How to Establish Paternity After Mother Marries and her Husband is Named as Father

[imthedaddy]

My question involves paternity law for the State of: OH (possibly MA)

Will try to be consise, but it's a complicated one. It involves paternity testing, child support, legals rights... man, it's a beast! Also, sorry about the thread title. I have no idea how to sum all this up in 85 characters or less. If a mod or admin would like to edit it, feel free!

Here are the order of events in as little detail as possible:

• I slept with a girl who was sleeping with someone else.
• She got pregnant and was not sure who the father was. All parties were aware of this.
• Several months into pregnancy, she got married to other guy.
• When baby was born, mother told me they had paternity test done and that the other guy was the dad.
• I believed it like an idiot and moved on (you don't get a paternity test back in a few hours).
• 1 1/2 years later, mother contacts me and tells me that she lied about the test, that we still didn't know who the dad was
• When the child was 3 years old, we got the test done and it turns out that I was the paternal father, but we never got the birth certificate changed over so that she had my last name instead of the other guy's.
• I immediately started paying her $150 per month for child support.
• Mother was still telling my daughter that the other guy was also his dad and still taking her over there to spend nights with him.
• After over a year of this, I finally snapped under all the stress and stopped talking to the mother and my daughter. Hambone move on my part, I know, but I am just being brutally honest here.
• After that, the mother moved to Cleveland (3-hour drive from her old home) and got married to someone else.
• Several years later, she moves to MA where she lives now.
• Through irrelevant means, I got back in contact with my daughter when she was 11 and have been in touch with her ever since through texts and emails
• I come to find out that, when her mother brings her down to Ohio for holidays and whatnot, that she's still giving the other guy time with her, sometimes multiple nights in a row when she could be with me.

Okay, so that's the story. Why the mother is doing this, I don't know. But things are about to get hairy here soon, I know it.

What I want if the world were perfect:

• Get my daughter's birth certificate changed so that she has my last name
• Start paying child support
• Some legal "retraining" order to prevent my daughter from being in the other guy's sole care, custody, and control
• The mother to move back to Ohio

The mother wants to get the birth certificate changed over, but I know that's just so she can collect child support from me through the court. I don't think she can do that now because the other guy is still technically the legal father, I believe. I know she doesn't care about the name change because she told me that the reason why she wants it is in case something happens to her, she didn't want my daughter to go to him. She makes no sense to me. FWIW, I am paying for my daughter to get braces, so that's at least something for the time being.

Anyway, are there any legal actions I could take to help bring everything back to normal? Couldn't it be declared psychologically damaging to my daughter all the things the mother is doing (eg, letting her think she has two dads, sharing her time with the two of us, etc)? What legal ammunition do I have at my disposal that I could use to my advantage?

On the flip side, what does the mother have that she could use against me?

In closing this, I am fully prepared to take ample flack for leaving her when she was 4, but, in all honesty, I couldn't take the stress anymore. I felt like I was just trying to win over someone else's child, as if she wasn't even my daughter. At any rate, fire away. I got my bull's eye shirt on for your convenience.

[jk]

If you or the "other" father never challenged paternity in court (and presuming the "other" father is listed as father on the BC and has signed an AOP), then he is the legal father and what the mother is doing is proper (accept allowing the time with you)

So, is there a father listed on the BC? Did the "other" father sign an AOP? Did anybody ever challenge paternity once you discovered you are the bio-father?

[imthedaddy]

If you or the "other" father never challenged paternity in court (and presuming the "other" father is listed as father on the BC and has signed an AOP), then he is the legal father and what the mother is doing is proper (accept allowing the time with you)

Do you mean "except" or "accept"? Are you saying it is or isn't proper for her to allow the time with me? You do realize that the mother lied about the paternity test, right? You read my post where I told how she said there was a paternity test that identifed the other guy as the paternal father, didn't you?

So, is there a father listed on the BC? Did the "other" father sign an AOP? Did anybody ever challenge paternity once you discovered you are the bio-father?

yes, he's on the birth certificate. What is AOP? No one challenged the paternity test after it was taken.

[jk]

Do you mean "except" or "accept"? Are you saying it is or isn't proper for her to allow the time with me? You do realize that the mother lied about the paternity test, right? You read my post where I told how she said there was a paternity test that identifed the other guy as the paternal father, didn't you?



yes, he's on the birth certificate. What is AOP? No one challenged the paternity test after it was taken.

except/ sorry about that.

You never answered my questions.

and yes, I read your entire post.

AOP affidavit of paternity. It is what must be filed for a man to accept (meant it this time) or acknowledge paternity if the mother is not married to him. Given she was married less than her gestation period, the man listed as the father should not have been put on the birth certificate unless he had signed one. Doesn't mean it didn't happen though.

If nobody challenged paternity, you are not the father (legally). The man listed on the BC is the father and has all legal rights and liabilities of a father.

You have no rights to do anything with the child. As far as the law/courts are concerned, you are nothing more than a stranger.

I know she doesn't care about the name change because she told me that the reason why she wants it is in case something happens to her, she didn't want my daughter to go to him.

unless the courts allow a change of who is listed as father, changing the name will do nothing. The other man is the legal father and if something happens to the mother, the child does go to the legal father.

I would have to do some research but there is a great chance you cannot alter paternity this late in the game. What state does the child live in and what state was she born in?

[Dogmatique]

• Get my daughter's birth certificate changed so that she has my last name - Unlikely. IF your paternity is established (and that's unlikely at this point), the best you would hope for is hyphenation
• Start paying child support - Not an issue...yet.
• Some legal "retraining" order to prevent my daughter from being in the other guy's sole care, custody, and control (This again assumes your paternity is established) Nope. Mom can allow visitation during HER parenting time with anyone she pleases - unless it will be detrimental to the child. Nothing you've said here would suggest that's the case.
• The mother to move back to Ohio Not a chance.

The mother wants to get the birth certificate changed over, but I know that's just so she can collect child support from me through the court. I don't think she can do that now because the other guy is still technically the legal father, I believe. I know she doesn't care about the name change because she told me that the reason why she wants it is in case something happens to her, she didn't want my daughter to go to him. She makes no sense to me. FWIW, I am paying for my daughter to get braces, so that's at least something for the time being.

That's a very generous gift you're giving to Mom. Alas legally, this isn't your daughter.

Anyway, are there any legal actions I could take to help bring everything back to normal? Couldn't it be declared psychologically damaging to my daughter all the things the mother is doing (eg, letting her think she has two dads, sharing her time with the two of us, etc)? What legal ammunition do I have at my disposal that I could use to my advantage?

On the flip side, what does the mother have that she could use against me?

That's the WORST angle to take - seriously. If you try to fling mud at Mom, your hands will be just as dirty - if not more so.

In closing this, I am fully prepared to take ample flack for leaving her when she was 4, but, in all honesty, I couldn't take the stress anymore. I felt like I was just trying to win over someone else's child, as if she wasn't even my daughter. At any rate, fire away. I got my bull's eye shirt on for your convenience.

She's NOT your daughter - legally. And you haven't been on the scene for what...7 years now? I think you have a slim-to-none chance of disestablishing Dad's paternity.

[imthedaddy]

unless the courts allow a change of who is listed as father, changing the name will do nothing. The other man is the legal father and if something happens to the mother, the child does go to the legal father.

I would have to do some research but there is a great chance you cannot alter paternity this late in the game. What state does the child live in and what state was she born in?

Born in Ohio, lives in Mass. So you're saying that, even though a paternity test has already established me as the father, it's just a piece of paper with genetic information? I have to sign an AOP in order to finalize paternity? What if the mother wants to have my daughter's BC fixed? If we attempt to do this, can the legal father step in and try to stop this from happening?

[Dogmatique]

It's not a court-ordered paternity test, and you cannot sign the AOP at this point.

Legal Dad is Dad, mom is obviously up to something (I'm surprised you can't see it ) and will likely remain so. After 11 years, it's just not going to happen.

[imthedaddy]

That's a very generous gift you're giving to Mom. Alas legally, this isn't your daughter.

I offered from the beginning. All the paperwork is in their name. I am just calling the dentist every month to make the payment on their behalf.

That's the WORST angle to take - seriously. If you try to fling mud at Mom, your hands will be just as dirty - if not more so.

I am not talking about flinging mud. I am talking about any legal advantages I may have that could work for me and against her in the event a huge court case were ever made of this by either side. That's not flinging mud.

It's not a court-ordered paternity test, and you cannot sign the AOP at this point.

Legal Dad is Dad, mom is obviously up to something (I'm surprised you can't see it ) and will likely remain so. After 11 years, it's just not going to happen.

I know she's up to something, I just don't know what. I know from various sources that she wants me to pay child support, but that's about the only thing I can see her being up to. Me pay child support while she stays in MA and collects while keeping two out of three of her children from her two dads. Married and living happily ever after.

[Dogmatique]

I offered from the beginning. All the paperwork is in their name. I am just calling the dentist every month to make the payment on their behalf.



I am not talking about flinging mud. I am talking about any legal advantages I may have that could work for me and against her in the event a huge court case were ever made of this by either side. That's not flinging mud.

Dude, come on - this is what you said:

Couldn't it be declared psychologically damaging to my daughter all the things the mother is doing (eg, letting her think she has two dads, sharing her time with the two of us, etc)? What legal ammunition do I have at my disposal that I could use to my advantage?

On the flip side, what does the mother have that she could use against me?

You're basically asking what can be used against Mom. You're looking for ammunition. Slinging mud, in other words. It's okay - we see it here on a virtually daily basis, to be honest. But it just rarely works in court, in no small part because judges expect parents to do that. So it just wastes time.

Legal Dad is not unfit, Mom's not unfit. So that basically leaves you back at square one.

Believe me (because my soon-to-be-ex son in law is in virtually the same position, but the child is younger), it's not that I don't sympathize. But really, I don't think you have a chance at changing paternity after 11 years.

Me pay child support while she stays in MA and collects while keeping two out of three of her children from her two dads. Married and living happily ever after.

...and so she can make sure that Legal Dad - the only father figure she's known, right? - out of her life.


Think about Mom's motives too. More importantly, what's best for this CHILD?

[imthedaddy]

Alright, so it all sounds like sound advice. Now this question: Can the mother come after me for child support even though she is not legally my daughter?