School Won't Communicate With Stepparent

[DesertMama]

My question involves adoption law for the State of: Californina (San Bernardino County)

My husband had the biological mothers rights terminated when his 3 children were very young, youngest was a mere toddler. After a few years of raising the children with the assistance of his mother and stepparent in their home I met my husband and for 10+ years we have been a happy family. After meeting with a stepparent adoption case manager she, at the time, didn't feel that it was necessary in our particular matter. It has always been a well known fact that these children know me as "mom", I care for them as any other parent would. All the immediate family knew and, agreed, that in any event I would always be the caretaker of the children, sounds simple enough. We simply are a close family. I have raised my daughter since elementary age and in Dec 2010 she graduated from high school early. During that entire time I had not one single issue with schools, physician offices or any other place that required paperwork/signatures. The other children are now 15 & 17 years old. With my determination I recently was able to get them accepted into an elite charter school in our area where it usually takes years of being on a wait list. An incident arose about my son's ADHD behavior and they wanted to set a meeting with my husband & I but they asked if I had guardianship or other paperwork so that it was on file so I can talk to them about him (the school won't even respond to any simple emails anymore). I honestly was floored and confused. I had been to years of parent-teacher conferences, school events and even signed a few citations from when my son had gotten into trouble. I have always been the main parent to tend to all of the children's school issues, appointments and such since my husband works a lot out of the area and at times long hours but now I am being "held back" from my duties by this school. I understand they look out for the best interest of the child, I am assuming there are laws pertaining to the non-biological parent. I don't need a legal adoption to know these are my kids but legality issues are arising therefore I would like to put something in place to where I don't have these types of issues with the school or anyone else for that fact. Would it be legal if my husband creates his own document then gets it notarized stating I have consent/full authorization in any and all matters pertaining to the children? Would something like that work in my case?

Being that the children are now 18, 17 & 15 I don't feel an adoption is necessary since one is a legal adult and the others are soon to be plus I've never had any issues up until now.

[Dogmatique]

No, that's not going to be enforceable.

You are, legally, not the parent. Dad can give you a POA though, which might satisfy the school's requirements - you'll have to check with them.

Out of interest, how exactly were Mom's parental rights terminated? That is not common outside of a stepparent adoption. Are you both absolutely sure that's what happened? (As opposed to Mom's custodial rights being terminated)

[DesertMama]

When the mother was married to my husband she up and left while he was deployed. The Air Force notified him of an issue with the children therefore he was shipped back to his base on leave to deal with the neglect & abandonment of the 3 children. The mother left them in an apartment in Oklahoma that was empty, no heat/electricity, no running water or any basic necessities - only a can of powdered milk, sink full of water and several bags of cooked microwaved popcorn. When the children were finally found w/o care the authorities stated that the scene was of "utter disgust". The eldest, only about 4 years old at the time, was tending to her 2 younger brothers she finally went to a neighbor asking for some food. The mother was ordered counseling, parenting classes & weekly drug testing if she wanted to remain a custodial parent however she tested positive on drug tests and failed to attend any counseling or classes plus didn't take advantage of seeing the children. During a court ordered appearance she advised the judge, case workers and district attorney that she "would rather set the kids on fire rather then tend to those life suckers ever again" and happily opted to terminate all parental rights. Since then we have found out that she has been in and out of jail, had other children that were taken away by the state due to severe abuse and neglect. None of the maternal family even wanted to keep in touch with the children there was an open ended option available for many years to keep contact but no one did so. Its unfortunate when a natural parent terminates all rights, I don't clearly understand it myself but in certain cases, such as this one, I guess its for the best interest of the child(ren).

Thank you for the POA info concerning the school - some info is better than running in circles.

[ironeagle]

First the dad should hold a conference with the school and in it let them know you are the children's only mother figure and that he wants you to have permission to all information. Now legally you are NOT their parent. FERPA, the Federal Education Rights and Privacy Act gives rights to legal guardians only. Generally unless the school has been given a legal order signed by a court holding jurisdiction on that case, that any parent is bared from receiving educational information or participating in any school related events, or activities, then the school cannot bar either parent or guardian from said information. However because you are not a legal guardian this doesn't apply to you. If the school is unwilling to accept the fathers request that you be given the same rights and privledges then I suggest removing the children from the school. Schools must learn to conform to mixed families and changes in culture and family situations to keep the child successful and to keep the focus on education and not on inapplicable and unreasonable policies.