[no contact]

I live in Illinois, My husband and I had a horrible day of arguing and fighting with each other, long story short,he had left and went and got drunk at his brothers house and called for a ride home,once home he started the earlier fight up again; durring his ranting he went into our bedroom and said he had a present,he came out of our room into our dark dining room and said he had a gun, I thought I saw a gun (there was no gun), my daughter heard me yelling about a gun and called the police, once the police responded I told them that every thing was fine but they still wanted to come in and make sure, I let them in, after talking with me and my husband outside away from each other and another officer inside talking with my daughter, they said that they were taking my husband away to diffuse the situation and would release him later, I told them I did not want to press charges and that I would leave with the kids for the night, the police told me that they needed to take him in for my safety???? ( to back track a second) the present was his wedding ring in a box, he was going to let me know he wanted a divorce. The officer said that my daughter told him that earlier in the day my husband had pulled my hair, she how ever did not tell him that I was the aggressor in that situtation, nor did he ask and I did not offer that information. HE told me he needed me to write down what happened earlier in the day, I again said I was not pressing any charges, and he told me again that my husband would be let go that night, I was not aware that I could refuse to give any written statements and I was unaware that the statement I did give was going to be used against my husband. The officer also said that I should have no contact with my husband for the next 48 hours??? Again trying to make a long story short, the next day I was informed that my husband was not released and was in fact taken to the county jail. I had to pay 2,500. to bond him out and I still am not allowed to see or talk to him, it is now 2 months later. I have called the states attorney and have begged to have the no contact lifted. I was informed that this the only way they have to keep me safe??? Hello!!!! I tried to explain about the statement that was given and she told me it didn't matter now because I did not write any of the other stuff in my statement. A statement that I was not giving to press charges or to have my husband arrested.The statement I was giving was for the "officers records", how do I now get the no conatct lifted and or get the charges dropped???

[Litigator]

There is not that much you can do as a victim other than make your wishes known to prosecutor. It is up to the prosecutor whether to drop charges and only the court can lift its no contact order.

What your husband could do is to urge his counsel to file a motion or perhaps see if the prosecutor will agree to the lifting of the no contact order. If the parties are in agreement the court may very well lift the order--I've had this work in the past for clients.

With respect to the charge the attorney could perhaps negotiate to have the charge dropped or some other disposition which would turn out better for your husband in the long haul. For example, the attorney may be able to negotiate something like a deferment wherein no conviction gets entered if your husband complies with certain conditions such as attending domestic violence classes for a certain period of time, etc.--this will vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction but it is something to explore.

The police have to diffuse the situation so there is nothing unusual about how they handled things--better to intervene than not do anything and in some cases end up with someone hurt or killed. Police make a determination whether to arrest someome for an offense based on probable cause and ethically prosecutors use at least that standard in determining whether to charge someone with an offense--victims do not get to dictate whether someone should be arrested or charged with a crime.

[cdwjava]

I concur.

When the police respond to a domestic situation, very often they have to return - if not that night, then the next night. Most states either mandate or encourage an arrest of the primary aggressor in any physical domestic violence call. One reason for this is to help allow the victim to buy some time to get their head straight and decide to get out if they want.

Prosecutors expect victims to change their mind within 48 hours - most of them do. It is no surprise to anyone that you are opting to recant or change your story later as this is a very, very common occurrence.

As Litigator said, if all parties are in agreement, perhaps something can be worked out in court. Until then, he needs to adhere to the order or risk jail whether you want him to go or not.

- Carl

[no contact]

Thanks for your responce. I do understand about the temporay no contact for actual victims. I am not a victim though, in the past six years with my husband he has never once raised his hand or hurt me in any way, if anyone in our relationship is to be a victim I would say it would be him, he has restrained me when I am coming at him or hitting him but never once has he been the aggressor. I have spoken to his attorney about filing a motion to have the order lifted but he is under the impression that they won't lift it until the case is over. Can I file a motion my own behalf? My husband won't violate the no contact order and has only has third party contact with me in the past 2 months, which is probably against the rules also.
If I was under the impression that I was not filing a police report could not giving the whole story be considered filing a false police report? Also, is it common not to be able to speak directly to the prosecutors and only to an assistant? Any thoughts would be helpful.