Can he take my baby from me?

SashaM · #1 08-27-2006, 03:34 PM

Ok, i am 17 years old and 10 week pregnant with a little baby. I know for sure the baby's father is my ex-boyfriend ( i've only done it with him). I will be 18 when the baby is born. I want him out of my life. But his parents are admit that he is going to have rights. I am NOT going to put him on the birth cerfitcate, but if he takes me to court to have a paternity test done, can he really switch my baby's last name to his, even if we have never been married? Also i have a stable job, a car, a nice home, i finically am support all on my own. He can't even keep a job, so custody most likely will be mine right? I know i am going to have to get a good lawyer but these are some questions i was hoping to get answered quickly! Thanks! By the way i live in arkansas.

rmet4nzkx · #2 08-27-2006, 04:00 PM

Have you already graduated from high school?
Do you have medical benefits on your own through your employer?
What type of a job do you have at 17 that you can support your baby and yourself without any help?
Do you live with your parents?
If you live with your parents, will you be able to move out on your own?
Do you have someone for childcare and the funds to pay?

The usual course for unmarried parents is, paternity is established either by an acknowledgement of paternity or a paternity action, then child support is ordered. The putative father then has the right to petition the court for custody, that usually means joint legal custody where you share making parental decisions, usually one parent is designated the custodal parent and the other the non custodal parent for physical or residential custody, sometimes it is sole custody and the other parent may have visitation orders no matter the type of custody. As a minor you chose to conceive this baby with this man, thus you made a 18 year or longer commitment of a demanding relationship. You don't get do overs. If you are fit, most likely the court will initially give you primary custody and he may eventually also have significant parenting time, whether or not he pays child support or whether or not he has a job. Yes fathers have rights too.

SashaM · #3 08-27-2006, 04:10 PM

Yes i have graduated from high school, i graduated this year. My family owns a family business and has for many years. I work for my father, and though i don't own my own house, my parents own the one i am renting from them. I realize my baby is a life long thing, but i want the best for my baby. He does not want the rights, his parents do. He even told me if i was to offer him money he would sign away his parental rights. I just want to move on with my life. I don't need nor will i need finical support from him. I don't need money help from anyone. Just because he is the father of the baby means he should get rights? Even though he doesn't want them and my baby would get neglected while being in the presents of him? I want the legal rights, that way my baby doens't have to go live with him, not even for a day. Than later on in life if he straightens his act up, i would not mind letting him see the child, or even his parents. But i will be damned if i am going to let my child live through what i have lived through with him. Regardless if it seems morally right or wrong to anybody else that he has any rights.

rmet4nzkx · #4 08-27-2006, 04:17 PM

Having 2 parents and grandparents is in the child's best interest. You shouldn't have conceived a child with him if you didn't want to share the child with him and his parents. While your parents are very generous, you are not independent. Being unmarried and becomming a parent is difficult for both parents and they say many things because they are upset, once the baby is born both of you will feel different.

aaa6 · #5 08-27-2006, 07:42 PM

SashaM: if the input from a single mom of a five year old girl means anything to you, I would suggest that you hire a good lawyer, get full legal and physical custody, tell your baby that his/her father loves him/her, and allow reasonable father-child interaction. I understand that you want the best for your child, and as you may learn later, it is best for the child to know that both parents want and love him/her.

also, consider getting a good shrink.