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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    225

    Default Ex- is Unwilling to Co-Parent Unless His Spouse is Included

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Minnesota
    Hello, I'll try to do a brief summary. Thank you in advance.
    Ever since I let my ex's wife (married 2 years in June) be part of our co parenting, things have gone down hill. Finally last fall I requested that she back off and let my ex and I co parent (just some examples, she would call the school counselor without my consent to discuss our children, she would insist on being at doctor appointments and conferences, etc). Now my ex is insisting that she be involved in absolutely everything... Dr. Appointments, dentist/orthodontist, Parent/Teacher conferences, behavioral issues, grades, etc etc. My ex and I already have boundary issues... he believes he can dictate what happens during my parenting time (he can tell the kids what activities/sports they can and cannot do during my parenting days). IE: the children had gulity feelings being in chess club (club meetings once a week on my parenting day, no cost to the father) or even a tennis lesson because he made them agree to 2 activities/sports a year (without my consent or discussion on even what a year is or what constitutes an activity/sport). Anyhow, I took the kids to see a therapist twice through my work-free program to learn about boundaries. I told Ex that the therapist would like him to call her and meet with me and the boys to discuss boundary issues. I did not hear from him for 3 months regarding this. Then he emails me and tells me he and his wife went to see the therapist and they would like to meet with me and the therapist so we can "ALL" learn to co parent together and would I let them know what day/time works the best. Problem: We cannot even co parent with each other right now as it is, let alone add a third party into the mix. The reason for the therapist in the first place was regarding boundaries with their father (help the kids understand what is appropriate and what is not appropriate at each home/setting boundaries/rules and for father and I to work on an agreement with boundaries). Eventually I would be interested in letting the step mom be more involved again and possibly counseling with all three of us, but right now because of the control issue with her and my ex, I would like to focus on the kids and how their father and I can work together with the boundary issues. There currently is no third party interference clause in our papers. We will be going to court for other issues (defining sports/activites, how many are appropriate, who pays half and when, different issues) but I am looking for suggestions regarding the step mom interferring and the ex not even willing to discuss (even on the phone) one of our children without her on the other line to be part of the conversation or co parent with me unless his wife is included. I understand her involvement but she also has her own children to worry about. Whatever they discuss behind closed doors is fine with me, but some decisions and discussions/appointments really have nothing to do with her. Suggestions? Wording to look into for the motion? Ideas?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,008

    Default Re: Third Party Interference. Ex Unwilling to Co Parent Unless Wife is Included

    Have you considered asking the court for mediation to hash these issues out?
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    584

    Default Re: Third Party Interference. Ex Unwilling to Co Parent Unless Wife is Included

    I was really interested in this post by looking at the title, until I clicked it and saw a sea of text and no paragraphs. Dearest OP, perhaps if you broke it into paragraphs and made it more readable, you would get more responses.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    225

    Default Re: Third Party Interference. Ex Unwilling to Co Parent Unless Wife is Included

    Hello, I'll try to do a brief summary. Thank you in advance. Yes we have tried mediation with no success.
    Sorry.. I will try to break it down. I am not sure how to edit my original post.

    Ever since I let my ex's wife (married 2 years in June) be part of our co parenting, things have gone down hill. Finally last fall I requested that she back off and let my ex and I co parent (just some examples, she would call the school counselor without my consent to discuss our children, she would insist on being at doctor appointments and conferences, etc). Now my ex is insisting that she be involved in absolutely everything... Dr. Appointments, dentist/orthodontist, Parent/Teacher conferences, counseling appt., behavioral issues, grades, etc etc. My ex and I already have boundary issues... he believes he can dictate what happens during my parenting time (he can tell the kids what activities/sports they can and cannot do during my parenting days). IE: the children had gulity feelings being in chess club (club meetings once a week on my parenting day, no cost to the father) or even a tennis lesson because he made them agree to 2 activities/sports a year (without my consent or discussion on even what a year is or what constitutes an activity/sport).

    Anyhow, I took the kids to see a therapist twice through my work-free program to learn about boundaries. I get 8 free sessions through work. I told Ex that the therapist would like him to call her and meet with me and the boys to discuss boundary issues. I did not hear from him for 3 months regarding this. He then emails me a few days ago and tells me he and his wife went to see the (same) therapist and they would like to meet with me and the therapist so we can "ALL" learn to co parent together and would I let them know what day/time works the best.

    Problem: We cannot even co parent with each other right now as it is, let alone add a third party into the mix. The reason I took the kids to the therapist in the first place was regarding boundaries with their father (help the kids understand what is appropriate and what is not appropriate at each home/setting boundaries/rules and for father and I to work on an agreement with boundaries). Eventually I would be interested in letting the step mom be more involved again and possibly counseling with all three of us, but right now because of the control issue with her and my ex, I would like to focus on the kids and how their father and I can work together with the boundary issues. There currently is no third party interference clause in our papers. We will be going to court for other issues (defining sports/activites, how many are appropriate, who pays half and when, different issues) but I am looking for suggestions regarding the step mom interferring and the ex not even willing to discuss (even on the phone) one of our children without her on the other line to be part of the conversation or co parent with me unless his wife is included. I understand her involvement but she also has her own children to worry about. Whatever they discuss behind closed doors is fine with me, but some decisions and discussions/appointments really have nothing to do with her.

    Suggestions? Wording to look into for the motion? Ideas?

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