How Do I Get Help for My Teen when There is Nobody to

[mom of 3]

My question involves juvenile law in the State of: Maryland


I am a mother of 3 with the oldest being a 16 year old boy, he is naturally a good child with alot of dreams for his future but is making alot of bad choices as do many teens. I have tried to help him and fight with him about the choices he is making but it seems nothing is getting through to him and i do not want to give up but i am at the end of my rope and do not know how much longer i can deal with him. At first in the start of his 9th grade year he did good for 1 week the slowly went downhill from there he started skipping school everyday so i went to the school and met with administrators and tried to punish him, it worked at first but then he got to where he would not listen and did not care what i said. He continued to skip school and started hanging with the wrong crowd and started smoking pot and cigarettes. I confronted him on these things and told him i would put him in a rehab and he laughed, i then asked for him to go to a special alternative high school so he could do better and my request was granted. to put a long story short since that time he did very good in school then went back to his home school which was diffrent then the one he started at because we moved and he did good for a minute then bad again. so he wanted to move to west virginina where his dad and grandparents live and promised to do good, i did not want to but allowed him in hopes i was doing the right thing he was suspended 3 times and still smoked pot and got a girlfriend whom he was staying with when his grandparents thought he was at his friends and he sis go to school but had straight f's down the paper so needless to say he did not do good and so i brought him home and now have him in the alternative high school again to still try to help. He is doing good at school but if he dont want to go to school he just tells me hes not going and stays home. I tell him to stay in for not going to school and i come home from work and he is out with his friends. Last week he took a pill and was very high so i took him to the hospital and got him tested because he said he did not take anything, his test was positive for pills and he just laughed but brfore going to the hospital i pulled police officers up on the side of the road and asked them to please do a soberiaty test on hium and they said there wasnt anything they could do, My son became nasty at home and so i called police and they said there is nothing they can do, i went to the hospital and pleaded for help but they also said there was nothing they could do. My son has not taken any more pills that i know of and he said he did not like the feeling so i hope he doesn't anymore. I have called hotlines i have asked everyone to help me and i get no results. I am trying to save my sons life and help him change before it is to late and nobody seems to be able to help me they just say dont give up on him but i have 2 little girls i also have to raise and i work it has got to the point where i have anxioty issues when i argue with him my chest hurts. i cannot keep going through this and am at my end. it would be easy to turn him around if someone would just appoint him a program that deals with these types of situations or help him he is out of control.
i turn to this to try to get guidence to do the right things and hopefully get some answers on what to do?

[aardvarc]

Ultimately, this is all, at this point, a parenting issue, and NOT a legal issue.

his test was positive for pills

"Pills" is broad - tests seek positive results for SPECIFIC substances - so what pills was he on?

and he just laughed but brfore going to the hospital i pulled police officers up on the side of the road and asked them to please do a soberiaty test on hium and they said there wasnt anything they could do,

Unless your son was caught driving impaired, which is a crime, police can't just test them for the heck of it, even at parent's request.

My son became nasty at home and so i called police and they said there is nothing they can do,

Being nasty isn't a crime. Police deal with criminal behavior. Unless his behavior BOTH constituted a crime, such as domestic violence, AND you were willing to paint the situation as one where criminal behavior occurred, such that police would have probable cause to make an arrest, they are right - beyond ensuring that no one was injured, and encouraging him to stay out of trouble, there's nothing for them to do. If your son's actions are criminal in nature, and you're willing to report that criminal behavior quickly enough that police can discover evidence of such (ie he's got drugs in his room, he's in the back yard smoking pot), then an arrest might be a first step in getting him into SOME programs...IF a judge will order such. Most courts won't adjudicate a teen as unruley unless there is some history of police reports or some documentation beyond the first incident that lands that teen in front of the court - so one plan might be to start getting documentation of his criminal behavior (ie drug use) or behavior that supports his defiance (ie if he's running away) and asking a court to find him unruley. Most programs for troubled youth are accessed by being SENT there by a court as part of a criminal case against the juvenile, but Maryland's Dept. of Juvenile Services DOES have some services for prevention and early intervention available (family counseling, advocacy, drug abuse education, etc.), so they should be one of your first calls (888-639-7499).

i went to the hospital and pleaded for help but they also said there was nothing they could do.

What medical condition were you wanting them to address? Illness? Injury? Tell them that he was a danger to himself/suicidal?

I have called hotlines i have asked everyone to help me and i get no results. I am trying to save my sons life and help him change before it is to late and nobody seems to be able to help me they just say dont give up on him

it would be easy to turn him around if someone would just appoint him a program that deals with these types of situations

The "someone" with the power to do what you want is only held by two people; you, and a judge.

Until he is in the "system", the system has no authority or capability to order or appoint anything for his benefit. Unless your son enters the criminal/juvenile justice system, and a court puts him or arranges for a program for him, you're going to be on your own to find programs appropriate for his needs - programs such as boot camps, boarding schools, drug/alcohol rehab programs, etc. They aren't easy to find, and they aren't cheap. Contact your local United Way, and ask them to get you in touch with programs for at-risk-youth, for drug/alcohol programs, and other appropriate resources. Be aware that they're NOT likely to be free, and that unless they are residential programs, you may have a hard time getting him to attend/cooperate. Expect things to get WORSE before they get better.

Also ask UW about parenting support for YOU, as sometimes having the widsom of families who have been where you are now can be incredibly helpful. Talking to parents in and around your own community can be the very best place to get referrals, and to get tips on what to avoid - who are the good counselors? what are the local drug programs like? ask how those familes paid for them (which ones work easily with insurance), what tactics worked or didn't work for similar situations, etc.

It's also unrealistic to think that this problem will be solved only by changing HIM. YOU may have some things to change too, if nothing else, to make your own parenting more effective. If what you've been doing isn't working, then it's time to try something ELSE. You might also check Amazon.com for used books by authors recognized in the field of dealing with troublesome teens, like Scott Sells, Janet Edgette, Mark Gregston, Aaron Kipnis, or Bill Quinn. If you can get a handle on this BEFORE he enters the juvenile justice system, his potential outcomes are MUCH MUCH better. Once his behavior crosses lines and he gets into the system, you'll have much less (if any) control, and his prospects become much bleaker.