Disabled Father That Can't Drive with Joint Custody of Daughter but Mother Won't Let

[disabled father]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois.


My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinois.


Hi,

I have been trying to find a solution for me to be able to see my daughter. I have joint custody of my daughter who lives with her mother 60 miles away. After the divorce I moved to a new location that was within 1 mile of my job and she moved 30 miles farther away but I was always the person that would pick up and drop off my daughter every other weekend for the first 4 years after our divorce where I would routinely have to take off work or leave work early to pick up my daughter, her mother has not worked since we divorced. I never had a problem with being the sole means of transportation until I was injured at work and have had 2 major back surgeries and I am now disabled, can not work and unable to drive due to my disability.

Her mother has moved 3 times since and now lives 60 miles from me and will not let me see my daughter unless I pick her up knowing that I am unable to do that now because of my disability. She has continued to hold a grudge because she continuously tells me that I don't pay her enough $ to live on and the court wouldn't award her alimony, only child support in which I have never missed a payment. Since my injury I would routinely give her gas money for dropping off my daughter but since the last time she moved (over the holidays) she has been asking for $100 for gas for her 120mile roundtrip drive) each time I want to see my daughter knowing I have no way to get her otherwise. This started over the holidays and when I wouldn't agree to her $100 payment twice a month for gas she then started telling my daughter that I was too busy to see her or I had more important things to do.

When she told me she wasn't dropping my daughter off for my Christmas I told her I had no choice but to hire an attorney and take her back to court and then she relented at that time... but I actually have no means to hire an attorney now that I have been on disability for 2 years, my savings account is depleted and I am currently living on pennies week to week. She has dropped my daughter off twice since the holidays as I agreed to give her gas money but now is calling my bluff on taking her to court in order to see my daughter. With Fathers Day coming up she will not respond to my requests for her to drop off my daughter unless I agree to pay her an additional $100 for driving her here in which I do not have.

What recourse do I have now to see my daughter if I am on disability not physically able to pick her up? My family lives in Florida and have no one else that can make the 120 mile roundtrip since her last move. What legal options do I have considering I can not afford to retain an attorney as I still owe money to my original attorney for the divorce and have not been able to pay off any of the balance since my surgery.

On top of this issue, my ex now receives 40% of my disability check every month(which is my only income) instead of the agreed upon 20% while I was fully able and employed. She is still receiving the same child support amount that was based on my full time income which I have not received in over 2 years since my back surgeries... while my disability payments are more than 50% less than my original income was that we agreed to base the child support payments on during the divorce - but she continues to constantly complain that I should be giving her more $ to live on.

I'm not sure where she thinks I am supposed to get more $ from as she is very well informed on my condition and predicament. She has not held a full-time job since we divorced and currently works odd jobs at her convenience bar-tending occasionally, other than that income she lives off of my child support I provide her and seems to have confused the meaning of child support and alimony.

I know this is quite long and complicated but I am at wits end here on what to do considering I have no alternatives. Seeing my daughter is the most important thing to me here, the extra child support she receives was not a big issue with me until recently when she began extorting me for more money to see my daughter.

Any advice would surely be appreciated as I have no means to legally rectify this and now that she knows that - I am helpless.

[jk]

if you cannot agree on transportation arrangements, you will have to address it through the courts.

Is there some reason you can not attempted to modify the child support order? Going from working to disabled is a major change of circumstances that are beyond your control.

I would not expect the court to order your ex deliver and pick up the child though. You need to figure out some means of transportation so you can provide your fair share or the travel. Is it possible your daughter use a bus or train to get close enough for a family member to be able to pick her up from the train or bus station?

[Dogmatique]

Assuming OP is on SSDI, the kids will qualify for dependent benefits; this is usually in lieu of child support and OP should absolutely file in court to modify based on his disability.

[disabled father]

Thank You for the reply.

I understand that I am going to have to unfortunately address this through the courts, there have many things that should have been addressed through the courts in the past but have always took the high-road when push came to shove because I was able and willing to make concessions to avoid having to exacerbate things and avoid further conflict as well as having to drag my daughter in the middle of things as far as the legal system is concerned .. and knowing my reluctance to do this my ex is playing me like a fiddle, now more than ever knowing that I do not have the means to take her to court. I am always willing to make concessions to avoid conflict or any confrontation but I am no long "able" to make the concessions my ex is has been accustomed to.

As far as alternative methods of transportation, I have suggested her utilizing our Metra train system which is located 3 miles from her and 1 mile from me(55minute ride) where I could have a neighbor pickup my daughter but her mother refuses to consider that alternative playing on my sympathy and stating that " If I cared about seeing my daughter I would make arrangements to provide her transportation and that she is not going to put our daughter on a train because she feels she is to young (12yrs old) and it is not safe.".... as I stated before other than that I have no other alternative since my family resides out of state and I can not force her to have my daughter take the train.....

My ex is well aware that I can not come pick her up and have no other alternative but to agree to give her $100 each time she drops her off which I am also financially unable to do... so of course she is playing this scenario to her advantage with my daughter(proclaiming if I cared about her I would pay her mom to drive her and especially with Fathers Day coming up she is hoping it pays off by playing on my sympathy) If I had the extra income I would just give it to her to avoid further conflict as I have in the past but that is no longer an option for me and knowing that she called my bluff about taking her to court to have the child support order modified she won't budge on her demands and knowing her she won't unless forced to do so.

So just as I don't have the financial ability to concede to her demands for more money I also don't have the financial flexibility to hire an attorney to mediate this in the courts, I am not legally savy but I have spent days and days searching the net for alternatives and looking for legal info on how I can rectify this or initiate legal proceedings to put pressure on her myself but to no avail. As mentioned -since my injury I have depleted my savings and had to borrow and borrow to the point where there is nothing left to borrow and have just had to let bills go unpaid, everything but my child support is in arrears. In the mean time I keep getting txt messages from my ex telling me " Your daughter would like to see you this weekend, have you made arrangements for her transportation or is she not important enough to you...?"

[Dogmatique]

Dad, have you gone here?

[jk]

You might also search for any pro-bono legal services. If there is a college with a law school close by, sometimes they offer some assistance for certain issues.

[disabled father]

Dogmatique,

Thank You, I am researching that site now, it looks helpful.

JK,

I am also researching pro-bono legal information, it is something I am not familiar with ... so far I have found most of it applies to woman with hardships. I live in Chicago with many colleges nearby and will inquire more about my options with any facilities that have law schools.

[jk]

just a couple things I found that you can look into if you haven't already:

http://www.illinoisattorneygeneral.g...t/probono.html

http://www.lafchicago.org/content/view/62/129/

http://www.chicagobar.org/AM/Templat...ContentID=2403

http://www.law.uchicago.edu/publicinterest/probono

http://www.americanbar.org/groups/pr...o_project.html

[disabled father]

Thank you, Very much appreciated!

[disabled father]

There has been some very informative information in those links, the term most helpful so far is the word "home bound" which is something I have never heard of before that applies to my situation and disablity.