Custody Given to Third Party During Father's Extended Absence

[cybalicist]

My question involves civil rights in the State of: KY
Okay I have no clue what to do here. I'll start from the beginning. I got a divorce from my ex-wife and had joint custody, my divorce papers (signed by the judge) said I was secondary custodian. I had full visitation, unsupervised. No complaints were filed against me. I had to go out of state for a couple of monthes for work, this was discussed with my ex-wife and arrangements were made. While gone, my ex lost custody of the children due to neglegence and abuse. I had to attend the hearing by (poor reception) phone. I requested an attorney, the judge denied me saying that I was not on trial and the hearing did not pertain to my rights. The paperwork stated that I was denied because I had no custody of them. My ex's lawyer tried to bring me into the negative scope of the trial, and the judge stated that no new evidence had been brought against me and everything they had said had already been ruled over by him. She lost custody. I get back, then find that I have also lost custody and ALL visitation (I was never notified of this even though I provided the court with current mailing address). Custody was given to my ex's mother. I have had to fight to get my visitation restored. I filed an emergency custody order against her mother after several incidences of the children coming to physical harm and contempt of court by my ex and her mother. They admit to several times violating court orders, the judge does not let me speak in the hearing even though I filed the paperwork. He doesn't care that they violated court orders and won't hear most of the physical abuse counts, then denies emergency custody. Since this has started, my ex disappeared for several monthes, not keeping a job, not keeping a phone, no one was able to contact her, she stayed with her boyfriend, who was part of the reason she lost custody (even though the court told her she couldnt have the kids if he was with her), she didnt see the children or call them at all (as confirmed by her own mother), she admitted for being on drugs for an extended amount of time, and to date she still has no job, residence, vehicle. She was completely uncompliant with the case plan for nine monthes or more. All of this has been brought to the attention of the judge, and as of the last hearing, he stated that his intention was to eventualy give (full) custody back to her, stating that he would not hear a petition for custody by me, and gave my ex 132 hours unsupervised visitation (the rest not spent with me is ordered to be supervised after 8pm by her mother, who she eventually moved in with after her boyfriend tried to kill her for the third time, essentially giving her full time capabilities with them). He also asked her mother to speculate with him about the meaning behind why I was blinking too much in court (I don't even know what purpose this served besides to villify me). My constitutional rights were denied me, and no lawyer around here will even think about my case because they all have to see him for their cases. I don't have enough money to hire an attourney, but shouldn't I still have protection of my constitutional rights? Like a 1983 action? (the judge also ordered me to cease putting my children in any videos, which were a past-time we all enjoyed and wasn't inappropriate at all. 1st amendment. and took my rights without a trial or notification. 4th amendment.)

[Dogmatique]

Dad, you can't afford to NOT have an attorney. I'm sorry, but this goes far beyond the scope of a message board.

[cybalicist]

I am literally thousands of dollars in debt, making payment arrangements for half of them for the minimum amount, I live paycheck to paycheck, and several recent health problems has left me behind on bills too. It's not that I would rather not pay, it's that I have NO POSSIBLE WAY WHATSOEVER to do so. I just want to know what my options are, what can I do? This shouldn't be allowed to happen should it?

[aardvarc]

Unfortunately, Doggie is right. This isn't going to be something you're going to be able to address without a kick ass attorney - and even then, the deck is stacked against you.

I had to go out of state for a couple of monthes for work, this was discussed with my ex-wife and arrangements were made. While gone, my ex lost custody of the children due to neglegence and abuse.

So the situation went from perfectly OK to the children being taken away from her in a period of a couple of months???? Exactly how MANY months? Was social services involved? What transpired that got this ball rolling in the first place? How much contact did you have with the kids before all of this happened? (In other words, were you active in their lives a couple of days a week or enough to truly understand their living situation BEFORE they were taken from mom?)

Being out of state when social services and the courts got involved put you WAY behind the 8 ball. As we're constantly telling people on these boards, here's how social services works: if there's a bad situation, the best way to handle it is between parents and family. If the situation is headed downhill, THAT is the point at which the other parent needs to be seeking custody - because you don't step in to help them yourself, and things progress to the point where the state has to remove the children, the state has responsibility for them, and the state thus works to put them in a better situation...but that situation is going to be IN the state, where the state can keep an eye on things and make another move if necessary. This is why the frequency of contact with the kids before all of this happened is so important. The courts typically presume that if you were an active parent, that YOU would have known about and intervened in any abuse or neglect occurring. But that didn't happen. That alone sends a message to the court about your involvement and ability or willingness to step in and do what needed to be done. Had you been IN the state when this went down, you'd have had a much better chance of getting custody of the kids. Since you weren't, apparently they found grandma to be the next best option at the time. Problem is, once the kids are in a new environment, it's generally assumed that it's best to not be moving them AGAIN so as to allow them a chance to find some new stability. It's generally the goal of the courts and social services to return children to their primary caretakers whenever possible (which is what the judge indicated). However, if mom isn't actively working a case plan and doing what she needs to be doing for that to happen, AND grandma continues as primary caretaker for some period of time, she could successfully petition to become the legal guardian (again, the courts putting a premium on consistency).

I filed an emergency custody order against her mother after several incidences of the children coming to physical harm

And at what point did you report this physical harm to police? Did child protective services get involved? Is there documentation of this abuse, police reports, social services intervention, medical records, photographs, etc.? If such abuse is occurring, the courts expect it to be brought to the judge's attention by the third party professionals to whom such abuse is reported. If it doesn't go through those channels, the court really doesn't give credence to such claims (because LOTS of people in custody disputes attempt to play this card and will say or do anything - but if there is abuse occurring, courts expect parents to REPORT it and act on it appropriately, not just "save it up" for the courtroom). Unless there was some documented incident where the children were injured or documentation of abuse/neglect, there was no "emergency" - thus the reason the emergency petition was denied. Again, the courts aren't going to suddenly uproot the children yet again without EXCELLENT reason, and that reason needs to be readily apparent - in other words, it's NOT an emergency just because you were distraught about it (and that's not meant to be unkind, only to illustrate to you what the COURT considers an "emergency").

and contempt of court by my ex and her mother.

How does the contempt relate specifically to YOU? Are they violating a court's order that pertains to YOU? If not, the court won't hear from you about it.

no lawyer around here will even think about my case because they all have to see him for their cases

Yep, and they all know the judges and other attorneys well enough to be able to work WITH them too. Attorneys make their living bringing cases and dealing with these hard issues. They aren't personally vested in them, and while it's easy to try to say "they don't want to help me because my case is a pain in the ass", that's generally not true. Pain in the ass cases tend to be long, and financially lucrative - because it takes a lot more time to "schmooze" delicately than it does to bang away or bury a case in paperwork. If attorneys aren't helping you, it's either because your case has complications that are working against you getting the outcome you desire, or, because the attorneys want to be paid more and longer than you are capable of doing.

Get back to us with answers to the questions I've posed here, and we'll move forward with what, if any, potential action may be possible.

[cybalicist]

1.) I never missed a visitation before I had to travel for work
2.) the move was known beforehand by my ex, and later by the judge, to be temporary, with the end being my return to their county of residence.
3.) even before the custody problems, she wouldn't keep a job and couldn't be gotten ahold of for lack of phone.
4.) she had her landlord tell me I was not allowed on the property and therefore had to make all pick ups and drop offs in other locations.
5.) I had made a prior report to social services about cuts on their hands and bodies
6.) I have reported every violation since this has started to the social worker, and she has failed to report on any of it, including two counts of my child's head being split open, two counts of my child coming over with ciggarette burns on them, and uncountable reports from the children on how my ex and her mother keep telling them I am a nasty, horrible liar and that I am teaching the "to go to hell", I reported several times that the children were left unsupervised with my ex, even allowing her to transport them back and forth alone, even though the court had forbade it,(to which both my ex and her mother admitted in court, to the judge, and he just shrugged and said "they didn't mean anything by it" as if that was a valid excuse for breaking the law), and regarding me, they were court ordered to notify me first whenever they needed someone to watch the children due to injuries the children incurred while being watched by her other sitters, which they never did once, but I had people to testify that they brought the children to them several times in that period. Again, something the judge did not allow me to say.

Mainly though, the judge, who granted me secondary custody in the first place, began this new preceding assuming I had no custody, and yanked my visitation too. With just his assumption, my custody was gone, no reason, no trial, no hearing, no preceding, no notification, just gone.

You can't tell me that all it takes for a judge to remove custody and rights from you is writing that you never had them on a piece of paper? There has to be some purpose for the constitution.