Third Party Intervention in a Custody Case

[horseyjess]

Thankfully this is a forum wherein a poster cannot simply delete their threads.

Because I would love for thousands of other people to read this.

All I can say is I agree

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I know that. As nothing anyone has said has been relevant to this topic at all. Most of which was you. So I figure relevance did not matter.

The topic changed to something else completely, so in that sense, it went with all the side topic. Every post you have made is the father is a horrible person basically so here's a list of every single other person in this child's life who basically feels the same way and wishes she didn't exist and want nothing to do with her.

His want to in the sense of feelings has nothing to do with anything. Just as theirs doesn't. Which has been your direction of the post.


And I am well aware this is not my legal matter. I'v never said or acted as it were. But just like if a friend or family member was in trouble or going through something, I'd be right there to try and help in any way I could.

But again, thanks for sparing your oh so important time with nothingness. I find it awesome.

You are just trying to justify things in your head. He married this woman fathered a child with her. Now it isn’t convenient and he hates the child. GREAT MAN, kudos to you for standing by your man. Hope that they tables aren’t turned one day. Then you will be on this forum or another how can I make him be a part in our Childs life? Or how can I take his rights away? I can semi see this behavior of his out of someone with a one night stand or something. But to father a child and marry the mother, shows one something is not right. He might need an eval at a VA for PTSD or some other issue. I am not saying this to be a total butthead but it’s the truth. He needs something!

Back to the divorce anything can delay it. It a fast divorce is something you’re looking for, when everything isn’t agreed on that is not what is going to happen!

[whispers]

All I can say is I agree

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You are just trying to justify things in your head. He married this woman fathered a child with her. Now it isn’t convenient and he hates the child. GREAT MAN, kudos to you for standing by your man. Hope that they tables aren’t turned one day. Then you will be on this forum or another how can I make him be a part in our Childs life? Or how can I take his rights away? I can semi see this behavior of his out of someone with a one night stand or something. But to father a child and marry the mother, shows one something is not right. He might need an eval at a VA for PTSD or some other issue. I am not saying this to be a total butthead but it’s the truth. He needs something!

Back to the divorce anything can delay it. It a fast divorce is something you’re looking for, when everything isn’t agreed on that is not what is going to happen!

I am not trying to justify anything really. I just do not care.

I would never in my life be one of those moron women trying to make someone be a part of someone's life they didn't want to be in. Or a moron woman going after a father to take his rights away just because I can.
If the father or the mother want nothing to do with their child then why would someone waste time and go out of their way to try and make it happen? That's ridiculous. If I had a child out there I didn't want then I'd want no part of it and how would others trying to force me around it make me hate it less? The mother nor any family members on either side or trying to force him in this kids life. They want nothing to do with it their own self and are smart enough not to try and have him be either.
No one is trying to take his rights as a father away. He's wanting to sign them away. Not as a plot to get out of child support as many men seems to think you can just go do. He just want her out of his life as much as possible. Now, if the tables were turned like with me and he wanted to be in his kid's life then why would I trying to force him to give anything up?
It's his choice. If we had eleven more years together, few kids in the mix, then it's his choice as to what he wants to do and be after the fact.

He was already married to the mother, out of complete random blue a girl off the internet, for a handful of nonsense reasons he ended up married shortly after meeting her. After this, they basically lived in different states and never saw each other. He lived with her and other family members for a few months in between but for almost the entire relationship they lived in different states and hardly ever even spoke then. Then he moved back to the area where she was living, but not with her. She had been seeing other people the entire time, was now living with one of the men, and he was busy going to school and working. The only time he saw her, was when she threatened his friends to find out where he was staying and broke into his place or when he was visiting with a friend who he'd made up there which unfortunantely was the step brother to one of his wife's best friends so in rare cases they crossed paths once or twice due to this. Besides all the legal mumbo to it, to them and how they viewed it, basically they were just two people out there in the world. One day at random signed a piece of paper then continued then went back to their lives. In every great once in awhile, their paths crossed and they would have to talk or more rarely actually have to see one another. And yes, a few times with that they slept together. One of which obviously resulted in a child being made.

He has been evaluated by the VA. Does have PTSD. Does go to the hospitals in the area several times a month for all of his many issues from his time in the military. Some of that is therapy and counseling mandated to him. He had a full psych evalutation just the other month prior to all this setting up for his surgery tomorrow.

And thank you, I think everyone gave u on the idea of it being a quick over and done with some time ago actually, just it was set to be finalized and then other things popped up and already added another six months and this came from the sidelines and out of the blue so have just been trying to figure things out. The two of them had come to terms on everything finally and suddenly the intenevention came in so needless to say he's growing a bit frustrated. But thanks!

[Chede]

I was married with children, together for 11 years, lived in the same house, and had our divorced finalized in less than a month once the papers were filed. I don't understand if this guy is married to someone he never cared about, they never merged finances, they lived in separate states, he fathered a child with her WHILE they were married (huh --- that's weird... ) BUT he says he does not want anything to do with his child and is willing to give up parental rights (---thank goodness YOU will not be a step mother to this beautiful little girl - you clearly do not even want her to exist) ---- what is the hold up on the divorce? Is it because he is also considered the father to her 2nd child (seeing as though they are married and still were married when she had the other baby)? Am I missing something here?

I think you sound really bitter and pissed that he actually has a child with his CURRENT WIFE considering your history with him. Since you are on here "for" him and have no legal rights whatsoever in his life, I would not doubt you may also be trying to control the situation with his child and his wife. Maybe try to step back and let him work/figure things out? Either way, good luck to you. I'm really TRULY trying not to judge and I do not mean for some of my words to sound mean, but really.. good luck. For some reason this guy just sounds shady and I hope everything works out in the end.

[whispers]

I was married with children, together for 11 years, lived in the same house, and had our divorced finalized in less than a month once the papers were filed. I don't understand if this guy is married to someone he never cared about, they never merged finances, they lived in separate states, he fathered a child with her WHILE they were married (huh --- that's weird... ) BUT he says he does not want anything to do with his child and is willing to give up parental rights (---thank goodness YOU will not be a step mother to this beautiful little girl) ---- what is the hold up on the divorce? Is it because he is also considered the father to her 2nd child (seeing as though they are married and still were married when she had the other baby)? Am I missing something here?

I think you sound bitter and pissed out that he actually has a child with his CURRENT WIFE. Since you are on here "for" him and have no legal rights whatsoever in his life, I would not doubt you would also be trying to control the situation with his child and his wife. Either way, good luck to you.

I sort of will be a step mother to her, just not an active role.

The hold up on the divorce has been she jumped back and forth with whether she contested it or not, she has continued to request additional time for paperwork, going to the court order family parenting program, setting up a hearing/civil setting, the DNA results, child support was for a small amount of time, now with the grandparent's stepping into the equation. Every time she has requested additional time, it adds one to two months on until the next date with the judge. Like right now, the grandparents stepping in, the filed and there was the hearing held with the mother which lead to the intervention being granted, and weeks later the finally set two months from now to be the next time anything is brought up about it.

The second child has already been dealt with long ago. He's not responsible for it, it isn't playing a part in anything. It could have easily but that's been fully handled.

Am I happy that he has a child with her? No. I'll be the first to admit that. I wanted nothing to do with him when I found out she existed, we got together later because it was sworn by every single person on the planet she wasn't his. So no, I'm not exactly thrilled about it. I do not wish harm unto the girl as he does, I do not have a burning hatred for her like he and everyone else does, I just basically do not care about her. I have no attatchment to her. I am not her mother. I wouldn't have a burning desire to love some stranger on the street's child either for the same reasons.

I have zero control on what he does nor do I try to. I support him and what he wants to do. I mean, he's having surgery tomorrow on his knee and I have been on several sites and talked to his doctor's and other people about what the procedure is and best after care. That doesn't mean I am trying to control his medical situation now does it? I am just trying to help and learn about a situation that I may not be directly involved in but I was asked to seek answers about as were his family and I care about him and what happens with all of this. It's quite a stressful situation on him so I am sorry if me trying to be helpful comes off as me trying to control him.

I stay out of it. I haven't met the child or the mother, haven't talked to them, do not bother them. If he wants me to know something he tells me, if I do have questions then I ask and he either answers or he doesn't. If they came around, I would go somewhere else and let them deal with whatever they had to deal with. I've never told him what to do. I just support whatever it is he chooses.

He was the way he is about her/about them long before I was even in the picture. I hadn't spoken to him in over a year, though he stayed on the outskirts of my life. I left him alone to go do what he wanted and also es because I was hurt by his actions when he got with her. He wasn't around her/them not because of me, hates them on his own and not because of me. If I was in the picture or not, before I was and since, that is all his own choices and feelings and all else.

He knows I want nothing to do with that part of his life but I don't go around imposing anything on him.

[Chede]

I re worded my post a bit because I really don't want to sound mean. Good luck, sounds like a crazy ordeal.

[ksheja]

I've been reading the family law posts every day for more than a year, and this is one of the saddest threads I have ever seen. I'm the mother of a 17-year-old whose father disappeared from his life 2 months before he was born. He gave him a name (middle name) and then disappeared. Obviously he did not want to be his father or pay child support, but I am pretty certain he never hated him or wished harm to come to him, or to me. Can't ask him, though. He died 3 years ago. He missed out on a great kid. It seems he picked a compatible spouse - one who had abandoned one of her children as well.

I can't imagine wanting to marry someone who actually hates a child for her existence and wants something bad to happen to her. That's sick.

[whispers]

I've been reading the family law posts every day for more than a year, and this is one of the saddest threads I have ever seen. I'm the mother of a 17-year-old whose father disappeared from his life 2 months before he was born. He gave him a name (middle name) and then disappeared. Obviously he did not want to be his father or pay child support, but I am pretty certain he never hated him or wished harm to come to him, or to me. Can't ask him, though. He died 3 years ago. He missed out on a great kid. It seems he picked a compatible spouse - one who had abandoned one of her children as well.

I can't imagine wanting to marry someone who actually hates a child for her existence and wants something bad to happen to her. That's sick.

Some people believe gay marriage is sick. Some people believe abortion is sick. Some people believe G*d is sick. But thank you for voicing your opinion.

[Dogmatique]

Some people believe gay marriage is sick. Some people believe abortion is sick. Some people believe G*d is sick. But thank you for voicing your opinion.

If you can't understand the difference between the examples you've been given here and your husband's situation, you need more help than a message board can give you.

Then again, I - and I'm apparently not alone here - am beginning to think you're either not the "girlfriend" at all, or you're making up this entire thread.

We do get all sorts here.

[whispers]

If you can't understand the difference between the examples you've been given here and your husband's situation, you need more help than a message board can give you.

Then again, I - and I'm apparently not alone here - am beginning to think you're either not the "girlfriend" at all, or you're making up this entire thread.

We do get all sorts here.

I understand there is a difference, but at the end of the same plenty of similarities lie there too. I hate plenty of people. I hate plenty of people in my own family. Just because your personal moral compass points somewhere doesn't mean everyone else's goes to that same place.

Yes, because asking about third party custody is apparently outing me as not being in a relationship and not with my fiancee. And the fact no one stays on topic except me trying to and get away from the nonsense. Oookay. People on the internet are getting dumber by the second obviously.

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Fiancee wants his divorce. Grandparents are seeking custody. He doesn't care, willing to give it to them. Wonders how much more of a hassle this will become.

Basically that was the whole post. And yet somehow you turned it into something completely off topic and has zero to do with anything. But okay. =)

[Dogmatique]

I feel sad for all the hate in your life. Truly.

That's a very...sad way to live. So much hatred. It's not healthy.

The bottom line is that this isn't your legal matter, and unless your dear darling fiance can get off his backside and ask his own questions (he needs an attorney quite frankly - there's a BIG hint for you), nobody can really help.

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Or maybe he's not as willing to give up his child as you seem to think?

Hmmm. Another lie, perhaps? You're being played once more?