Served With a Temporary Restraining Order, Should I Fight a Permanent Order

[Chads30]

My question involves restraining orders in the State of: NJ

Girlfriend and I broke up Dec 27. *She told me to get out of her life and lose her number or else shed be sure i did. *She cursed me out and said i waa going to get my karma. (keep in mind she wanted the breakup, i did not cheat or treat her badly) *
Following that I made contact through texts, some good and some bad but not threatening. *She never answered. *Jan 2 she responded to a text telling me that there was no other guy, that she just needed space etc. *and to not contact her. *Of course I was hurt emotionally and contacted her a few days later being upset but never threatening her. *I later found out a day after that she changed her phone number. *But I was not told this by her that it was because of me. *I sent two emails basically saying I was shocked and hurt and disappointed in her and that I hope she gets her karma. *A week later I sent her two requests to play a game over the phone and included a chat were I said basically same stuff like why did this happen and I'm sorry and etc etc. *she declined both games

Last night my friend, who was her previous best friend dropped her belongings next to her car at a friends on, the car was in the street, not in private driveway. * I sent her one final messsage through the phone game and was very nasty calling names out of frustration but did not threaten or harm her.
Today I recieved a TRO saying harassing repeatedly through texts, emails, n games on phone. *And it mentioned defendemt found stuff by her car. *But I have no license, I did not put it there. My friend said she would come to court and say it.

Keep in mind ive seen her out at bar twice before the TRO and been within 5 ft of her, not on purpose, and have not spoken or done anything to her in person. *
Cops tried going to my house to deliver TRO but I was at a restaurant. *I was "tagged" in Facebook and am friends with her friends do they must have saw That I was there. *They all arrived at the restaurant/bar and literally an hour later the two cops came n delivered the TRO to me. *If she wants a restraining order then why go to where I was on purpose? *They basically mocked the whole process and found me and called the cops.
Also keep in mind that she has gone up to friends of mine at bars within past week or two and slandered my name and claimed I was physcho n such.


I have court hearing in two days...should I just deal with the RO and not show up? *
Or should I try to fight it and say it was normal break up frustration and I never threatened her, if anything she threatened me about getting out of her life and losing her number. *
And visited same exact place on the day she files for the TRO, basically on purpose.
Do you think the RO will be granted? *I showed no real harm to her, just the nasty text name calling, but it's only been weeks since rough break up and I was hurt.

[Dogmatique]

Dude, you need to leave her alone. Period. Stop contacting her. You WERE behaving in an erratic manner.

Nobody can guess whether the RO will be granted. You can plead your case, apologize profusely and explain that you were emotionally distraught at the time.

[Who'sThatGuy]

You need to leave your ex alone. The reason for the order of protection is your constant contact. Stop trying to contact her because if she is granted a TRO, you can't contact her by phone or eMail. You can't go by her work. You can't have someone else contact her on your behalf and you forfeit your firearm rights if you hold a NJ FID card.

[Chads30]

I realize I cannot and will not contact her. I just recieved the TRO, not sure if my story was confusing.

[Chads30]

I have to try and plead my case that I have done nothing to place the plaintiff in imminent, serious, physical harm correct? Yes I've sent too many texts and realize my mistake, I was upset after a sudden rough break up.

We have seen eachother out multiple times since our breakup and I have never given her any reason to have any fear. I have no criminal record and have never even gotten in a fight. She got in a fight this summer with a guy who she hit in the face, not sure what the charge was but she paid a $500 fine. And if I was such a fear to her imminent, serious, physical harm n well being then why would her and her friends come to same bar/restaurant I was at and continue to sit across the bar, on the same day she files for the TRO? She has ulterior motives for trying to cause me as much trouble as possible since she is a miserable person over her moms death last year and her fiancé cheating on her. He's mentally unstable.

[aardvarc]

I have to try and plead my case that I have done nothing to place the plaintiff in imminent, serious, physical harm correct?

If you had, you'd be facing criminal charges. The standard that is needed for a restraining order is MUCH lower. If you've demonstrated that you don't know what "stop contacting me" means, then the court has good reason to issue the order against you.

Yes I've sent too many texts and realize my mistake,

Then it's likely the court will recognize it also. Too bad you didn't recognize it BEFORE she asked for the RO.

I was upset after a sudden rough break up.

Which is a reason, but not a legal defense. No matter how upset you are, you have no legal right to continue to contact someone who has told you to buzz off.

We have seen eachother out multiple times since our breakup and I have never given her any reason to have any fear.

You need to let the fear thing go. If you were creating fear, you'd be facing criminal charges for stalking. As it stands right now, you're only looking at a civil restraining order due to harassment, which doesn't NEED there to be an element of fear.

I have no criminal record and have never even gotten in a fight.

Keep it that way. A criminal record tends to really screw up many opportunities in life.

She got in a fight this summer with a guy who she hit in the face, not sure what the charge was but she paid a $500 fine.

Completely irrelevent to the fact that you continue to contact her after she said "stop".

And if I was such a fear to her imminent, serious, physical harm n well being then why would her and her friends come to same bar/restaurant I was at and continue to sit across the bar, on the same day she files for the TRO?

Not legally relevent. She doesn't control her friends and vice versa.

She has ulterior motives for trying to cause me as much trouble as possible

Then you shouldn't have given her such great ammunition to use against you. All you had to do was leave her alone, yet you chose otherwise.

since she is a miserable person over her moms death last year and her fiancé cheating on her. He's mentally unstable.

Not legally relevent. Even miserable and mentally unstable people have the right to say "stop contacting me" and to take action against those who don't.

[Chads30]

Does it matter that on 1/1 or 1/2 she did answer my text asking he if there was another guy? She said "no there was no other guy I just needed space, for you thinking that it pisses me off even more, I was honest, this is not worth my time". So she didn't continually not respond after saying stop.


I don't wanna see or her or am I worried about seeing her again. Should I just not show up and just let it go through. Will a civil harassment restraining order say that I can't go 100yrds from her and such? Cuz she knows where I frequent on the weekends and she could be spiteful and do it on purpose

[aardvarc]

Does it matter that on 1/1 or 1/2 she did answer my text asking he if there was another guy? She said "no there was no other guy I just needed space, for you thinking that it pisses me off even more, I was honest, this is not worth my time". So she didn't continually not respond after saying stop.

No. It doesn't. We would have all advised her that she shouldn't answer because it would increase odds that you'd respond - but the bottom line that the court cares about is that you continued to contact her after she told you to stop. Even if. No matter what other spin you put on it.

I don't wanna see or her or am I worried about seeing her again. Should I just not show up and just let it go through.

You can certainly attempt to contest it, but it would appear that she's got a pretty easy claim. If you want to contest it, I'd strongly recommend the services of an experienced attorney.

Will a civil harassment restraining order say that I can't go 100yrds from her and such?

Or similar language, yes. (but expect it to be greater than 100 yards - like 500 yards or 1,000 yards).

Cuz she knows where I frequent on the weekends and she could be spiteful and do it on purpose

Yep, she could. That's one reason to consider the services of an attorney to combat her request for the order.

[Michael44]

Why don't you quit going the places you normally go? Don't answer her in any way, get out of town, have some fun somewhere else.

She can't manipulate you if there is total radio silence on your part. Combat her petition with an experienced attorney and otherwise have no contact at all with her.

[Chads30]

I understand all your valid points.
But I have never done anything wrong in person and we have been feet apart. I understand the harassing texts, it happens in many rough sudden break ups.
But why should the order say that I be 500+ yards from her? I've never attempted physical harm or verbal harm. Never threatened. In texts she threatened that I get out of her life and that she would spit in my face.