough to earn the right to be.
So, that all being duly noted, maybe you guys will choose to go a bit easier on me and, at the very least, give me a very tiny glimmer of hope. I know how the world operates, I've experienced it firsthand. And, contrary to popular belief, I'm not hear to whine and complain nor try and come across as a hypocrite, downing the CP for things I do myself. On the contraire, I do not drink excessively, use drugs, beat or even so much as spank my kids and never have, nothing out of the norm. Like there really IS anything that I'd consider remotely normal anymore except the love I have for my children, God and my husband.
And sure, everything I say here is completely one-sided, but it seems I'm part of the majority as EVERYTHING asked here is one-sided, is it not? And there is WAY more about the CP than I have mentioned here before. It's just that, even after five years of separation, I have been too afraid to share any of it, afraid he might see it. I have finally gotten to the point where I am SO tired of everyone thinking he's in the right, it's time to fess up.
He strangled me almost to death in front of my eldest daughter and, had she not intervened, I wouldn't be alive to type this. I didn't call the police because he told me it was my fault he had
to use force and I was so messed up in the head by then I believed him. Everything he did was always my fault as he was capable of no wrong doing. He got on our riding mower drunk as can be and raced up and down our secluded farm road with our little baby in his arms. I ran beside him for miles trying to get him to give me our son, but he wouldn't stop, laughing all the way at me. I DID call the police then (even if it meant my own life I was going to protect my child) and, while I was talking to them, he cut the phone line and then proceeded to parade around the front porch with a shotgun threatening to kill us if we tried to leave. The cops showed up and arrested him, put a mandatory restraining order on him after he got out and, that
too, was my fault.
You're probably thinking I'M the nut and not him for not leaving him immediately, but you don't understand the cycle of abuse if your thoughts steer that way. I grew up in a very wealthy, but abusive environment. I never thought I was good enough, pretty enough, smart enough to be acceptable to others. I went to college and made straight A's while raising my two older children and working full time to try and help other people like me and there are MANY. I've been married 6 times since the age of 18 and am now almost 49. You want to pass judgement on me, tell me I CAN'T do something? Go ahead. I'm used to it, but I will tell you I will die trying and might even be lucky enough to win. Stranger things have happened.
I am finally sharing this with the hope someone else who has been through what I have been through reads this and feels empowered to strive for what she/he believes in and let's nothing and I mean NOTHING stand in their way. People will ALWAYS tell you can't do something you feel you can and, if you listen to them, pretty soon you believe it. Never, EVER believe that for ANYTHING is possible if you want it bad enough and you act in a righteous manner to attain it.