Access to a Child Outside of Scheduled Visitation

[uncle-trying-to-help]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Texas

So, I'm the maternal Uncle in this situation. My wife's sister married a guy after getting pregnant some 14 years ago. Since then he has been arrested and convicted of possession of an illegal substance, unlawfully carrying a weapon, and more recently (4 years ago) was convicted (Felony) of dealing cocaine & marijuana, at which time they divorced and she became the sole custodial parent. Over the past couple of years things have gotten progressively worse with him. He has been harassing me & my wife, her parents, my sister-in-law, the school she works for (including the principal, her co-workers, and even a call to the superintendents office). I filed harassment charges after he wanted to "meet me alone so he could give me some advice". He uses his son, almost 14 now, as a gateway to get even with my family and sister-in-law. Recently my sister-in-law took him BACK to court to try to get his visitation revoked because he's been verbally abusing the 14 year old when he doesn't call back in time and is causing issues with his schooling. The poor kid is on several different drugs to deal with ADD/ADHD and other issues, which I'm sure are a result of this type of mental abuse. The outcome was less than stellar. The judge simply reduced his visitation, but it's still un-supervised, which I think is a major mistake. Apparently his criminal history, harassment charges, evidence of incessant calling to us/school/etc, the lies, didn't matter.

Since the judgement, my father-in-law has positioned himself as the ONLY means of communication between the felon and anyone else in the family. It can only be done via email, and it can only be about the kids and the visitation...everything else will be ignored. Obviously that doesn't set well with the felon, so he's been calling/emailing/texting everyone (except me because of the harassment charges still out there). Today he called the school and told them he was coming for lunch and "The Principal better not come in there while he's there and better not make eye contact". I suggested this needs to be relayed to the police, but my sister-in-law said they can't do anything because he's a parent.

The first question I have is, as a non-custodial parent, with a set visitation schedule, court-ordered, do you have legal access to the children outside of your visitation like this???? By the way, it's the same school my sister-in-law works at, which is *REALLY* why he wants to go have lunch...he has ZERO regard for his childrens' well being.

Notes: He's $7,000 behind in child support. He's tested positive twice during his probation and gotten merely a slap on the wrist and he's living outside of his probational boundaries, but we can't prove it because he's a con-man. We know where he lives, just can't provide documentation. He's still using my sister-in-law's address.

More Notes: He's recently been sued by another ex (g/f not wife) for fiscal issues and is currently being sued by a 3rd woman for basically stealing a car (by taking her money). The first one I was able to find out recently had an affair with him from 2002-2010 (after his conviction). VERY similar behavioral trends in both other women, harassing, lying, stealing, drug use, etc. The first woman had an abortion in 2003 with his child...he paid for half of it. He was married the whole time to my sister-in-law. The web of lies runs very deep.

Thanks for listening! Sorry for the rant....we are just at a complete loss....in the process of my sister-in-law getting new representation too, btw.

[LawResearcherMissy]

The first question I have is, as a non-custodial parent, with a set visitation schedule, court-ordered, do you have legal access to the children outside of your visitation like this????

Yep, you sure do.

Notes: He's $7,000 behind in child support. He's tested positive twice during his probation and gotten merely a slap on the wrist and he's living outside of his probational boundaries, but we can't prove it because he's a con-man. We know where he lives, just can't provide documentation. He's still using my sister-in-law's address.

More Notes: He's recently been sued by another ex (g/f not wife) for fiscal issues and is currently being sued by a 3rd woman for basically stealing a car (by taking her money). The first one I was able to find out recently had an affair with him from 2002-2010 (after his conviction). VERY similar behavioral trends in both other women, harassing, lying, stealing, drug use, etc. The first woman had an abortion in 2003 with his child...he paid for half of it. He was married the whole time to my sister-in-law. The web of lies runs very deep.

None of this is relevant to the visitation issue.

[uncle-trying-to-help]

Thanks for the quick reply! Some follow-up questions, and I'm not questioning you, just don't have the knowledge:

1) What good is a visitation schedule if he can see the kids whenever he wants?
2) Doesn't any of this play in to the character and impression he leaves on his children? Bottom line, he's not a good role model, abuses them mentally, uses his kids, and doesn't provide any support for them. The kid is afraid NOT to take his calls because he's afraid his dad will throw a temper tantrum and take it out on him. I guess the burden is on them proving this abuse? If so, what types of things are admissable as evidence? 14 year old's testimony, recorded phone calls, recorded live conversations?
3) At what point, in Texas, can a child decide not to go for visitation to a non-custodial parent?

Thanks again!

[LawResearcherMissy]

1) What good is a visitation schedule if he can see the kids whenever he wants?

School is essentially a public place, and absent a court order to the contrary, BOTH parents legally have access to their children during school functions. That includes lunch, pep assemblies, concerts, sports, etc.

2) Doesn't any of this play in to the character and impression he leaves on his children?

No. The court's position is that Mom WILLINGLY made babies with him, so if she doesn't think he's suitable now, that's too bad, she should have thought about that before she collaborated in the baby-making process. Harsh? Yep. Does the court care? Nope. The children have a legal right to have both parents in their lives, regardless of what each parent wants. Shorter court position: It's not about you, it's about the rights of the kids, so suck it up, buttercup.

It doesn't matter that he's behind on his support, Mom may not withhold visitation, lest she be found in contempt of court. Similarly, the fact that he's been sued is completely irrelevant. Girlfriend had an abortion? So what? It's no one's damned business but her own. Tell Mom to stop reaching, it's only going to make her look vindictive and foolish.

3) At what point, in Texas, can a child decide not to go for visitation to a non-custodial parent?

When he's 18.

[uncle-trying-to-help]

hanks Missy...excellent responses. The only comment that I'll make (and this is my opinion) is that she's not reaching .... basically the guy is a class A A-hole who has been living multiple double/triple lives. He has an extensive criminal and civil record and I have recently (in the last 2 weeks) un-covered 2 more women who have been impacted by his past. He's a druggy, a felon, and a dead beat dad. The problem is, he's a con-man and knows exactly how to skirt the system. I'm trying to help my sister-in-law find ways to do that because his influence is taking hold on their 14 yr old. He's failing 2 classes, he has very little respect for people, he's in general, not headed in the right direction. His grandfather and I have attempted (and are still attempting) to be positive influences, but the felon a-hole lies profusely to position himself as the victim...then torments the kid if he gives any allegiance to us.

The bottom line, this guy is unfit to be a parent, fiscally or from an influence perspective. I thought the courts might care about that, given his past record(s), but apparently the system is built for the criminal, not the law-abiders. It's very disheartening....

Sorry to rant, and again, I do appreciate your responses....I'm coming to realize they are reality.

[uncle-trying-to-help]

For what it's worth, this week alone, here's what the dead-beat did. He intentionally opened his car door in to my sister-in-law's, then drove off before the cops showed up. He slashed her tire the next night, so I got to change that tire. Both of those incidents involved police reports, fyi...but I'm sure nothing will happen, as is usual. He called the phone company and changed her settings on her cell phone, including un-blocking his number from his ex-wife's & son's phones. Then he proceeded to leave 2 ranting vm's on his son's phone, telling his son that if he didn't want him to be his dad any more he'd go to court and make it official. This was after calling 2 of his son's friends and ranting to them first. The dude is un-stoppable....

[Dogmatique]

For what it's worth, this week alone, here's what the dead-beat did. He intentionally opened his car door in to my sister-in-law's, then drove off before the cops showed up. He slashed her tire the next night, so I got to change that tire. Both of those incidents involved police reports, fyi...but I'm sure nothing will happen, as is usual. He called the phone company and changed her settings on her cell phone, including un-blocking his number from his ex-wife's & son's phones. Then he proceeded to leave 2 ranting vm's on his son's phone, telling his son that if he didn't want him to be his dad any more he'd go to court and make it official. This was after calling 2 of his son's friends and ranting to them first. The dude is un-stoppable....

The bottom line is, Mom picked him - and until something drastic happens, they'll trust her...choice.

I'm going to be honest though (and not just because I've dealt with a very similar situation). Your interference (and I'm using that in the purest of definitions, not as a criticism) may be doing nothing but aggravating the situation.

I understand how you feel about him. But that doesn't matter. You are, legally, nothing here. Unfortunately, your influence can still carry some weight with how the kids view both parents, and if Dad can make a case that Mom is allowing you to alienate the kids from Dad (and believe me, even if you swear upside down and backwards that you've never said a bad thing about Dad in front of the kids, if it went to court the judge just isn't going to buy it) Mom can actually lose the kids. I know you have the best of intentions but you've really got to step back a little.

Your SIL is a big girl. This is her mess. She needs to fix it. Because third party over-involvement is one of the fastest ways to get a custody order changed.

(And please understand, I'm a stepparent - I know of what I speak )