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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Dallas, Georgia, United States
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    1

    Default 16-Year-Old Wants to Refuse Visitation With the Non-Custodial Parent

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Georgia.

    I have 16 year old and we are having issues with her CP not encouraging her to visit during court appointed times with the NCP. Here enlies our issues, child has only visited 4 times since February 4, 2012. (that was the last overnight visitation as well) CP refuses to meet with NCP and step parents (both sides are remarried and engaged). Says that NCP needs to advise CP of said concerns before agrees to meet with other parents involved. CP has manipulated the situation since the day the NCP advised that a divorce was immenint. Now the child is advising NCP (and in a matter of fact way, won't pick up and call) through text that we should be lucky she even speaks to us because "the attorney" (we have no idea who or what this came from) said she didn't have to see us. Now, here is summer time, and NCP is to pick up the child from school and return her the following Friday through the summer since this is what the modification decree states. The parents are to rotate weeks until school is back in session. We aren't unreasonable. We understand she is a teenager and has a busy social life, but we are tired of being discounted and not even given the option to have a family, even if it is just every other weekend. Our 16 year old has been given and spoon fed, that a relationship with her NCP is optional. Now that she is 16 and driving, her friends get dropped off lunch before she would even pick up the phone to call and see how her biological sibling is doing.

    I know it isn't the right thing and of course we won't...but I wonder how long it would take for her CP to call an attorney if they stopped seeing a child support check each month. I digress...So my question is this...if we pay atLEAST 3k out to fight for what we feel like is an "interference in parenting and poisoning of the childs mind" contempt action, will a judge seriously let a 16 year old dictate whether she wants to see her NCP? What if they were still married, this wouldn't be the option, obviously! Anyone had any personal experience about what it was like in your own home after a "hostile" teenager is made to come and see you when she would rather be out riding around with her newly licensed friends and participating in other "all teenagers do it" activites? Her CP approves of these things because "she is a good kid." Agree, she is good academically, but she is still a teenager. And with a parent who after 10 year still refuses to even acknowledge the other exists, it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a conversation. Unfortunately, the divorce papers say the CP has the final decision on all things, but when it comes to the visitation of the NCP, does the CP have the obligation to enforce the NCP's visitation. (Sorry, kiddo, that is your parent and you are going to visit them this weekend.) Or are we better off to pay the c/s, and not attemt to take this action back to court. 24 more months and i'll probably be disrespected the same if I pay to do what I feel is "THE RIGHT THING"! I love my daughter, my baby girl loves her sister, but how much more are we suppose to endure? Morally, I want to fight, but realistically, what are my chances? Better served to save the money for when my 20 yr old daughter decides to come back around and take her on vacation for some quality time?

    thanks for chiming in,

    HURT, ANGRY, AGGREVATED and LOST

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    OH10
    Posts
    15,329

    Default Re: 16 Year Old Saying She Doesn't Have to See Her Ncp Because She Doesn't Want to Do

    Your recourse is for NCP to take CP back to court for contempt.
    Teach a man to fish, you feed a village. Give a man a fish, the ever growing village demands free fish. We will now spend trillions on social services and SSI for people who don't know how to fish.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    424

    Default Re: 16-Year-Old Wants to Refuse Visitation With the Non-Custodial Parent

    The step-parents need to stay out of it. CP is correct in only wanting to deal with the NCP.

    Has NCP attempted to pick up his daughter for each and every visitation per the court order? If he has not just because CP or daughter said that she didn't want to go, then he just agreed to their wishes. He MUST show up as scheduled.

    Yes, a judge is likely to take a 16 year old's opinion into account but it will not be the deciding factor and it is doubtful that he will say she never has to visit.

    Daughter is only subject to the court order for less than two years. If NCP turns this into a hostile court battle, it may permanently destroy his relationship with his daughter.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    27,752

    Default Re: 16-Year-Old Wants to Refuse Visitation With the Non-Custodial Parent

    Quote Quoting PQN
    View Post
    The step-parents need to stay out of it. CP is correct in only wanting to deal with the NCP.

    Has NCP attempted to pick up his daughter for each and every visitation per the court order? If he has not just because CP or daughter said that she didn't want to go, then he just agreed to their wishes. He MUST show up as scheduled.

    Yes, a judge is likely to take a 16 year old's opinion into account but it will not be the deciding factor and it is doubtful that he will say she never has to visit.

    Daughter is only subject to the court order for less than two years. If NCP turns this into a hostile court battle, it may permanently destroy his relationship with his daughter.

    Agreed 100%.

    While legally the CP does have a legal obligation to facilitate and encourage visitation, and 16 year olds shouldn't be given the option of making decisions like this, the reality is that forcing the issue on an older teen can indeed backfire permanently.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  5. #5

    Default Re: 16-Year-Old Wants to Refuse Visitation With the Non-Custodial Parent

    Quote Quoting cantwaittilsheis20
    View Post
    I know it isn't the right thing and of course we won't...but I wonder how long it would take for her CP to call an attorney if they stopped seeing a child support check each month.
    Yeah. Not a good idea. Best way to get the judge royally irked. There IS a right way to go about it....

    I digress...So my question is this...if we pay atLEAST 3k out to fight for what we feel like is an "interference in parenting and poisoning of the childs mind" contempt action, will a judge seriously let a 16 year old dictate whether she wants to see her NCP?
    No. Judges don't let anyone of ANY age dictate anything. The minor CHILD can indicate her preference to the court, but judges are really good at explaining that as long as a minor is a minor, that the parents have legal RIGHTS regarding their children, and if some combination of the child's and CP's actions or lack thereof are violating the court's ORDER for visitation, nasty things can happen - such as the CP getting some time to think about it in jail, or even the court ordering that the CP not BE the CP anymore if they've shown blatant disregard for the court's order and a lack of willingness to foster positive parent/child with the NCP. That's often the way that NCPs become the CP. But the CHILD in the situation has NO business knowing that. This whole thing is between the PARENTS.

    What if they were still married, this wouldn't be the option, obviously! Anyone had any personal experience about what it was like in your own home after a "hostile" teenager is made to come and see you when she would rather be out riding around with her newly licensed friends and participating in other "all teenagers do it" activites?
    As with all things with teenagers, anything other than EXACTLY what they want is likely to meet with resistance. Sometimes a little "sugar" applied skillfully can be enough "lure". Depending on distances and financial constraints, maybe something like a slumber party with friends at NCP's house (pizza, music, PlayStation, and late night giggling never go out of style) or going to the beach and bringing a girlfriend or two along (or even a good concert?) may perk the teen's interest. Of course one can always approach it via the courts, but that gets expensive, mentally and emotionally draining, and doesn't have the benefit of "bridge building" with the teen in question. Note that I'm NOT advocating the common tactic of "I'll let you do everything the other parent won't", but certainly some creative invitations that INCLUDE friends could be a good ice breaker and a couple of positive experiences might soften hearts and engrain you more than having the police stand by while you "take" the child for visitation. (And as a plus, if the friends have a good time, their comments have more influence over your child than the other parent or the courts put together ever will).


    Her CP approves of these things because "she is a good kid." Agree, she is good academically, but she is still a teenager. And with a parent who after 10 year still refuses to even acknowledge the other exists, it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a conversation. Unfortunately, the divorce papers say the CP has the final decision on all things, but when it comes to the visitation of the NCP, does the CP have the obligation to enforce the NCP's visitation. (Sorry, kiddo, that is your parent and you are going to visit them this weekend.)
    CP actually has an OBLIGATION to both you AND the child to foster such a relationship. The court's order for you to HAVE visitation means just that, and the court expects mom to have instilled the child with that understanding. It's unfortunate that it's been allowed to fester this long, and that the child now has the idea that this is "status quo".


    Or are we better off to pay the c/s,
    Not paying the child support will do nothing but HURT you in the courtroom. Support and visitation issues are completely separate as far as the court is concerned, and the court will expect that visitation issues will be addressed either directly between the parents (which obviously isn't working) or with the courts, not via self-service which includes violation of a court order of your own (judge isn't going to want to hear your complaint about mom violation a court order when you're violating one too by not paying support - judge'll toss you both out).


    and not attemt to take this action back to court.
    You can certainly do so. Unless the matter is brought before the court, the court won't know that mom isn't obeying either the spirit or letter of the order, and the court can't take any action or make any threat to mom to get her to comply. On the cost issue, since you are having to go back to court due to mom's unwillingness to obey the court's order, you can always ask the court to order MOM to pay any legal fees or expenses incurred in getting the case before the court. At the same time you can try some creative approaches to find activities that you and daughter may enjoy together (or that she can enjoy and you can at least tolerate), with the ability to sweeten the pot and invite a friend or two along. Of course at 16 she's not stupid, and she may cringe at the idea of you trying to "buy" her time or affection, but there's nothing to prevent you from "winning" tickets to a concert, or Six Flags, or whatever, and inviting her along - see where I'm coming from? (Winning tickets also give you the ability to put a cap on the number of friends to be invited, since that's how many tickets you 'have'.)

    Morally, I want to fight, but realistically, what are my chances?
    Legally, you are entitled to the visitation that the court ordered - for the benefit of you AND the child (courts DO understand that teenagers generally don't know what's in their own best interests).


    Better served to save the money for when my 20 yr old daughter decides to come back around and take her on vacation for some quality time?
    Your best chances for success probably rest with official action regarding mom in court and a little unofficial action between you and daughter. Even if the court ruled 100% in your favor tomorrow, ordered mom to pay your legal expenses and awarded you 30 extra days of visitation, it's really all for naught if daughter is going to be miserable, not speak a word to you, give you the standard teen speech about how not being with her friends for the weekend has totally and forever ruined her entire life, etc. At her age, her group of friends represents her primary relationship (which would be true even if you are mom were happily married and living together with the child). So the way to build an "in" that's most likely to pique her interest will include them, somehow. Get creative...off the wall even. You've been out of the picture for a while, and the bonds aren't great between you. A little "wow" factor can go a long way.
    Catherine NeSmith
    Executive Director
    AARDVARC.org, Inc.
    http://www.aardvarc.org

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