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  1. #1
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    Jun 2012
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    Default Children Living with Grandparents While Mother Collects Child Support

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Oklahoma

    Hi,

    I am looking for some kind of advice on how to go about getting full custody of my children, I have joint custody and am still paying child support. But, recently found out that my children have been living with their grandparents 40 miles away from me for the last two years, and the mother lives 60 miles from them in her home with her b/f and new child. The grandparents informed us of this situation the past weekend, that they have been the ones raising the children and she isnt paying them a dime of the child support for them. She constantly is calling us and telling us we owe her more money. I want to take her back to court and get full custody and get her out of the picture. But my only problem is that im afraid that the grandparents will turn on us and stay on her side. The grandparents asked me to give them full custody and they wouldnt ask for child support, I want my children I dont want them raised by them. Please help with any advice

    Thank you

  2. #2
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    Feb 2011
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    Virginia
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    Default Re: Children Living with Grandparents While Mother Collects Child Support

    How is it that for two years, they lived with grandparents and you were unaware? How often have you seen them in the last two years? If you have been uninvolved for so long, I would think that grandparents have a more than decent shot at keeping them in their home. Especially if you gaining custody would require relocating them.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Children Living with Grandparents While Mother Collects Child Support

    Well I was not "unaware" just couldnt prove where they were living due to the grandparents covering for her, and she was lying as well.. Also my attorney told me there was nothing i could do about it and that even getting a private investigator would not help.. umm and no i get them every other weekend and for 4 weeks in the summer and alternating holidays so i am not an absent father.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Children Living with Grandparents While Mother Collects Child Support

    While your explanation may be true, it still seems awfully strange that it took two years to finally arrive at this realization. I would think a judge or GAL would have the same issue. How old are the children? Are theyin school? If they are younger and less able to communicate about their living situation, I can see there being a little more understanding of why you did not know. If they are not in school yet, that might also be helpful since relocating would then not mean having to change schools.

    You may have some disadvantages here (I for one am still stuck on the two years issue especially), but I'm not sure why your attorney thinks there is nothing you can do. I would probably be looking for a second opinion and maybe a new attorney altogether. Maybe try a few consultations, and don't just pick the one who tells you the things you want to hear necessarily, but pick one that seems knowledgable and reasonable but also has a plan of action that you can follow.

  5. #5
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    Jun 2012
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    Default Re: Children Living with Grandparents While Mother Collects Child Support

    OK..... sorry but you did not read my thread very well.. we went thru the divorce with my lawyer the whole time telling me that i could not get full custody because the exs parents wouldnt stand up in court, we have been fighting for the last two years to get the truth to come out with the grandparents, the children tell us everytime they come down where they live, we have taken them to our lawyer and she says it wont stand up in court... so if your not an attorney then stop replying to my questions. You have no idea what is going on on my end and you are not properly reading the thread i posted in the first place.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Children Living with Grandparents While Mother Collects Child Support

    Quote Quoting katieharvey
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Oklahoma

    But, recently found out that my children have been living with their grandparents 40 miles away from me for the last two years, and the mother lives 60 miles from them in her home with her b/f and new child. The grandparents informed us of this situation the past weekend....
    This is what you said. Recently is the word you used, as well as the phrase "this past weekend."

    Regardless, two years is still going to be a big hurdle for you to overcome, among other things. And if I were you, I wouldn't bring up the child support issues you have in the courtroom like you did in your post. It makes it seem like money is one of your motivations.


    Incidentally, very few people on this board are attorneys. Generally, help from an attorney is something you have to pay for, excepting the free in-office consultations offered by some. So, if you want advice from an attorney, you need to either listen to the one you have if you are happy with her, or consult with some others to find a new one.

  7. #7
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    Toledo, OH
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    Default Re: Children Living with Grandparents While Mother Collects Child Support

    so if your not an attorney then stop replying to my questions.
    That's not the way this forum works, dollie.

    If you want an attorney, HIRE ONE. If you're going to ask VOLUNTEERS to help you, you don't get to specify that you want someone with credentials.

    you are not properly reading the thread i posted in the first place
    It's your responsibility to write clearly, not ours to seek to interpret.
    I'm not a lawyer, but I play a researcher on the internet!
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  8. #8
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    Jun 2012
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    Default Re: Children Living with Grandparents While Mother Collects Child Support

    Well the site does say "expert law" and it doesnt appear that either of you are attorneys, MISSY AND DOLLEY... So like I said I was asking advice not asking for smart ass remarks from the peanut gallery that has nothing better to do than to troll sites just be dicks. And yes I have an attorney and have had one the whole time with several different consults. And yes I have gotten my children when the child custody says im suppose to get them. I pay my child support every month, and i wouldnt mind paying it now if it were going to the grandparents who have had them. So stay off of my thread.. Im not trolling your threads just trying to start trouble..

  9. #9

    Default Re: Children Living with Grandparents While Mother Collects Child Support

    Quote Quoting katieharvey
    View Post
    I am looking for some kind of advice on how to go about getting full custody of my children, I have joint custody and am still paying child support. But, recently found out that my children have been living with their grandparents 40 miles away from me for the last two years, and the mother lives 60 miles from them in her home with her b/f and new child.

    Let's start with the practical matters. Are the grandparents going to hand the children over to you? If yes, then go back to court and file for modification of custody and support based on the children residing with you. If the grandparents want to continue on with the children, things get more complicated.

    If the grandparents want to see guardianship, based on extended absence of BOTH parents in the children's lives, they stand a good chance of getting it. If you've been so absent from the children's lives that you didn't realize whom they were living with for two years, odds that a judge is going to award you full custody are slim unless there is some issue where the children are in immediate physical danger, are removed from the grandparents due to neglect, etc.. When is the last time you picked up your children to visit face to face? If the answer is two years or more, then to the kids you might as well be a perfect stranger and no judge is going to remove children from the stablity of their everyday lives to hand them to such a stranger, parent or not.


    The grandparents informed us of this situation the past weekend, that they have been the ones raising the children and she isnt paying them a dime of the child support for them.
    If they didn't get a child support order, then mom isn't obligated to pay child support (morally, of course she is, but LEGALLY, not). They should be getting the child support that you are paying, but they'll need to get the matter before the court. That won't happen automatically - THEY will need to take steps to get that ball rolling.


    She constantly is calling us and telling us we owe her more money.
    Your answer is: "I pay what's in the court order. Period." And leave it at that. I suspect that mom knows that her gravy train will dry up pretty quick once the sitation comes to light in court, so SHE isn't going to be the one to initiate anything.


    I want to take her back to court and get full custody and get her out of the picture.
    You can take her back to court of course, and get some things changed. Full custody isn't likely, at least not until you actually build a relationship with your children - and unless she's been found to be unfit by child services, she won't be out of the picture either. Anticipate that the support amount would be ordered paid to the G's and that you'll be expected to actually spend parenting time with the children before full custody would be awarded. The courts are highly unlikely to traumatize the children by just flipping a switch and having them wake up in a new life one day.


    But my only problem is that im afraid that the grandparents will turn on us and stay on her side.
    They've been raising your children for two years, so yes, it would make sense that they have a vested interest here.



    The grandparents asked me to give them full custody
    Which you don't have the power to do. They need to ask a JUDGE to order that. You of course can contest it, but the reality is that you've been as much of an absent parent as mom, so the court isn't going to be gung ho to remove the children from the stability that the grandparents have been providing. They can ask the court to award guardianship based on the history of the last two years, and that any already ordered support be directed to them to care for the children. You might challenge support, but consult with an attorney FIRST - support tends to be centered on formulas, and typically as time goes by, formulas result in larger, not smaller, payment amounts.


    and they wouldnt ask for child support,
    They don't necessarily have to ask for it. The children are ENTITLED to it and the court can act accordingly.

    I want my children I dont want them raised by them. Please help with any advice
    First, you need a dose of reality. You're unlikely to get what you want here. Someone ELSE has been the children's primary caretaker for two years. The children are now in a state of stablity and apparantly being well cared for by the grandparents. It doesn't create an emergency for the courts that you're just now finding out where the children are actually living (as opposed to wherever you thought they were living). That fact is going to cause the court a LOT of concern and is not going to shine favorably on how active you've been in the children's lives, even if there have been visits along the way.
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  10. #10
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    Feb 2011
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    Default Re: Children Living with Grandparents While Mother Collects Child Support

    Well then, I think I'm done here. I hope that this is not the impression you give in a courtroom. If it is, well, that explains quite a bit .

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