Son Lives with Me, Mother Wants Him Back

[jeffjustin]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

I have a 6 year old son who has lived with me for the past 1.5 years. Before that I would get him every other weekend. He does not have my last name and I am not on the birth certificate. His mother is unemployed and has a hard time taking care of herself and her current 2 year child. She very rarely sees her son and always says it is my fault because I have him in too many activities but when she gets him she usually drops him off at her parents house anyway. I have full support from her parents in this issue. I pay for EVERYTHING for my son. He goes to private school, camp, etc. I DO NOT take 1 penny from her and as a matter of fact give her money once in a while to help her with her current son/situation.

Every time she gets mad at me, she threatens that she is taking my/our son back. These are usually idle threats but I can no longer live like this worrying she could actually take him.

Now that he has been living with me for the past 1.5 years, can she really just take him back? What should I do? She is scamming the state saying that he lives with her and getting money. I know she doesnt want that to end. Also him living with me is not court ordered. We have never gone to court. Please help a good dad with some advice.

Thanks,
Jeff

[Dogmatique]

Has paternity been established?

If not, she can literally demand her child back at any time. Literally.

Why haven't you filed to establish paternity with the courts? Then you could at least file for custody based on status quo - and you'd be the legal father. At the moment it seems there's a good chance that you're not the legal father and you are basically looking after someone else's child. She would be the only legal parent.

[jeffjustin]

I have not established paternity because I know that he is mine due to physical characteristics and was dealing with the mothers bull because I did not want to rock the boat at the time.

[Dogmatique]

You absolutely cannot rely upon physical characteristics. Please, if nothing else, read these forums!

Get the DNA paternity test done, and establish paternity if the child is yours. Then file for custody based upon him living with you for so long.

[Chede]

You can find actual paternity / DNA kits on line to order. I do not believe that those results would stand up in court BUT if you can afford to give "mom" money for her other 2 year old son that isn't yours, you may want to pay for these simple swab tests.. maybe $100? Just to find out for sure if your son is biologically yours. Then if the DNA test comes back positive, you can be confident in establishing paternity in the court system. This happened with a friend of mine. He wanted to know first if the child actually was his before pursuing anything further within the courts.

[Neal1421]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

I have a 6 year old son who has lived with me for the past 1.5 years. Before that I would get him every other weekend. He does not have my last name and I am not on the birth certificate. His mother is unemployed and has a hard time taking care of herself and her current 2 year child. She very rarely sees her son and always says it is my fault because I have him in too many activities but when she gets him she usually drops him off at her parents house anyway. I have full support from her parents in this issue. I pay for EVERYTHING for my son. He goes to private school, camp, etc. I DO NOT take 1 penny from her and as a matter of fact give her money once in a while to help her with her current son/situation.

Every time she gets mad at me, she threatens that she is taking my/our son back. These are usually idle threats but I can no longer live like this worrying she could actually take him.

Now that he has been living with me for the past 1.5 years, can she really just take him back? What should I do? She is scamming the state saying that he lives with her and getting money. I know she doesnt want that to end. Also him living with me is not court ordered. We have never gone to court. Please help a good dad with some advice.

Thanks,
Jeff

I just wanted to address the bolded section. It would be in your best interest to establish paternity and custody because as long as she is 'scamming the state' there is a high possibility that you will end up owing the state for the money they have given to her. Establish paternity and file for custody as soon as possible.

[abmez80]

I'm just chiming in to the original poster because I've been in a similar situation. My son lived with me primarily for many years and his mother rarely visited with him (we had no official custody paperwork). For a while, I didn't even know where she lived. She eventually made a reappearance and she's been trying to get 50/50 physical custody. We recently had a hearing where the judge determined that living with me primarily is in the best interest of my son. From what my lawyer has told me, and from what I've read here, judges do tend to favor the status quo.

I agree that you need to establish paternity and get custody papers filed, though. Without those things on your side, you have little chance of preventing her from taking the child at any time she decides to do so.