Spouse is Cheating With His Ex

**Shawntasha** · 10-26-2011, 03:10 AM

My question involves a marriage in the state of: North Carolina. I've been married to my spouse for 12 yrs we have 3 children ages 14, 11, 10. We were separated at on point but not leagaly, he just chose not to be a husband and father anymore. We reconciled and he moved me and our kids to NC in Jan 2009. I cant to go to my spouse's commander I don't want to get him in trouble to the point that he may lose rank. My spouse has been having inappropriate convesation with his exgirlfriend who lives in another state and his child's mother who lives in North Carolina. I have proof of everything. My husbands says he wants to work on the marriage and that he will stop!!! Can I inform these women of what my intentions are so that they will no that I'm seriouse about my marriage. I know that ex will more than like stop but his child's mother won't she will use his child as pawn. The child is 16. He thinks I'm not serious and has threat to leave if I go through with this.

**Mr. Knowitall** · 10-27-2011, 08:09 PM

Your husband is telling you that he'll divorce you if you tell his ex- to stop sleeping with him? And you don't trust that he'll keep his promise to you not to sleep with her?

And your problem with divorcing him is... what?

**cyjeff** · 10-27-2011, 09:15 PM

There really isn't a legal question in here anywhere. We aren't a marriage counseling service.

Divorce him or don't. If you don't, be prepared for his extracurricular activities to continue.

Your call.

**Shawntasha** · 10-28-2011, 04:52 AM

The ex has turned him down, so the issues is his child's mother he hasnt been sleeping with her. He said he would divorce me if I filed an alienation of affection suit.

**free9man** · 10-28-2011, 05:26 AM

So he has not actually physically cheated yet? Just emotional cheating? If so, tell his CO. It's not going to get him collared for adultery under UCMJ. He'd probably just receive some NJP, I doubt there's even be any pay forfeiture. But it's also possible that his CO may do no more than tell him to clean up his act/get marital counseling...i.e. nothing of significance. In the old days, yeah a CO could come down on him like a ton of bricks to straighten him out without ever involving the courts. Those days are over.

Ya'll need to go to counseling. You cannot tell him who he can or cannot talk to, he is an adult. If who he talks to bothers you that much, divorce him. Just keep in mind the next time you enter into a relationship that it is not a "you're the boss" situation. Both parties are free to do as they please with an offended party free to leave.

**Mr. Knowitall** · 10-28-2011, 09:14 AM

When you hit on your ex and she spurns you, that's not "alienation of affection". It's only potentially "alienation of affection" if she encourages or accepts the advances.

**cyjeff** · 10-28-2011, 10:34 AM

Quoting Mr. Knowitall

When you hit on your ex and she spurns you, that's not "alienation of affection". It's only potentially "alienation of affection" if she encourages or accepts the advances.

I think it may go even deeper than that... I seem to remember the wording of the law includes the guideline that this particular relationship CAUSED the marriage to collapse... which is obviously not the case here since the husband is stepping out with a couple of folks.