Communicating Threats and DV Protection Orders

[Pootter]

My question involves restraining orders, etc in the State of: North Carolina

On Monday, February 20, 2012, my wife and I got into a verbal confrontation over her switching her marital rings from her left hand to her right hand. No physical contact occurred and never has occurred between her and I during our 5 yr relationship, 3 being married. We had agreed to divorce, takes a year of separation in NC, and had been working on how to split property for a mediator, who we were to meet on Wednesday, February 22, 2012.
We had pretty much worked through it all (basically divide it 50/50) but there were a couple instances where she accused me of being a con man and theif getting 50% of what her mother had left her. My father had left me money, coins, and part of his house in Atlanta. The house has not been sold and distributed as yet. They weren't equal but we had agreed, even did a prenuptial, that everything we got after the marital date would be marital property.

On Feb 21, 2012, a Tuesday, I was arrested on a Communicating Threat allegation ("like to shoot and kill you" while brandishing a pistol) warranat filed by the police dept with my wife as the witnes. This was filed on Tuesday, mid morning, when Monday is when she alleges the event happened. The night of the alleged threat she didn't call the police and she stayed in the house and even slept in the bed with me.

I was taken to jail where I spent the night and was released on bond the next day with a "No direct/indirect contact" order with turnover of firearms stipulation. I complied with a police officer accompanying me to our joint residence for some personal belonging and checked into a hotel.

On Feb 24, a Friday I was served with a DVPO detailing allegations of me saying ("I can do whatever I want to you now and what I want to do is kill you." I then went into the bedroom and emerged with a hand gun that I like to fiddle with making sure she see's what I'm up to). She goes into alot of name calling incidents in the past and that I intentionally broke her adopted, 18 yr old son's graduation picture, that I have threated him with the pistol in the past, and it goes on and on. The DVPO gave her possession of the house, ordered me to have no contact and turnover the firearms.

There is about 15% truth in all of these accusations. Do I have a pistol, yes and it was bought for her for when I was out of town. Was it out that night, yes. I had been taking it out of the draw underneath our bed, always in the holster, and putting it on the nightstand because we had been warned a couple of weeks earlier that vandals where braking into houses and cars and stealing. The police advised us to keep our lights on and I had been doing nightly, not every night but 5 to 8 nights, house checks. I never took the pistol with me and it always stayed in the holster.

I have a hearing on the Warrant on April 11 and we have deferred twice the hearing on the DVPO. It is now scheduled for May 1.

This is the classic she said/he said and I think that she did all this in order to not go forward with the mediation and try to use the courts to get a upper hand in the divorce suit which I understand has been prepared although I have not been served as yet. During my brief jail stay she emptied the joint bank account, she has sold her diamond rings, she has changed the locks on our home (both name on the title) and she has closed two of our brokerage accounts. I was able to put a hold on the largest account until this is resolved by us agreeing or the court directing. I have been very abiding by the court orders.

I have several questions but here is my most pressing one:

What are my chances of getting the Warrant dismissed? She apparantly wasn't terified by the alleged threat or she would have called the police that night. She slept in bed with me and I even touched her during the night when she seemed to be having a bad dream. Her claim in the warrant is different than in the DVPO. I threatened her while brandishing a pistol vs I threatened her and than went and got the hand gun and fiddled with it.
Other than convincing the DA and judge that I just don't act that way with her, let alone with firearms, are these other issues convincing enough?

[drthyrd]

My question involves restraining orders, etc in the State of: North Carolina
On Feb 21, 2012, a Tuesday, I was arrested on a Communicating Threat allegation ("like to shoot and kill you" while brandishing a pistol) warranat filed by the police dept with my wife as the witnes. This was filed on Tuesday, mid morning, when Monday is when she alleges the event happened. The night of the alleged threat she didn't call the police and she stayed in the house and even slept in the bed with me.
I was taken to jail where I spent the night and was released on bond the next day with a "No direct/indirect contact" order with turnover of firearms stipulation. I complied with a police officer accompanying me to our joint residence for some personal belonging and checked into a hotel.
On Feb 24, a Friday I was served with a DVPO detailing allegations of me saying ("I can do whatever I want to you now and what I want to do is kill you." I then went into the bedroom and emerged with a hand gun that I like to fiddle with making sure she see's what I'm up to). She goes into alot of name calling incidents in the past and that I intentionally broke her adopted, 18 yr old son's graduation picture, that I have threated him with the pistol in the past, and it goes on and on. The DVPO gave her possession of the house, ordered me to have no contact and turnover the firearms.
There is about 15% truth in all of these accusations. Do I have a pistol, yes and it was bought for her for when I was out of town. Was it out that night, yes. I had been taking it out of the draw underneath our bed, always in the holster, and putting it on the nightstand because we had been warned a couple of weeks earlier that vandals where braking into houses and cars and stealing. The police advised us to keep our lights on and I had been doing nightly, not every night but 5 to 8 nights, house checks. I never took the pistol with me and it always stayed in the holster.
I have several questions but here is my most pressing one:
What are my chances of getting the Warrant dismissed? She apparantly wasn't terified by the alleged threat or she would have called the police that night. She slept in bed with me and I even touched her during the night when she seemed to be having a bad dream.

Actually, as a victim of DV I feel that I can speak to what a DV victim sometimes does, rather than what someone who has not been in the shoes might speculate they would do. I can tell you that what I “thought” I might do in certain circumstances was quite different than what I actually did. I found I always slept best AFTER my husband assaulted me or otherwise displayed terrifying behavior. After he got all that anger out, we usually had a run of good weeks. Text book Duluth model cycle of violence, except, I had never heard of the Duluth model. So, my personal experience does not eliminate the possibility that someone could be threatened with death by a weapon and then sleep soundly near the person that made those threats.

Strange huh?

The DA has seen and heard this too. Her actions however, will probably seem counterintuitive to people that have never lived in domestic violence, so this could be something that your attorney can use to raise reasonable doubt as to whether your version of events or hers were true, if it makes it to trial.

On Feb 24, a Friday I was served with a DVPO detailing allegations of me saying ("I can do whatever I want to you now and what I want to do is kill you." I then went into the bedroom and emerged with a hand gun that I like to fiddle with making sure she see's what I'm up to). She goes into alot of name calling incidents in the past and that I intentionally broke her adopted, 18 yr old son's graduation picture, that I have threated him with the pistol in the past, and it goes on and on. The DVPO gave her possession of the house, ordered me to have no contact and turnover the firearms.

There is about 15% truth in all of these accusations. Do I have a pistol, yes and it was bought for her for when I was out of town. Was it out that night, yes. I had been taking it out of the draw underneath our bed, always in the holster, and putting it on the nightstand because we had been warned a couple of weeks earlier that vandals where braking into houses and cars and stealing. The police advised us to keep our lights on and I had been doing nightly, not every night but 5 to 8 nights, house checks. I never took the pistol with me and it always stayed in the holster.

Here is where you should stop talking on internet foums and start speaking only to your attorney. There is SOME truth to her accusations. Be careful that you don’t allow your own words to be used against you. Although these forums are anonymous, given enough details, someone could tie the things you write back to you.

This is the classic she said/he said and I think that she did all this in order to not go forward with the mediation and try to use the courts to get a upper hand in the divorce suit which I understand has been prepared although I have not been served as yet. During my brief jail stay she emptied the joint bank account, she has sold her diamond rings, she has changed the locks on our home (both name on the title) and she has closed two of our brokerage accounts. I was able to put a hold on the largest account until this is resolved by us agreeing or the court directing. I have been very abiding by the court orders.

there may be good news here. Do you have a divorce attorney? If not, you need one. The fact she has temporarily been granted the home does not automatically mean she gets to retain these assets in divorce. It would not be unheard of for a spouse that does this to be ordered to pay back half of the totals that were there upon separation, if they were marital assets. Get an attorney.

What are my chances of getting the Warrant dismissed? She apparantly wasn't terified by the alleged threat or she would have called the police that night. She slept in bed with me and I even touched her during the night when she seemed to be having a bad dream. Her claim in the warrant is different than in the DVPO. I threatened her while brandishing a pistol vs I threatened her and than went and got the hand gun and fiddled with it.
Other than convincing the DA and judge that I just don't act that way with her, let alone with firearms, are these other issues convincing enough?

Your attorney can advise you best, and you desperately need one. It is NOT apparent to me that she wasn’t terrified, so don’t expect the DA to automatically dismiss her complaint either. Her actions however, could very well cast doubt on her motives to many people. And all this talk about how a victim might behave is not to say that I don't believe you here, it is simply to help you understand that her behaviors as you describe them does not make me discount that her version COULD be true.

With regards to the gun, I am not sure that it will matter substantially whether you pointed a gun and threatened with her with it or just decided to start fiddling with your weapon in the middle of a heated debate on divorce and implied a threat to her. I would still view the latter as a threat and I think most people would feel very threatened when someone they are disagreeing with decides to introduce a weapon.

I suggest a good attorney. Pronto.

[Pootter]

Very insightful, thank you and I do have two attys: one criminal (communicating threats warrant) and one civil for the DVPO.