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  1. #1
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    Mar 2012
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    Question Soon to Be Ex Girlfriend Says She'll Sue

    My question involves a relationship in the state of: California

    My (currently) girlfriend and I have been growing farther and farther apart. Every time we almost break up, she threatens to tally up all the money she has spent throughout and have her attorney "send me the bill". When I say all the money, I mean everything she has spent money on : food(for the two of us), gas (from her house to mine), gifts, the attorney fees, everything.

    When we met, about nine months ago, I was in an occupational school, on legal probation(for a non-violent nor sexual charge), could not find work, and lived with my mom. I, currently, am a certified mechanic and I'm no longer on probation, but I still can't find a job(due to background), and still live off mom. So, she knows I can't pay for half of anything. Just to top it all off, she knows a guy in the FBI she uses to "check" on me. I've never heard from him, nor have I met him, but he "knows" me and "my kind". I used to illegally download, so this has me very worried I'll see the inside of a prison.

    I want to do the right thing, but I'm scared to leave her if we can't workout our differences. What can she actually sue me for and what can I do about the FBI guy?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Soon to Be Ex Girlfriend Says She'll Sue

    She can sue for anything she wants. She can even have an attorney send you a bill. What matters is what she can prove IN COURT that you owe her - meaning what she can convince a court that there was a contract for. If you two chose to spend money on mutual expenses, the court cannot and will not even attempt to split up whose funds paid for what mutual things like food and household bills. The court will simply tell her that co-mingling funds without either the legal protections of marriage or a contract as to how income and expenses were allocated is just "playing house" - and that the courts don't get involved. She may be able to convince the court that you owe for expenses that were yours and yours alone, AND that she can prove that she paid for (such as if she bailed you out of jail, etc.) If she chose to pay the bills so you could go to school, in exchange for the pleasure of your company and the pitter patter of your feet around the house, that was her choice - just because it was a BAD choice doesn't make YOU liable to her, again, unless she can prove that there was some contract (verbal or otherwise) to the contrary. These things are all the downside of living together, supporting someone, and co-mingling funds without the benefit of the divorce process - and it's a lesson a lot of people learn the hard way. Bottom line is that the burden in court would be her to PROVE that she reasonably expected to be paid back for those expenses, and you agreed, - and that the expectation was in place at the time the expense was incurred. Watch a couple of episodes of Judge Judy sometime - probably 40% of the episodes address this same thing - which is actually pretty sad that so many people are so completely clueless that the simple breaking up of a relationship doesn't suddenly turn past expenses into liabilities or "loans". The courts just assume that she was getting SOMETHING for what she was paying.

    No one can predict what the FBI may or may not do. Anytime you engage in illegal activity, you risk the consequences of that activity being found out by law enforcement, or to a "tip" leading to an investigation. There's nothing you can do about the FBI guy except to say nothing and get a criminal defense attorney if any actual criminal case against you materializes. (But honestly, generally speaking, unless your downloading activity involved child pornography, the FBI usually has much better things to do than get involved in bitter girlfriend issues.)
    Catherine NeSmith
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    AARDVARC.org, Inc.
    http://www.aardvarc.org

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  3. #3
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    Default Re: Soon to Be Ex Girlfriend Says She'll Sue

    Get rid of this chick.

    She's likely lying to you left, right and center. There's no FBI "guy", there's nothing you owe her other than that which you've agreed to pay.

    There's not even an attorney, is there?

    Come back if you're charged with something.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  4. #4
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    Mar 2012
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    Default Re: Soon to Be Ex Girlfriend Says She'll Sue

    Thank you for the replies.

    As for what she can prove, is nothing. I never asked her to purchase anything. I've, only, told her that once I start making money, I hope, I can start taking care of her the way she's taken care of me.

    As for her lying about having an attorney, that's not likely. She comes from a community which has money.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Soon to Be Ex Girlfriend Says She'll Sue

    If her attorney thinks there was a viable case, s/he would likely had you served already.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    Default Re: Soon to Be Ex Girlfriend Says She'll Sue

    Well, apparently the lawyer is doing "research" on my mothers house to file for a lien on the house we live in, in the event I won't be able to pay for the legal fees. If she does take me to court, can she be awarded that I pay for her lawyer's fee, or rather, is there is possibility?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Toledo, OH
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    Default Re: Soon to Be Ex Girlfriend Says She'll Sue

    Well, apparently the lawyer is doing "research" on my mothers house to file for a lien on the house we live in, in the event I won't be able to pay for the legal fees.
    Who told you that? Your girlfriend?

    Will you PLEASE do yourself a favor and kick her to the curb, post haste? You cannot put a lien on someone's house for someone else's legal fees.

    If she does take me to court, can she be awarded that I pay for her lawyer's fee?
    She can ask. Doesn't mean she'll get.

    One more time: Get rid of her. Then wait. While you're waiting, read Catherine and Doggie's posts again. And again. And once more for good measure. If you're served with papers, get a lawyer - but don't hold your breath waiting for the papers to materialize.
    I'm not a lawyer, but I play a researcher on the internet!
    Caution: I bite. WARNING: Do not send questions or complaints by PM. I'm likely to post them publicly and embarrass you half to death.
    I'm training for the MS Society's Bike to the Bay - and blogging about it!

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