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  1. #1
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    Nov 2011
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    Default Can They Force My 16 Year Old Daughter to Go on Visitation

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois
    My question is this, we have had primary custody of my 16 yr old stepdaughter for almost a year. She REFUSES to talk to her mom or have any contact with her. Her mother wants to see her, we have never told her she cant see her, just that she will not get the response she wants. She says we are violating the modification by not allowing her to see her daughter. We have NEVER stopped her. The mother has never showed up to get her, she wants her father to FORCE her to come to her. Now the mother is saying we are going back to court so she can force visitation. My stepdaughter says she will lock herself in her room or run away if she thinks her mom is coming. What are my stepdaughters rights? We don't inhibit the visitation from happening, but we won't get physical and put her in the car either. What are our options?

  2. #2
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: Can They Force My 16 Year Old Daughter to Go on Visitation

    Your stepdaughter has no rights whatsoever.

    She goes per the court order.

    Why isn't the custodial parent enforcing their parenting? Tell the parent to google "kicked out of the garden of eden" parenting or similar. The parent needs to start being the parent, and making it crystal clear to the child that we obey court orders.

    Because they are orders - not suggestions. Dad might end up losing custody if he's not enforcing visitation.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  3. #3
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    Nov 2011
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    Default Re: Can They Force My 16 Year Old Daughter to Go on Visitation

    My question was how do we force her to go?

    and the court orders states"visitation will be agreed upon between both parties but in consultation of the minor"
    What does that mean???

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Massachusetts
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    16,925

    Default Re: Can They Force My 16 Year Old Daughter to Go on Visitation

    Your stepdaughter has the right to obey the judge's order that she visit her mother.

    If she continues to refuse, then she has the right to watch as her father is escorted to jail when he is found to be in contempt of court for HER failure to obey the court.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Can They Force My 16 Year Old Daughter to Go on Visitation

    Is that word for word?

    In that case, I'll change my response.

    If both parties don't agree, then Dad will likely not be held in contempt - although he'll still likely get a telling off if Mom does go back to court. If she does, and gets the order changed, then it's a parenting question not a legal question.

    Dad can remove everything she has access to - and I mean EVERYTHING - if she doesn't toe the line. Daughter needs to understand that Daddy can get into an awful lot of trouble.

    And frankly the "consultation of the minor" needs to go. It's never wise to allow a child to make such a decision themselves.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  6. #6
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    Nov 2011
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    Default Re: Can They Force My 16 Year Old Daughter to Go on Visitation

    Thanks for the advice
    I guess I am just frustrated that the mother has not seen her daughter in almost a year and tell us we are the bad ones for not making his daughter come to her. I guess I am thinking if she wants to see her daughter she would make more of an effort. She likes to have others do her dirty work so she doesn't look like the bad guy and we just aren't playing that game this time and her daughter is done playing that game, which is why she lives with us and the lawyer put in that the minor would have consultation about visitation.
    If her mom showed up to get her we would allow her to come in and see her daughter, but she won't enforce it because she doesn't want to look bad, but wants us to enforce it for her.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Can They Force My 16 Year Old Daughter to Go on Visitation

    Why on earth won't Dad just take kiddo over to see Mom? Isn't that healthier co-parenting? Who would it be harming exactly? What is Dad doing to encourage their relationship?

    And the daughter is "done playing that game"? She shouldn't be making that decision. I'm sorry stepmom, but this is craptacular parenting by BOTH parents from the sounds of it. If Mom wants to raise a fuss, she can make life VERY hard for Dad.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,925

    Default Re: Can They Force My 16 Year Old Daughter to Go on Visitation

    So mom wants dad to do all the dirty work and dad wants mom to. I can't imagine why the child is frustrated.

    Sooner or later, one of the two is going to have to put on his or her big boy/girl pants and start behaving like a parent. I don't think I have to tell you, or maybe I do, how much better it would be for your husband if he were the one. He's the one who is going to be caught with his pants down around his ankles if the court decides to play hardball.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    California
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    397

    Default Re: Can They Force My 16 Year Old Daughter to Go on Visitation

    Obviously the mother isn't the best... right, otherwise dad wouldn't have custody and so much "power" in visitation.
    So it is my belief that because dad has all this final decision power, mom must've done something bad in order for the judge to order that.

    You know, not all moms are good...

    But yes, dad should make more of an effort, even if it was "look daughter, you gotta see your mom... otherwise chit can hit the fan real quick".

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    4

    Default Re: Can They Force My 16 Year Old Daughter to Go on Visitation

    mom signed a modification in may 11, now 6 months later she wants the wording changed. Dad has said daughter you should call/see your mom, he is not stopping her from going, she has a car and a phone she can make contact anytime she wants. The daughter just doesn't want.
    dad hasn't inhibited her from seeing her daughter or daughter from seeing her. she has 100% visitation now, she just chooses not to. She will call and say can you ask girl if she wants to go to lunch with me, girl says no and mom drops it, until now. Now she says we are not allowing her to see the girl.
    I get that if it is ordered girl has to go and it is dad obligation to enforce it, but the way it is worded in the modification(which never went to "court" just her signing papers and our lawyer taking it to the judge for us) leave lots of room for speculation. How can mom decide 6 months later to change it???

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