How to Contest Custody Pro Se, While Unemployed

[ForMyChildren]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: South Carolina
I have 2 children a 6 year old son and 1 year old daughter. I haven't been with my sons father since he was a baby and we were never married. My daughters father and I have been together 3 years and woll be married soon. My sons father is currently seeking sole custody under the grounds that he is now married (only 7 months) and is more stable than I am. My son was living with his father just for the current school term which began August of 2011-May 2012, I did however notify him that I had moved closer and would begin taking him to and from school. That was in February, he stalled me so that he could get an attorney to fight for full custody. I was served the evening of my last day of work. He hasn't supported my son financially his entire life. I have covered his medical expenses, clothing, shoes, recreation, birthdays etc. In spite of his lack of support I never denied him the right to see his son and be a part of his life when he wanted to. In March my fiance and I decided for the kids sake and to avoid the exorbitant cost for childcare for my daughter, that I should be a stay at home mom and full time student(online courses). I now have ample time to spend with my kids. He now pays all the bills. I do babysit and that's going to bring in $300/mo and with my financial aid return that's another $4000 after tuition is deducted so I'll say that's roughly another $300/mo. So thats $600/mo for food, clothing,etc. I budget and bargain shop so that's definitely going to go along way. My dilemma is whether or not a court will see it that way and allow him to remain with his father, deeming me financially unequipped.... My son and others have informed me that there are 6 other kids living at his house,my son shares a room with 2 of the boys and shares a bed with one. His father has also complained about my sons behavior, but I never had a problem with him so i'm led to believe he's acting out because hes not getting the individual care and attention he needs. I have a 2 bedroom apt so my son would have his own room, my daughter still sleeps in the room with me. Any help or advice is greatly appreciated

[aardvarc]

My sons father is currently seeking sole custody under the grounds that he is now married (only 7 months) and is more stable than I am.

That's generally not enough to do it - unless the stability issue is one where your lack of stability is having some observable adverse impact on the child.

My son was living with his father just for the current school term which began August of 2011-May 2012,

THAT is where he's going to have grounds to seek custody. If you allowed the child to live with him for almost an entire year, and the child is doing ok, yep, he's got an excellent chance of getting custody.

I did however notify him that I had moved closer and would begin taking him to and from school. That was in February, he stalled me so that he could get an attorney to fight for full custody.

Exactly the strategy that an attorney would recommend to him.

I was served the evening of my last day of work. He hasn't supported my son financially his entire life.

Is there a child support order in place that is not being followed? If there is, what have you done to have the order enforced? If there isn't, then the court won't even consider this as a factor.

I have covered his medical expenses, clothing, shoes, recreation, birthdays etc. In spite of his lack of support I never denied him the right to see his son and be a part of his life when he wanted to.

Is there a visitation order currently in place?

In March my fiance and I decided for the kids sake and to avoid the exorbitant cost for childcare for my daughter, that I should be a stay at home mom and full time student(online courses).

Problem is that the 6 year old has been living with dad, and although you may have made changes to make yourself more available in the future, that's not what the court looks at. The court looks at what the last 6 months to a year of the child's life looks like, and it looks like the child has been living with dad. That's going to be a huge factor in his favor. The courts are incredibly reluctant to keep switching a child from one parent to another, and they especially resist the argument of "well I've been using that time to get things ready". The court is MORE concerned with keeping the child's tomorrow as similar to the child's yesterday as possible.

I now have ample time to spend with my kids.

There's no other way to say it than to say "now, is probably too late".

He now pays all the bills. I do babysit and that's going to bring in $300/mo and with my financial aid return that's another $4000 after tuition is deducted so I'll say that's roughly another $300/mo. So thats $600/mo for food, clothing,etc. I budget and bargain shop so that's definitely going to go along way. My dilemma is whether or not a court will see it that way and allow him to remain with his father, deeming me financially unequipped....

The finances actually have little to do with the issue, whether you are scraping pennies each month, or shoveling gold coins into a safe. What the court cares about is: who got the child up this morning, got them dressed, gave them their breakfast? Who picked them up from school? Who regulates what they watch on TV, or makes sure they aren't drinking cola all day, or that they eat supper at night? THAT is the parent who the court presumes should BE or REMAIN the custodial parent. If dad has been that person for the last 9 months, the court is going to need some major reason to change that - and the reason needs to be one that shows that there is some problem for the CHILD that would be solved by making the change. That you are now in a position to be the parent that dad has been for the last 9 months won't do it.

My son and others have informed me that there are 6 other kids living at his house,my son shares a room with 2 of the boys and shares a bed with one.

In and of itself not an issue.

His father has also complained about my sons behavior, but I never had a problem with him so i'm led to believe he's acting out because hes not getting the individual care and attention he needs.

The court won't care what you believe. What can you PROVE? Are there reports on his behavior coming home from school? Is there some documentation you can present to the court that would make the court feel that this is anything other than a 6 year old being a 6 year old? The burden will be on you to PROVE issues to the court - and if dad is bringing an attorney to the table to fight on his behalf, you're going to need more than grasping at straws and beliefs - you're going to need DOCUMENTATION of specific problems from persons in fields qualified to provide various forms of documentation to the court. Bottom line is that you too need an attorney, else I have to brace you for the very real probability that dad will gain custody.

I have a 2 bedroom apt so my son would have his own room, my daughter still sleeps in the room with me.

Don't know why parents seem to fixate on children getting their own rooms...but it's more an issue for the parents than it is for the courts. Having a separate room is more often an issue for child protective services when evaluating cases - they set the bar a little higher - but this isn't a CPS case, so it's really not going to bother the court that the child doesn't have their own room. Statistically most DON'T, at least not until older.

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated

You need an attorney. Dad has LOTS of things going for him, and you are going to be fighting an uphill battle based on the child living with dad for the last 9 months (more by the time the court gets into the matter). Forget the angle of what you can provide for the child now. The court won't care - parenting isn't a contest of which parent can provide what. So long as a parent can provide the bare minimum, being food, clothing, basic shelter, clean water, and the bottom line basics, that parent is going to have status quo on their side, and it'll be the burden of the other parent (you) to convince the court, with evidence, that it's in the best interest of the child to completely uproot them from the life they've been living, and replace it with a completely different one. That's NOT an easy task, and without an attorney, you are likely to get run right off the tracks by dad's attorney in court.

[ForMyChildren]

Thank you. No there was no court ordered visitation and custody in place. I've always had a good paying job so rather than involve the courts I took care of things, I guess now that's ultimately my downfall. The underlying issue is that I know this is a money move for him, not my sons best interest. He stated to me that due to the other children my son will have to learn to go without. When I would pick up my son his overall appearance was unkempt so I would buy his clothing, he then complains because my son is showing off. That is why it was temporary, I know he's not being abused but he's going to be neglected in other ways. He is doing this to avoid child support and having to go out of his way to get my son...Ultimately 'its cheaper to keep him'. Getting an attorney is going to help him in the long run especially if he doesn't have to pay. I know it seems hopeless but given his dads history I know what this is about....but a judge is only going to look at the last 6-12 months,so all of my work and support as a mother from his birth to now means nothing? Also we only live about 20 minutes apart so I see my son on a regular basis, call him on the nights I don't see him, I have him on the weekends and holidays/school holidays, birthdays,etc, i'm still very involved so I don't believe it would be a total uprooting, ..I just know that i'm the one that truly has the best for him at heart and his dad wants it easy, but how to get a judge to see him for what he truly is because right now, he's the best in the world....

[Dogmatique]

I don't mean to be harsh here, but here's how a judge will see it (in very black and white terms):

Dad isn't that bad, otherwise you wouldn't have left your child with him. The child is settled. Nothing has changed in what, almost a year? Why should custody be changed?

I also wouldn't, if I were you, start on the "he's only doing it for the money" angle. They've heard it a million times and know that realistically, having a child full time in the house is far more expensive than most child support payments cover.

I agree with aardvaarc's post completely - you're in for an uphill battle here.

[ForMyChildren]

Hmm ok this gives me alot to think about...and if he does get custody I've heard that that is even harder to overturn and I'll feel like a terrible mother for letting him go from the start... I appreciate the realistic advice very much, thanks again

[Dogmatique]

Thank YOU for taking that so graciously - I know it's hard to hear, and it's not what you wanted to hear, but you took it very well.


Good for you, Mom

And you're not a terrible Mom for letting him go to begin with. You did what you thought was right at the time - that doesn't make you a bad Mom. Go easy on yourself.