Non-Custodial Parent Giving His Parents Permission to Take Child to Counselor

[LawResearcherMissy]

Yes, Selany, you and Doggie are correct, and your succinct explanation of How Things Really Work is very much appreciated. We have lots of lurkers who never participate, but need correct information regardless.

[baronlame]

Well I do appreciate all of the posts. The situation is so complicated in every way. He is using the definition of "parent" under some "34 C.F.R. § 300.30:" to give his mother access to things she should just not have a right to in my opinion. Not in the mental state she is in right now. My oldest son who is 18 and is immune from all of this now, says she acts "crazy" when she is off of her meds, but because I am not a nasty person I am not going to drag him into this and get him to tell anybody that. My daughter told me the same thing, but because these people intimidate her and dangle rewards in front of her she will not tell anybody except me. But, I firmly believe that her behavior and that family telling my daughter to lie to me for two years (and that is all I know of at this point) is affecting her behaviors. She went from a confident, self-loving girl to a sullen person with no self-esteem and on Zoloft. I would think that the definition of "parent" should only be allowed to be used in these situations if the person has actually acted like a parent according to what most of us believe a parent to be. To me this would be visiting, calling, being interested in her medical and educational information all along and in the end providing some financial support would have been nice (even though I never pushed it). Instead of setting up medical appointments using his rights as a "parent" for his mother to go to, I would think a parent would actually attend, especially two years worth! When I set up her appointments I go, I do not send my mom in. Another thing I have found out is that he is going to use his rights as a parent to try and force me to pay for private school. He says he is taking me to court (using his parents assets to pay) to get joint legal. I would hope to God that a judge would see he has not full-filled his obligations as a parent in any way and not change a 12 year old order. If a person cannot see that he only wants to be awarded these legal rights to be able to abuse them, I will lose all faith in the justice system. If he can do all of this and get away with it, without having the legal rights he is after, I can only imagine the damage that would occur if he is granted that custody. We cannot afford a lawyer if this has to go to court. Just getting advice is going to cost $250 an hour. We are just over the income guidelines for legal aid. Thanks again, everyone.

[LawResearcherMissy]

He is using the definition of "parent" under some "34 C.F.R. § 300.30:" to give his mother access to things she should just not have a right to in my opinion.

Your opinion is correct. Also, your ex is an idiot. You can read 34 C.F.R. § 300.30 for yourself, and see that it absolutely does not apply. I assume he thinks this lets him use this definition:

(4) An individual acting in the place of a biological or adoptive parent (including a grandparent, stepparent, or other relative) with whom the child lives, or an individual who is legally responsible for the child's welfare

Your daughter not only does not live with her grandparents, they are not legally responsible for her in any sense of the word. Dad consenting to allow them to take her to counseling does not in any fashion confer any legal rights on them - and Dad had no legal authority to consent, in any case. As Doggie has already told you, you need to march yourself on over to the therapist, show her that you are the child's sole legal custodian, and terminate the therapy relationship. You don't need a new court order for that - just take your current custody order, and let her know that if she continues to see your child behind your back, you'll be filing a complaint with your state's licensing board, and will sue her into the Stone Ages.

Another thing I have found out is that he is going to use his rights as a parent to try and force me to pay for private school.

Let him try. Doesn't mean the judge is going to make you do it. (The judge is more likely to tell you ex to get a grip, and tell him if he wants kiddo in private school so badly, he can foot the bill.)

He says he is taking me to court (using his parents assets to pay) to get joint legal.

Let him. Sue and prevail are two entirely different beasties. He can sue. And the judge can say NO.

[baronlame]

Your opinion is correct. Also, your ex is an idiot. You can read 34 C.F.R. § 300.30 for yourself, and see that it absolutely does not apply. I assume he thinks this lets him use this definition:



Your daughter not only does not live with her grandparents, they are not legally responsible for her in any sense of the word. Dad consenting to allow them to take her to counseling does not in any fashion confer any legal rights on them - and Dad had no legal authority to consent, in any case. As Doggie has already told you, you need to march yourself on over to the therapist, show her that you are the child's sole legal custodian, and terminate the therapy relationship. You don't need a new court order for that - just take your current custody order, and let her know that if she continues to see your child behind your back, you'll be filing a complaint with your state's licensing board, and will sue her into the Stone Ages.



Let him try. Doesn't mean the judge is going to make you do it. (The judge is more likely to tell you ex to get a grip, and tell him if he wants kiddo in private school so badly, he can foot the bill.)



Let him. Sue and prevail are two entirely different beasties. He can sue. And the judge can say NO.

Well thank you. It makes me breathe a little easier to know that at least a few people think that I should not be annoyed. I did go to the counselor with the order and tell her to stop. I said I want records of whatever she can legally give me, that I wanted to know who has and how many times they sat in on the counseling sessions. What she did tell me is that "dad" came to do the initial paperwork and she said she does not remember seeing him since, so that right there should show he is irresponsible. I have not heard back yet. If I do not hear anything back by the end of the day, I will be back over there tomorrow. As far as preventing his mother from going to the school, I made a general inquiry with the state school board and they threw that read 34 C.F.R. § 300.30 at me. They said since he fits the definition of "parent" he can bring whomever he wants and let anybody he wants access her records. So it would be my guess he heard that somewhere and is using that to get away with all of this. A paralegal in the family said she did not know for sure and it could be a long-shot, but that I might be able to get him for contempt for not telling me about or not getting any say-so in the matter. She indicated it could be a violation of "Minn. Stat. § 518.17, subd. (3): "Each party has right of access to, and to receive copies of, school, medical, dental, religious training, and other important records and information about the minor children." They deprived me of that for two years. I am not holding out hope for it because I have access now, but it would show him I mean not putting up with their intimidation anymore. If I denied him visits for two years I could get contempt charges.