Husband Not Living Up to Agreement

[TealBlue]

My question involves marriage law for the State of: California

Hello,

When I married my husband 15 years ago, he said that he would financially support me in my position as a homemaker.

Everything was great and dandy up to around 2008. After that point, he started to restrict my spending and *claim* that he wasn't earning as much. Lately, in the last year or so, he has been saying that I need to get a job and help him out.

Forget that noise. He agreed to support me in the lifestyle I have - and he is going to.

From what I have read, I can force him to pay me alimony if I divorce. He's not so bad, so I will not divorce him unless he doesn't live up to his agreement. My getting a job is *not an option*. Real men pay for women and children.

My question: Is there a legal way to force him to live up to his obligation without divorce and an alimony order?

It's really getting bad. He cut off my monthly payment to my account, so I simply withdrew $40,000 from our joint account and am using that for shopping money. He's getting really pissy about that.

Other facts: No kids on our side, he is paying child support for one child from a previous relationship, he has (had) a major Web site business that pulled in lots of money, now it's not going so well - or so he says. Real men support their women, and he better get three jobs and pick up cans before he mouths off to me again about a job.

[aardvarc]

From what I have read, I can force him to pay me alimony if I divorce.

YOU can't force anything. You can ASK a judge to order alimony, and given that you've not supported yourself for such a substantial period of time, you're likely to get it. But be very careful to understand that it's the JUDGE who determines what you get.

My question: Is there a legal way to force him to live up to his obligation without divorce and an alimony order?

Nope.

Real men support their women, and he better get three jobs and pick up cans before he mouths off to me again about a job.

When you go for your divorce, do yourself a favor and let your ATTORNEY speak on your behalf.

[Dogmatique]

Real men support their women, and he better get three jobs and pick up cans before he mouths off to me again about a job.

Funniest thing I've read in forever.

Folks, we're being trolled.

[TealBlue]

Folks, we're being trolled.

I take it that you've never had to run a household, "Dogmatique".

I do my job, he does his. He is not living up to his job. Period.

Oprah Winfrey has called the job of a homemaker "the most important job in the world". I agree.

I have always lived up to my agreement. He is not living up to his. And you are spouting nasty stuff, maybe out of pure jealousy.

[Dogmatique]

One wonders why you are on a message board instead of speaking to a top-notch attorney.

That, my dear, is what you need.

Not a message board.

[TealBlue]

"Dogmatique":

I went to visit two attorneys. They both treated me like a child and started asking me about my husband's finances - the idea was that they could get my husband to pay for my attorney fees, but only if I filed for divorce and demanded alimony.

I'm not there yet. I have upheld my agreement as a homemaker. He hasn't upheld his agreement. Apparently, in this society, I don't get access to legal advice unless I divorce my husband.

My question was whether I can get him to uphold his agreement without filing for divorce and alimony. You are off on your own tangent for whatever reason (are you an attorney, by the way?), but I would be thrilled to hear other voices.

[Dogmatique]

File for divorce.

That's your recourse.

Expect to be imputed at least 40 hours @ min. wage in terms of calculating child and/or spousal support.

I do have a serious question though, and there's a reason I'm asking. Are you a legal resident of this country?

[drthyrd]

My question: Is there a legal way to force him to live up to his obligation without divorce and an alimony order?

Short answer. No.

Long answer. No. Seriously, do you have any idea how many promises are broken over the course of a marriage? You cannot enforce his promise to support you in your role as homemaker any more than someone can legally enforce the promise of a spouse that promised to make you dinner every night, rub your feet every night, light candles every time there is a blue moon, send flowers every year on the anniversary of your first date, never lie, never cheat, never put the kids before the marriage, never have kids, have kids, love you forever and this and that and so on. People promise lots of things before marriage. Even when promises are solidified by something legal and enforceable, like a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, you need to initiate the dissolution process to enforce the rights guaranteed in the agreement. None of the whispered promises made to you before marriage are worth a dime, so try to enjoy the pretty voice of the one that said them to you, if you can, because you don't have a legal leg to stand upon here.

I am sure you are a troll. But this was entertaining.

[Michael44]

Actually, there was a case like this in family law that I remember. Sorry, too lazy to look it up in Lexis.

It was in the Midwest somewhere. A woman who didn't work wanted to regularly visit her sister. The husband didn't like her being gone all the time, so he wouldn't always give her the money to go to her sister's. The woman didn't want to divorce, but she petitioned the court to make the man give her an "allowance" so that she could regularly visit her sister. The court approved it.

The case was from the 1940s (is my memory of it), so take it with a grain - or maybe a truckload - of salt.