[halo82]

I'm in a simalar situation... a little over a month ago me and my fiance went out and had too much to drink... we got into a fight and he was trying to take me home.. but I was stubborn and fighting with him cause I didn't want to go home. I tried to grab the steering wheel a few times and I got out of the car a couple times saying I was gonna walk home... he was trying to put me in the car to take me home and keep me from trying to take control of the car. He ended up pulling me out of the car infront of my house... I ended up with some bruises and scrathes from the struggle....
I tried calling him on the phone and he was tellin everyone at his house that I stabbed him in the leg... (I know did not stab him but did have a wound) then they hung up on me... I was so mad and scared... I thought he was gonna call the cops... so I felt I had no choice but to call the police. So I did... I went to the hospital and the police took pictures of my bruises and scratches...
I was so stupid... I shouldn't have pressed charges... I've done everything I could to drop them but they say I'm not the one who pressed the charges... the police are. They haven't arrested him... but I don't want him to go to jail...
I don't know what to do... can anyone help me?

[aaron]

You posted this in an existing thread, and didn't share the state where this happened. But I don't think that will ultimately make much difference.

I am not sure that you will want to hear what I'm going to tell you, but this is a relationship you need to end. You state he beat you badly enough, in a moving car of all places, that you had visible injuries a considerable time after the fight - then he lied and said you stabbed him in the leg. In my unfortunate experience, you are describing the type of pathological conduct of a batterer which gets worse over time.

The things most likely to save your fiancé from jail are things which are under his control - his history of violent conduct, his past encounters with the police, whether his probation officer believes he is getting his temper under control, whether the judge thinks he will do this again. You should be able to speak to the prosecutor about what you would like to have happen in the case, and may be able to make a victim's impact statement to the court.

[halo82]

You posted this in an existing thread, and didn't share the state where this happened. But I don't think that will ultimately make much difference.

I am not sure that you will want to hear what I'm going to tell you, but this is a relationship you need to end. You state he beat you badly enough, in a moving car of all places, that you had visible injuries a considerable time after the fight - then he lied and said you stabbed him in the leg. In my unfortunate experience, you are describing the type of pathological conduct of a batterer which gets worse over time.

but that's the thing though, he didn't beat me. I was acting crazy that night... I was grabbing the steering wheel and I even took the keys out of the egnition.... the bruises I have are from him holding my wrists so I wouldn't grab the wheel. And the scratches are from when I fell outside, after stupidly getting out of the car saying I was gonna walk home... he was trying to get me home.
The stab wound he got, now he says he doesn't remember how he got it... he says he noticed it on the way home that night... he just assumed I did it... but I told him that I didn't.

I'm in Florida btw.... and he doesn't have any police record.

[turbowray]

but that's the thing though, he didn't beat me. I was acting crazy that night... I was grabbing the steering wheel and I even took the keys out of the egnition.... the bruises I have are from him holding my wrists so I wouldn't grab the wheel. And the scratches are from when I fell outside, after stupidly getting out of the car saying I was gonna walk home... he was trying to get me home.
The stab wound he got, now he says he doesn't remember how he got it... he says he noticed it on the way home that night... he just assumed I did it... but I told him that I didn't.

I'm in Florida btw.... and he doesn't have any police record.

You stated that he pulled you out of the car at your home, and now,you say you fell out of the car, please quit trying to protect someone who hurt you.

[Clair Bonner]

but that's the thing though, he didn't beat me. I was acting crazy that night... I was grabbing the steering wheel and I even took the keys out of the egnition.... the bruises I have are from him holding my wrists so I wouldn't grab the wheel. And the scratches are from when I fell outside, after stupidly getting out of the car saying I was gonna walk home... he was trying to get me home.
The stab wound he got, now he says he doesn't remember how he got it... he says he noticed it on the way home that night... he just assumed I did it... but I told him that I didn't.

I'm in Florida btw.... and he doesn't have any police record.

My first instinct is to want to hold you, and make you feel better. What Aaron said is very true. But, what matters with your boyfriend's court case is what you said and reported to the police. It's out of your hands now. One of you will be going to jail because if you lie during the court case, you could be prosecuted for perjury and making a false police report. If you testify as to what you said in the report, then he'll be the one possibly going to jail. It's not a good situation for either of you, and like Aaron said, you deserve better. He should never have fought with you in or outside the car. He should have stopped and let you cool off, but never have touched you in anger or harmed you.

[halo82]

You stated that he pulled you out of the car at your home, and now,you say you fell out of the car, please quit trying to protect someone who hurt you.

no, I never said I fell out of the car.... I fell outside after getting out of the car.....

We were in the parking lot in the car when we started arguing... I got out of the car and walked off saying I was gonna walk home. He went after me because it's 15 miles home and he wanted ro drive me, so he pulled me back to the car. I fell cause I was pulling away from him.
After fighting in the car on the way home he pulled up infront of my house and pulled me out of the car.

My first instinct is to want to hold you, and make you feel better. What Aaron said is very true. But, what matters with your boyfriend's court case is what you said and reported to the police. It's out of your hands now. One of you will be going to jail because if you lie during the court case, you could be prosecuted for perjury and making a false police report. If you testify as to what you said in the report, then he'll be the one possibly going to jail. It's not a good situation for either of you, and like Aaron said, you deserve better. He should never have fought with you in or outside the car. He should have stopped and let you cool off, but never have touched you in anger or harmed you.

That night I told him to pull over so we could talk, and at one point he did... but he was too mad and just wanted to take me home.
He has never hit me or anything before this happened and I know he would never hit me.

I didn't lie in the police report. When I talked to the police I was still really drunk and mad and confused... I honestly don't remember some of what happened that night... so I know I left some stuff out.

it was just a crazy night that went too far.

[halo82]

What's going to happen next? Will we have to go to court?
I keep calling the state attorneys office and they keep saying it hasn't been brought up yet, so no decision is made.
If it does go to court, will my fiance have to go to jail before court? Can we make an agreement with a judge of some sort so he doesn't?

My aunt told me that she did that once, she signed an agreement with her ex, stating that if either of them hit the other then that person would go directly to jail.

[blondie2hot7]

This reminds me of the case going on right now in Ks. where a man shoved a cell phone down his girlfriends throat. She signed the statement at the hospital (she too was intoxicated) she said he was mad because of who she had been talking to on her cell phone, so he shoved it down her throat.. Now, all of a sudden she can't remember? The prosecution was trying to get a conviction, but now, because they can't her get to fess up to what "really" happened, they have a hung jury, and he's going to be re-tried. She is just trying to get him out of trouble, and they have had at least 5 other domestic calls to their house. If you listen to this incident, maybe it will make you change your mind.. "The best predictor of future behavior, is past behavior" and that sounds like it goes for both of you. I don't see how someone could possibly want someone who is abusive (whoever it is in this case) to not be punished. BTW They are requesting a change of venue, this case has had too much publicity here, so now that this girl suddenly can't remember, it's costing the state more and more tax dollars to try and convict this man.

[blondie2hot7]

[QUOTE=halo82]What's going to happen next? Will we have to go to court?
If it does go to court, will my fiance have to go to jail before court? Can we make an agreement with a judge of some sort so he doesn't?

In Ks. Once it's reported, it's in the states hands, and it's up to them to prosecute. They could give him probation, they could give him jail time. It depends on the defense atty and the prosecutor to agree what punishment he should recieve.. Again, I'm saying that's the law in Ks. 1st time offenders, unless it's aggravated assault, only get probation.

[blondie2hot7]

[QUOTE=halo82] He ended up pulling me out of the car infront of my house... I ended up with some bruises and scrathes from the struggle....


You did say he pulled you out of the car.. If you go into court changing your story, you are the one that's going to get in trouble, and so will your boyfriend. So, the only advice I can give you, is get the story straight before you go downtown with him.