Should I Give Guardianship of My Child To My Mother

[ravynfaire]

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: California
I am the mother of 2 girls - 16 and 10. I have had CPS called on me three times, two of them unfounded and one we had to do a Family Safety plan because of a domestic violence situation that was minor - long story. I grew up physically, verbally and emotionally abused. Anytime I went to see a dr. to talk about my problems they would always tell my family so it made it worse for me and I learned I could not trust people. So the cycle of abuse continued and I have fought hard being a parent to not be abusive, but I have failed in many aspects. I know what I have done wrong and CPS does as well along with the counselors that my kids go to. My biggest issue is that I am a yeller. My oldest daughter currently lives with my mom, because I am allowing her to stay there to help her while we work on our issues. But every time she comes over to my house she picks a fight by saying something mean to me. Recently, we had a good week, and one day we were in the car and we were having a conversation about my roommates (the ones who basically are using me - they owe me a lot of money and do nothing to help and I am kind of stuck since I am unemployed looking for work).. all I did was making a statement and she started defending my roommate. I told her she did not have to defend the roommate that is was just a statement and my daughter continued to say I was being rude and mean. Well, needless to say, I started getting upset and started yelling at her and she kept pushing my buttons by calling me names. At this point, I asked her to stop, that she was pushing my buttons and I was getting angry, but she continued. I then proceeded to tell her that she was making me so angry that I wanted to hit her, and then she egged me on to do so. I didn't. I actually told her, I wasn't going to but instead call her therapist and tell her what happened. She proceeded to tell me that I was going to make myself look like the victum and she was horrible like I always do and how stupid I looked. How everyone hates me.

I told her at that point she is no longer welcome in my home, as much as this broke my heart because she is my daughter, I can not be around someone who is egging me on to hurt them because they know that I have anger issues and they just want to push me to do something wrong so I can get into trouble. She proceeded to continue this fight and I just threw her stuff out of my house. I called my mom and explained what happened and she had to go hunt for her.

My mom does not have custody or guardianship over my daughter. I have not given it, she demands that all the child support go to her and for awhile demanded that I maintain a bedroom in my home for her because she did not to raise her or have her stay there long term. My mom has accused me of verbal abuse to her because I will call her up and ask her what is going on and then get upset when I find out that they are making decision about her schooling and such without talking to me. My mom tells my daughter she can stay there as long as she needs and then tells me she doesn't want her there long term. My mom, my emotional abuser, continues to play both sides and it tears me up inside because my relationship with my daughter has gotten worse when it was supposed to get better. The counselor was supposed to work with me and my daughter but instead only works with my mom and her.

I feel betrayed, hurt and unsure what to do. I am unemployed and live with my fiance, youngest daughter and roommates. The medical insurance we have is state aid, and she will lose it, if she doesn't come home and I don't want her to lose it. I want us all back together but not like this. We were happy once and we have had happy moments since she moved. I am just unsure why she is pushing me to hurt her.

So my question is, as a mom what do I do? She is 16 years old, she verbally and emotionally abusive to me, I am a yeller and in the past when I have been pushed I have hit my kids - but have not done so in over 3 years. Do I give guardianship to my mom? She would still not be able to make any decisions on her education because I live in the same county according to the school. She is a minor, and my child, and even though I feel like I need to walk away, it hurts to do so. But I need to do what is best for all of us - including her and my youngest daughter.

[Dogmatique]

Where is the other parent?

Are you in therapy? It would appear that you need intense (perhaps in-patient) therapy to deal with your issues.

[aardvarc]

If your mother wants guardianship, she'll need to go to court to seek it. Only a judge can order changes in guardianship or custody. If the judge orders your mother to be the child's legal guardian, the school is bound to follow the court's order. She may also be able to seek child support if she's supporting a child. Where is the child's father?

[ravynfaire]

Where is the other parent?

Are you in therapy? It would appear that you need intense (perhaps in-patient) therapy to deal with your issues.

He lives here in California as well and pays court order child support. He is partially in her life - meaning he sees her about 6 times a year and they will text sometimes.

I am not in therapy and I totally agree that I need it. She is and my youngest will be starting this week.

- - - Updated - - -

If your mother wants guardianship, she'll need to go to court to seek it. Only a judge can order changes in guardianship or custody. If the judge orders your mother to be the child's legal guardian, the school is bound to follow the court's order. She may also be able to seek child support if she's supporting a child. Where is the child's father?

Okay. We shall see what happens over the next few months then. As of right now, none of us are talking.