Threatened With Suit By Former Boyfriend

[samsid]

My question involves small claims court in the state of: FLORIDA

My former boyfriend is threatening to sue me in Florida small claims court to reimburse him for various minor and bogus things, but mostly for one of his trips to visit me and for a trip he paid for me to visit him while we were "dating". I only visited him because his parents asked me to break up with him in person and they offered to pay for my flight and he insisted that I come to visit. I did say that I didn't want them paying for it and said that I would pay him back someday but I only took this trip to stop the endless phone calls and text messages. I was in college and had no income. I tried to break up with him for a year and a half and he always threatened to overdose, kill himself, etc. Unfortunately I was easily guilted into continuing the relationship although I wanted it over with. I've certainly learned my lesson in that regard.

Anyway, this threatened lawsuit is his way of maintaining contact with me and this week he keeps emailing and texting me about it.

One of the issues is that he resides in Florida and I reside in New York. Can I ask for a change of venue because traveling to Florida is out of my budget as I do not have any income and cannot even pay my rent without help from family?

Also, I have since moved and he doesn't have my new address. He only has my cell phone number and my email address and my mother's address. Are the odds good that I can wait it out by not being served the summons in a timely fashion? I hate this approach because I will always be looking over my shoulder.

He has offered to settle for $1000 for all this bogus stuff. I don't have $1000 to give him and even if I did, I don't like the idea of being shook-down for normal expenses that normal people incur when dating.

At most I am willing to offer to pay for my last flight to visit him, using money borrowed from family of course, just to settle this once and for all.

My ultimate objectives are:

1. Either avoid this all together using venue issues or another defensive action OR Have a final settlement where no further claims can be made against me
2. And have no further contact from this individual ever

I feel that this person is threatening to use small claims court to continue to stalk & harass me. I want to tell him to cease all contact with me and then I would just start documenting each unwanted contact in case I need to build a stalking case against him.

Hopefully I will get a job soon and can hire a lawyer to advise me but for now, I would appreciate any advise anyone may offer.

Thanks!

[jk]

I did say that I didn't want them paying for it and said that I would pay him back someday

so, how is it bogus? You did say you would pay him back for, at least, the trip where you returned to Florida, right?

[samsid]

so, how is it bogus? You did say you would pay him back for, at least, the trip where you returned to Florida, right?

First, thank you for your reply. You are correct, I believe that at some point, either before or after the tickets were already purchased, I stated that I would pay him back sometime in the future, implying when I had a job and money. I simply don't remember exactly as there was so much pressure to go to Florida, both from his parents and him as in constant phone calls, emails, and text messages. I am willing to counter-offer paying for that trip but I see no reason why I should pay for his trips to see me.

Each visit involved a barrage of pressure from him as I was trying to end this relationship and unfortunately I caved in after much pressure. This person has some serious psychological issues, most likely some bipolar/manic problems as well as an obsession as evidenced by phone calls, emails, and text messages every few minutes that can go on for a day or two. Even since posting this message, I have received numerous texts and extremely lengthy emails, ranging from "I hope you're not mad at me" to "You're a whore" (I didn't include the expletives). Today will probably be the suicide threats.

So the best I can offer at this time in my life is to pay for the one, last trip to say "Please get out of my life" yet again. I cannot pay for items he insisted on purchasing, including his plane ticket and hotel room to visit me. I did not ask him to visit me and I did not want him to visit me.

So, any suggestions on how to successfully make the $200 counter-offer and to nip this in the bud?

[Riply]

If you live in NY and he lives in FL, you would not be subject to the Court's jurisdiction in FL. He'd have to sue you in NY. That wouldn't stop him from filing in FL and serving you by mail, but you'd have to contact the Court Clerk in FL to prove you are a resident of NY and ask that the case be dismissed for lack of jurisdiction.

There are exceptions to that rule, but I doubt you'd fall under any of them, so I won't go into those.

The bottom line is that you agreed to pay some of the expenses back. That creates an obligation, especially if it can be proven by some writing. Still, he'd have to pursue you in NY, most likely.

Not to sound like I'm lecturing you, but "woman-up", grow a backbone and kick him to the curb. Change your cell number, or contact your provider and see if he can be blocked.

[Mr. Knowitall]

I only visited him because his parents asked me to break up with him in person and they offered to pay for my flight and he insisted that I come to visit. I did say that I didn't want them paying for it and said that I would pay him back someday....

Explain this better. Why would you be promising to pay your boyfriend back for money advanced to you by his parents?

Anyway, this threatened lawsuit is his way of maintaining contact with me and this week he keeps emailing and texting me about it.

Then block him and ignore him, unless and until you're served with a lawsuit.

One of the issues is that he resides in Florida and I reside in New York. Can I ask for a change of venue because traveling to Florida is out of my budget as I do not have any income and cannot even pay my rent without help from family?

If Florida lacks jurisdiction, you can attempt to argue that to the Florida court and ask for a dismissal. It's a bit unclear as to whether part of the claim originated while you were in Florida, though; Florida would have jurisdiction over a Florida matter, even if it arose during a vacation as opposed to while you were domiciled in that state.

Also, I have since moved and he doesn't have my new address. He only has my cell phone number and my email address and my mother's address.

You should not expect to defeat a lawsuit by dodging service of process, although I am not going to encourage you to give this person your address given that his behavior seems to trend toward the creepy.

Either avoid this all together using venue issues or another defensive action OR Have a final settlement where no further claims can be made against me

If you choose to settle, you would want an ironclad release agreement executed as part of the settlement.

And have no further contact from this individual ever

We can't promise you that.

If you live in NY and he lives in FL, you would not be subject to the Court's jurisdiction in FL. He'd have to sue you in NY. That wouldn't stop him from filing in FL and serving you by mail, but you'd have to contact the Court Clerk in FL to prove you are a resident of NY and ask that the case be dismissed for lack of jurisdiction.

Merely being the resident of another state is not sufficient to disprove a court's jurisdiction.

[samsid]

Thank you for your response. The only reason I haven't changed my number yet is that it is on my resume that I sent out for various jobs that I have applied for but I intend to block his number once I figure out my response. What can I say, I am young and stupid but hope that goes away with age and experience. I have a normal boyfriend now.

As you have wisely pointed out jurisdictional issues, I plan to call the county court and ask about jurisdiction. I plan on settling for the one trip that it looks like I am obligated for but he will need to sue to get the rest which is nonsense.

Turns out that this person just broke up with a more recent girlfriend and is now angry that I have ignored his calls, emails and texts and so wants to screw with me.

Again thank you for your advise and I will do my best to "woman-up" and kick him to the curb.

[Riply]

Merely being the resident of another state is not sufficient to disprove a court's jurisdiction.

That's why I said:

and ask that the case be dismissed for lack of jurisdiction.

Then, the Court would decide if there was proper jurisdiction.

KIA - I've gotten to like you and respect (yes, even admire) your intelligence. Do we have to keep jousting over split hairs ?

Can we just agree that we won't always agree ?

[Michael44]

I read this:

"If you live in NY and he lives in FL, you would not be subject to the Court's jurisdiction in FL. He'd have to sue you in NY."

... as a flat-out false statement (because it's absolute). She could certainly still be subject to the court's jurisdiction in Florida, and it may well have to be sorted out in a motion hearing.

[samsid]

He purchased the plane ticket while he was in Florida, hence a cause of action that he thinks gives Florida jurisdiction. However, is it possible that I can ask for a change of venue because I do not have the means to travel to Florida to defend myself? It just doesn't seem to be fair that you can be forced to forfeit a case simply because you cannot afford to travel to a venue to defend yourself. What stops me from suing poor Florida residents in NY court and winning by default because that person can't afford to fly to NY to defend himself/herself?

Mr. KIA - Thank you for responding. If I indeed did say that I would pay him back for the last trip (remember I think I probably did say it but can't completely remember), it was because it bothered me greatly to be indebted to him and his family even though they insisted on me taking the trip. Our different financial situations bothered me because I very much want to be fully independent. Also, at the time I guess I was the perfect stooge for his manipulations as my mother did the same stuff to me as I was growing up: "I will kill myself if you go to your friend's house, go to the movies, don't move back home after college, etc". Now that I am somewhat out on my own, I hope to overcome my weaknesses in this regard and not continuously allow myself to become victim to someone's manipulations time and time again. I have taken notice that both my mother and this ex boyfriend are still very much alive regardless of my actions and not as a consequence of my actions.

[Mr. Knowitall]

KIA - I've gotten to like you and respect (yes, even admire) your intelligence. Do we have to keep jousting over split hairs ?

Can we just agree that we won't always agree ?

You seem to be operating under the mistaken belief that this is a discussion forum, as opposed to a legal forum. What you call "splitting hairs" is actually what it takes to provide factual, legally accurate information.

There are lots of forums where they don't care about accuracy. If you would be more comfortable posting in those forums where your errors are less apt to be corrected, you can make that choice.

Everybody makes mistakes, even me. Everybody gets corrected, even you.