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  1. #1

    Default Non-Custodial Parent Moves Out of State

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois

    My ex-husband and I have been separated for 6 years and divorced for 5. I was awarded sole custody and control of the children. He was awarded reasonable and seasonable supervised visitation. He has sparingly exercised his visitation rights and moved out of state almost 2 years ago. I do not want them travelling that far away from me and there is currently no order for me to send them. He wants them to go to his state for the summer and I told him no. He talked to the kids today and he has made them angry with me for not letting them go and is telling them that when they are 12 years old they can choose where they want to live. This is not fair to my children and is causing them emotional harm. How do I handle this? Any advice would be great help.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Non-Custodial Parent Moves Out of State

    Quote Quoting larson.lisa.ll
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    He talked to the kids today and he has made them angry with me for not letting them go...
    Ideally he would have dealt with you - although you seem to be suggesting that he has been begging you for visits for two years and you keep saying "no". How did it come up? If the kids asked, "Why don't you want to see us," it's difficult to explain why he's not seeing them without explaining that mommy won't let them visit. What have you been telling the kids when they asked you why they weren't seeing dad more often?
    Quote Quoting larson.lisa.ll
    ...and is telling them that when they are 12 years old they can choose where they want to live.
    Which is neither correct nor appropriate.
    Quote Quoting larson.lisa.ll
    This is not fair to my children and is causing them emotional harm. How do I handle this?
    You can start facilitating visits with dad instead of blocking them, and try discussing with dad how custody works and that he should not give the kids inaccurate information, and remind him that it's best to keep custody issues between the adults.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Non-Custodial Parent Moves Out of State

    Quote Quoting larson.lisa.ll
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois

    My ex-husband and I have been separated for 6 years and divorced for 5. I was awarded sole custody and control of the children. He was awarded reasonable and seasonable supervised visitation. He has sparingly exercised his visitation rights and moved out of state almost 2 years ago. I do not want them travelling that far away from me and there is currently no order for me to send them. He wants them to go to his state for the summer and I told him no. He talked to the kids today and he has made them angry with me for not letting them go and is telling them that when they are 12 years old they can choose where they want to live. This is not fair to my children and is causing them emotional harm. How do I handle this? Any advice would be great help.
    Quote Quoting Mr. Knowitall
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    Ideally he would have dealt with you - although you seem to be suggesting that he has been begging you for visits for two years and you keep saying "no". How did it come up? If the kids asked, "Why don't you want to see us," it's difficult to explain why he's not seeing them without explaining that mommy won't let them visit. What have you been telling the kids when they asked you why they weren't seeing dad more often?

    Which is neither correct nor appropriate.

    You can start facilitating visits with dad instead of blocking them, and try discussing with dad how custody works and that he should not give the kids inaccurate information, and remind him that it's best to keep custody issues between the adults.
    Great way to put it my only question is this. The OP posted this.

    Quote Quoting larson.lisa.ll
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois

    I was awarded sole custody and control of the children. He was awarded reasonable and seasonable supervised visitation. .
    So if he has supervised visitation, she would def NOT be required to send them out of state for visitation. That would change things completly no?

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    Default Re: Non-Custodial Parent Moves Out of State

    That's not accurate, Jess.

    It depends on the wording and the actual requirements of and reasons behind the supervision.

    Dad won't get anything done in time for this year, but since he is allowed "reasonable and seasonable", I would imagine that he'd be able to get the order changed in time for next year so that the kids are traveling to see him.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Non-Custodial Parent Moves Out of State

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    That's not accurate, Jess.

    It depends on the wording and the actual requirements of and reasons behind the supervision.

    Dad won't get anything done in time for this year, but since he is allowed "reasonable and seasonable", I would imagine that he'd be able to get the order changed in time for next year so that the kids are traveling to see him.
    Ok thats why I asked. What type of supervision would a person have with visitation? I am picturing supervised visitation as in he did something wrong so somebody has to be there to watch the visits.

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    Default Re: Non-Custodial Parent Moves Out of State

    Unfortunately sometimes supervised visitation is ordered because one party asks for it and the other party either doesn't show, or doesn't know how to object.

    I learned the hard way (after having my backside handed to me on a plate, in a different forum!), that supervised visitation does not equate to the parent actually doing anything wrong

    - - - Updated - - -

    The type of visitation can vary. If it takes place in a visitation center, that's one of way of doing supervision (though this is often prohibitively expensive). Other times it simply means that someone - anyone - has to be present.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  7. #7

    Default Re: Non-Custodial Parent Moves Out of State

    I must not have been clear enough. I don't block his visits. For the most part he has chosen not to make time for them. It is now suddenly convenient for him to want to take them for a whole summer. They see him once or twice a year for minimal time and he calls them just about as often so if they really want to talk to him, they have to make the call because he doesn't. My eldest child is having an extremely difficult time dealing with that. I don't discuss custody issues with my children and if they happen to ask me why their dad doesn't want to spend time with them, I tell them to ask their dad when they have questions about him. I refuse to share my negative opinions about him with my children. And I refuse to make excuses for him. My kids deserve the right to make up their own opinion about their father and that should be based on fact. I suppose he will have to take me to court.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Non-Custodial Parent Moves Out of State

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    Unfortunately sometimes supervised visitation is ordered because one party asks for it and the other party either doesn't show, or doesn't know how to object.

    I learned the hard way (after having my backside handed to me on a plate, in a different forum!), that supervised visitation does not equate to the parent actually doing anything wrong

    - - - Updated - - -

    The type of visitation can vary. If it takes place in a visitation center, that's one of way of doing supervision (though this is often prohibitively expensive). Other times it simply means that someone - anyone - has to be present.
    HA HA gotcha I am sure I will get mine handed to me a time or two. As far as a visitation center that is where my EX had to do it. It cost him 20 an hour IF he would have ever taken it that is.

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