How Long Do you Have to Seek a Domestic Violence Restraining Order

[hopelessCA]

My question involves a marriage in the state of: California.

I am currently going through an almost two year divorce proceeding. During the marriage, I was abused physically and emotionally (documented broken arm, documented emotional abuse (including my ex, an anesthesiologist, threatening to kill a patient if I did not do what he wanted (my mother heard this while she was staying at our house), threatening to kill himself if I didn't do what he wanted (documented chat and text transcripts), mutual friends witnessed him cursing me and kicking me into the snow because I couldn't get his ski boots on his feet fast enough, etc.) and raped (have an internet chat transcript documenting a conversation about this between me and my ex in which he admits to raping me).

At the beginning of my case, my attourney recommended that I not pursue a domestic violence case against my ex because the last documented physical incident (the rape) occurred 9 months prior to separation (though we were living apart in separate cities during that time) and it was not recent enough. I was easily convinced because I just wanted the nightmare to be over and to get away from my ex. Fast forward two years, where my ex refuses to settle and continues to harass me by subpoenaing everyone I know, harassing my employer, etc., and my legal bills are over $100,000 (mostly spent responding to all of his ploys). He will not let me go and I was stupid to think that he would if I just rolled over and didn't pursue things aggressively. I have a lot more strength and clarity now, having been away from him for this long.

I would really like to go after my ex for abuse now. It has become clear to me that he isn't going to just "let go" like my attourney suggested so that it is a quick and easy case with "no children, no real assets". Can I do this? I did testify to the abuse about 5 months ago when we finally got to trial. Is it too late to pursue a case against him for this? I feel like pursuing this is the only way to get him to leave me alone. Nothing else has worked, even playing it as easy as possible. He just refuses to let me go. I'm ready to fight to get fully away from him in every way now. What can I do? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[cdwjava]

I would really like to go after my ex for abuse now. It has become clear to me that he isn't going to just "let go" like my attourney suggested so that it is a quick and easy case with "no children, no real assets". Can I do this? I did testify to the abuse about 5 months ago when we finally got to trial. Is it too late to pursue a case against him for this? I feel like pursuing this is the only way to get him to leave me alone. Nothing else has worked, even playing it as easy as possible. He just refuses to let me go. I'm ready to fight to get fully away from him in every way now. What can I do? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

If there is adequate documentation of the crimes against you, you can possibility get the DA to file. However, at this late date (nearly three years later?!?!) many of the offenses might have passed the statute of limitations, or will be close to passing them. In other words, you may be legally unable to pursue many of the allegations even if you have adequate documentation of the abuse. if you have NO documentation to support claims of abuse or rape, then you will likely not get the DA interested in pursuing the case. And, the allegations will likely appear to be an attempt to gain leverage in your civil proceedings.

About all you can do is speak to the police in the jurisdiction where the incidents took place and see what they have to say.

[hopelessCA]

I believe there is adequate documentation, but I'm not sure. Here's what I have:

For a broken arm I had, I have two orthopaedic surgeons that treated my arm. At the time (a couple of years ago) I told them how it happened (my ex slammed it repeatedly in a door) and they treated my injury.

Also, I broke my foot (required surgery, it's documented) due to a vespa accident that my ex caused my driving recklessly in the rain to scare me (was begging him to stop before we crashed).

I also have chat and text transcripts between the two of us where he admits, in detail, to raping me and also threatens to kill his patients or himself if I don't do what he wants.

I have multiple mutual friends witnessing verbal and emotional abuse and also him kicking and pushing me.

What I really want to do is make sure he can never come after me. He is using the divorce proceedings as a way to trap me into contact with him. He has gotten the case continued so many times it has been going on for two years. I'm ready to settle for no money and just split things how we have it (leaving me with a lot less than 50%...live in CA) just to get away from him, but he refuses to settle.

I sincerely regret not pursuing my divorce case as a case with domestic abuse from the get-go, but my lawyer advised me not to because if I did, then the case would go on much longer instead of just "9 months max". I didn't pursue the case this ways because my attourney's advice and my desire to get away from my ex as soon as possible. Since this hasn't happened and it seems like I will be trapped in civil court forever, I to see if there is anything I can pursue to make sure I am fully away from my ex forever and that he realizes that he can't get to me anymore.

I'm not sure if that option is criminal, civil within the divorce trial (not yet over), or civil outside of the divorce trial, but I'd really like to know what options, if any, I have from a legal standpoint.

Also, thank you very much for your response!

[cdwjava]

For a broken arm I had, I have two orthopaedic surgeons that treated my arm. At the time (a couple of years ago) I told them how it happened (my ex slammed it repeatedly in a door) and they treated my injury.

And they would have been legally required to report it to the police. What did you tell the police happened?

Also, I broke my foot (required surgery, it's documented) due to a vespa accident that my ex caused my driving recklessly in the rain to scare me (was begging him to stop before we crashed).

easily dismissed as an accident. Hardly conclusive abuse, just stupidity.

I also have chat and text transcripts between the two of us where he admits, in detail, to raping me and also threatens to kill his patients or himself if I don't do what he wants.

Absent corroborating evidence, his admission may not be worth anything.

I have multiple mutual friends witnessing verbal and emotional abuse and also him kicking and pushing me.

Okay. And the question will be why no one reported all of this so long ago. That WILL have an impact on any decision to charge him with crimes, because his attorney will argue that it is all (or mostly) fabricated to get back at him. And, if you ever had an episode of slapping HIM around, you can bet that he will have similar friends or stories alleging you attacked him.

Not to mention the fact that even the felonies will generally have a three year statute of limitations, so if they are more than three years old then they are probably not even able to pursued.

What I really want to do is make sure he can never come after me. He is using the divorce proceedings as a way to trap me into contact with him. He has gotten the case continued so many times it has been going on for two years. I'm ready to settle for no money and just split things how we have it (leaving me with a lot less than 50%...live in CA) just to get away from him, but he refuses to settle.

If you want to prevent him from physically coming after you, get a restraining order.

I'm not sure if that option is criminal, civil within the divorce trial (not yet over), or civil outside of the divorce trial, but I'd really like to know what options, if any, I have from a legal standpoint.

What you are talking about is alleging criminal conduct on his part. You are certainly free to try and introduce all of this "evidence" as part of your divorce and civil cases, but I am not sure what that might avail you.

if you do not like the advice of your attorney, you can engage a new one.