Appropriate parenting time in Michigan for absent father of 3 years

[chiefsangel]

My daughter's father who has not had "parenting time" in over 3 years was arrested on a bench warrant for non-support a couple of months ago. Now that he is forced to pay some sort of support he is now wanting to compel his parenting time with my daughters.
Over three years ago we had gone to court (7-23-03) for my not allowing him parenting time due to his drinking, not feeding them, no car insurance etc. and not abiding by court orders on same and other issues. He had been lurking around our home all hours of the night; tapping on their windows and doing weird stuff. When we had gone to court I agreed to his make-up parenting time and he was awarded back to back weekends, days etc. And this arrangement would have truly emotionally done my daughters in.......
On this same day as the court date was his parenting time day. I had just enough time to get home and try to tell my daughters that they had to see him. They had not seen him maybe a handful of times since the beginning of the year. He shows up, I had to push my girls (9 & 5) out the door screaming and crying - locking the door behind them so they could not come back in. (and I lost it myself - one of the hardest things I had to do as a parent knowing that my girls were hurting and scared) They went out to his car and there they sat for 20 minutes curbside. They got out - he drove away and did not come back. He made no attempt to contact them, did not pay child support - nothing since then.
Now that he has been busted on bench warrant in MI - while working when he has told the court he was not working. And he is now being forced to pay some sort of support - which he is trying to get lowered - when he is making more money than before. (self-employed - makes collecting child support harder and proving income) Wants to compel parenting because he does have to pay.
His attorney has drawn up a temp. order stating that he gets 6 hours unsupervised parenting time at his mother's home on Sundays. I had not agreed to this. My girls do not want to see him, they do not know him and they fear his temper which was a big factor when it came to them not wanting to go. I wanted supervised visits in a public place for 1 to 2 hours. The counseling center that I had enrolled the girls into - had even said that when a parent is absent for over 6 months that suggest 1 to 2 hours supervised until the child is comfortable.
Is there a law suggesting what should be allowed and not allowed when the other parent just takes it upon their selves ans just leaves? Without any form of contact?? I had gone to court with him in '05 for the non-support because the State had ordered it. He not once asked about the kids - just made the comment that he couldn't pay the support because he was not working (and he was) and that he shouldn't have to pay for something that he doesn't get to see. The "something" being my daughters.
He comes off as this caring, loving father when in reality he hasn't been there for them in any way shape or form.
I have offered to him that IF he waives his parental rights he does not have to pay the back support of $15,000 nor pay future child support. I have not received child support for years and doesn't matter if I do. My concern is protecting my daughters from him and his temper and drinking and keeping them happy and thriving and not the mess they were 3 years ago. IF he truly cared for them - he would have straightened out and been there and he would have not just left.
It isn't about the money - it is about their well being and safety.
Is there a way to protect them?? Of does the "father's rights" over ride their rights?? I understand that he is their biological father - but that doesn't mean that he is capable of being one.
Any input would be totally appreciated.

[turbowray]

I would not sign the visitation papers that his lawyer has drawn up, and I would get an attorney of your own, to push supervised visits, or your lawyer could talk to his lawyer about signing over parental rights. I may be wrong, but if he did not see the girls for 3 years, for the court ordered visits, this may be grounds to pursue abandonment, but I am not a lawyer, and this is why you should get one on this. I am so sorry I can not offer any other advice, but if he has a lawyer, and you do not, you may not get what is in the best interest of the kids. Good luck to you!

[chiefsangel]

We went to court on the 9th and my daughters and I got "screwed". My attorney and his attorney discussed things via telephone and settled things that way - His attorney drew up the paper work and my attorney trusting that this other attorney stuck to his word to apply all that was agreed upon in the paper work DID NOT fully read all documents and signed the order to which the judge enforced yesterday. Their father now has unsupervised parenting time from 12 to 6 on every Sunday.
My daughters ran away from home last night. They were found, unharmed but that isn't the point. They fear this man because of his temper and the fact that he isn't a father/dad. I have to force them to go Sunday - if not I have been threatened with 30 days in jail for contempt - which I would gladly serve to protect my girls. I have never been treated this way before by a judge and have lost all faith in our justice/legal system.
I just don't know what to do. My fear is that my 12 year old will take off with her 8 year old sister while during his "parenting time" and not know where they are. I am getting her a cell phone to keep with her so she can call 911 if she feels threatened or leaves with her sister. I feel so helpless as a parent - a failure at this point.

Angel

[turbowray]

We went to court on the 9th and my daughters and I got "screwed". My attorney and his attorney discussed things via telephone and settled things that way - His attorney drew up the paper work and my attorney trusting that this other attorney stuck to his word to apply all that was agreed upon in the paper work DID NOT fully read all documents and signed the order to which the judge enforced yesterday. Their father now has unsupervised parenting time from 12 to 6 on every Sunday.
My daughters ran away from home last night. They were found, unharmed but that isn't the point. They fear this man because of his temper and the fact that he isn't a father/dad. I have to force them to go Sunday - if not I have been threatened with 30 days in jail for contempt - which I would gladly serve to protect my girls. I have never been treated this way before by a judge and have lost all faith in our justice/legal system.
I just don't know what to do. My fear is that my 12 year old will take off with her 8 year old sister while during his "parenting time" and not know where they are. I am getting her a cell phone to keep with her so she can call 911 if she feels threatened or leaves with her sister. I feel so helpless as a parent - a failure at this point.

Angel

Honey, it sounds like you didn't do anything wrong except not go over the papers with your lawyer, but that is not failing your daughters. If they run away when they are to be in his care, the police will ask why, and if it continues, then you will have another day in court. He is responsible for them when they are in his care. It will not look good if the girls keep running away, only when in his care. If you tell them not to run away (you don't have to mean it), then he can't accuse you of condoning thier actions. Good luck honey, keep us in touch. Has your lawyer since he screwed up, given you any ideas on what can be done in the future to try to fix this. Oh, the lawyer should NOT charge you for helping you undo what he did wrong, since he did not read the paperwork!

[weenor]

We went to court on the 9th and my daughters and I got "screwed". My attorney and his attorney discussed things via telephone and settled things that way - His attorney drew up the paper work and my attorney trusting that this other attorney stuck to his word to apply all that was agreed upon in the paper work DID NOT fully read all documents and signed the order to which the judge enforced yesterday. Their father now has unsupervised parenting time from 12 to 6 on every Sunday.
My daughters ran away from home last night. They were found, unharmed but that isn't the point. They fear this man because of his temper and the fact that he isn't a father/dad. I have to force them to go Sunday - if not I have been threatened with 30 days in jail for contempt - which I would gladly serve to protect my girls. I have never been treated this way before by a judge and have lost all faith in our justice/legal system.
I just don't know what to do. My fear is that my 12 year old will take off with her 8 year old sister while during his "parenting time" and not know where they are. I am getting her a cell phone to keep with her so she can call 911 if she feels threatened or leaves with her sister. I feel so helpless as a parent - a failure at this point.

Angel

I know this is emotional for you, but you really do need to take the drama out of all of this for children's sake. They are not just "your" daughters, they are his as well. He has a constitutional right to be a parent. It would be much better for your children if you would be supportive of the law and the fact that they need to see their father. Their attitude is likely a carry over from you. Get them into counseling so that they can learn to have a relationship with their father.

[chiefsangel]

I understand what you are saying - but from the birth of MY daughters he has considered them "life suckers". He has not ever been the dad/father that they needed. The girls were always a burden to him; when they were little and money was tight - -it would come down to his beer or diapers....and if he were stopping by the store he would get the beer. Some men are just not capable of being a dad. I am in contact with his older daughter (23) and she does not blame the girls for what they feel - she has already lived through him and realizes that he wasn't there nor did he provide for her and her brother. My daughters fear this man! He has been verbally and sometimes physically abusive to them. He ignores all court orders and gets away with it. And NO they don't need to see him - they are happy, outgoing children now - when "he" is in their lives they become withdrawn, they shut down, stay in their rooms, and cry at the drop of a dime. YOU may be a good dad/father - -but this man isn't it. Children aren't weapons against the other parent and the things that he done to my daughters in the past has been damaging enough to them. They have just overcome their fear of sleeping without any lights on in their room to have them go back to the they were. This guy use to tap on their bedrooms at nights, make noises etc..thinking they would run to him in fear. When they saw him doing this - it made things worse on his end.
I know that he has "fathers" rights - -but where are my daughters childrens rights???