Forcing a Child to Speak to His Father on the Phone

[simplyme123]

The mother has custody, the father is allowed professionally supervised visitation 1 day a week, which he does not make use of. The original order was for the visits to be supervised by the paternal g-parents. This was due to the father's behavior (alleged substance abuse, emotional and physical abuse). This past fall a judge ordered the visits to be professionally supervised due to the GAL's initial report, concerns that the paternal g-parents were not providing adequate supervision, and the father's arrest record since the initial court case.

The GAL seems to be of the opinion that children under 5 or 6 cannot fully benefit from counseling.

[Dogmatique]

The GAL is obviously not a mental health professional.

There is nothing stopping the parent from getting the child into counseling.

[gam]

The mother has custody, the father is allowed professionally supervised visitation 1 day a week, which he does not make use of. The original order was for the visits to be supervised by the paternal g-parents. This was due to the father's behavior (alleged substance abuse, emotional and physical abuse). This past fall a judge ordered the visits to be professionally supervised due to the GAL's initial report, concerns that the paternal g-parents were not providing adequate supervision, and the father's arrest record since the initial court case.

The GAL seems to be of the opinion that children under 5 or 6 cannot fully benefit from counseling.

Who was the emotional and physical abuse on mom or child? What happened on the paternal grandparents supervision of his visits with the child?

Yeah I would be doing what I thought was best for my child and that would be to have a PROFESSIONAL MENTAL HEALTH WORKER tell me if my child could benefit from counseling. That GAL is overstepping herself by suggesting such a thing, as she is a lawyer not a Professional mental health worker.

I work in the mental health field, work in a psych hospital, we have a children's unit and we have had as young as 3 years old on that floor. If the child is so afraid(as you say)of dad that he won't even talk on the phone, then yes indeed if he was my child, I would get a professional opinion on the benefit of counseling for a 4 year old. That professional opinion would not be from a lawyer, but from a psych Dr or therapist or counselor who is a professional in the mental health field.

[Dogmatique]

I really, truly wish that Mom herself would sign up.

I cannot help but feel that there is far too much third party interference going on, and this could seriously backfire on Mom.

We've seen it happen.

[gam]

I really, truly wish that Mom herself would sign up.

I cannot help but feel that there is far too much third party interference going on, and this could seriously backfire on Mom.

We've seen it happen.

I agree, grandma's posting hx is very questionable. Grandma seriously needs to take a step back, forget that this is her daughter and her grandchild if she wants to be of any help to either of them. It's very hard to do that as a mom/grandma, but it's an absolute must if she wants what is best for this grandchild.

[simplyme123]

Gam, thank you for your insight. I agree, it seems odd that the GAL would suggest waiting until he is older to seek help. There have been times when I, personally, have felt some of the comments/suggestions put forward by the GAL were out of place, so to speak.

To others who think so little of a grandparent seeking advice from a message board such as this, relax. I do not run my daughter's life. I am the type to ASK questions and SEEK information. I chose to do so here. My daughter asks questions from other sources. I did not realize that THIS message board had a no-grandparent policy. Instead of attacking me simply because I am a grandparent who asked a question, perhaps you could focus on the question itself.

[gam]

Gam, thank you for your insight. I agree, it seems odd that the GAL would suggest waiting until he is older to seek help. There have been times when I, personally, have felt some of the comments/suggestions put forward by the GAL were out of place, so to speak.

To others who think so little of a grandparent seeking advice from a message board such as this, relax. I do not run my daughter's life. I am the type to ASK questions and SEEK information. I chose to do so here. My daughter asks questions from other sources. I did not realize that THIS message board had a no-grandparent policy. Instead of attacking me simply because I am a grandparent who asked a question, perhaps you could focus on the question itself.

The thing is a grandparent is a 3rd party, no legal rights in the eyes of the court, stepparents/boyfriends/girlfriends are seen the same way. Often 3rd parties don't have all the facts to the case. Often 3rd party's have strong emotional attachments to the parent in the split situation and to the child. Often that can lead to a 3rd party making matters worse. They might think they are helping, but if they can't set those attachments aside(which is so hard), then the help most often turns into a mess.

I understand this cause I am a 3rd party grandparent also. 8 years ago my daughter became a single parent, at the same time my Niece(very close to her and her mother)divorced. I came online, asked questions, looked up stuff for them to. They had no time, I did. I took a beating on many boards for sticking my nose into it. But I took that beating, stuck around on those boards, and explained myself. People eventually got to see that I got the big picture. I grew up in a divorced household, I also work in the mental health field, I see and know what this does to a child. I have numerous other family members in split situations, matter of fact, staying together in my extended family is not the norm. I for some reason was able to beat the norm and have been married for 29 years.

It is extremely hard to set your personal attachments to the ones you love and do this right as a 3rd party. Understand you will get told things on boards that may apply and may not, but listen to it all, take the beating and really, really make sure your not letting those emotions overshadow the help your seeking for your daughter. You must let your daughter decide what is a big deal and what is not, don't even whisper in her ear, why did dad do that, or why is the child behaving like that after dads house.

I've sat with family members in 6 different court houses in my area. I've sat in courtrooms while waiting with them and listened to other cases, I've gone into other courtrooms and listened to other Judges and what they do in their cases. I've looked up laws after laws in my state. I've read and posted on about a dozen different boards concerning custody. I've read and given many of my relatives numerous books on split situations, co-parenting, divorce and everything in between.

Everytime one of them comes asking me something, I still have to think real hard, rethink what I want to say and make sure I have left out my attachments to them and their children. Sometimes if I can't do that, I send them to the boards and I stay out of their post, let them hear from someone who has no attachment.

So my advice is do some of the things I have done here, detach yourself emotionally. Look at the big picture, check and then triple check everything you do in this and make sure your not messing up. Learn, stick around on boards, keep posting, take the beatings, accept that some won't deal with 3rd parties, read books, sit in the courtrooms of the Judges in your area. Read the laws for your state surrounding custody/parenting time and child support. Do not give your daughter any advice until you get yourself together and no what your talking about.

Rethink what some here said to you. I can assure you that if your talking about Dogmatique, that poster happens to be really informed on legal matters, has a good ability of getting the post out there in easy to understand english. They also happen to be very patient, answer more for 3rd parties then most, give you the facts, add in a little extra to think about. It's going to be pointed out to you no matter what board you post on that your a 3rd party, don't take offense, listen, read it, think about it several times and apply where needed.

[simplyme123]

So my advice is do some of the things I have done here, detach yourself emotionally. Look at the big picture, check and then triple check everything you do in this and make sure your not messing up. Learn, stick around on boards, keep posting, take the beatings, accept that some won't deal with 3rd parties, read books, sit in the courtrooms of the Judges in your area. Read the laws for your state surrounding custody/parenting time and child support. Do not give your daughter any advice until you get yourself together and no what your talking about.

Thanks again, Gam! You're advice is truly helpful. My hope in coming here is to receive credible direction, such as being pointed to sources (applicable state laws, websites that spell out procedures, etc.) Sometimes I can find info online myself. Sometimes I can't, which is often due to not knowing where to look or what to search for specifically. Knowing the correct terminology can be of great benefit when searching for info on court websites, or in our state laws.