False Abuse Allegations are Affecting Our Child

[cal007]

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Utah

Ok so long story short, my ex-inlaws (xmil, xsil) have stated to me and to others online that I or/and my husband (new husband) are sexually abusing my 4 year old daughter. Because of this we have had serious contention. Well now that aunt is talking to my daughter about inappropriate touch and my daughter is now scared of us seeing her naked. She wont let me assist her when she needs to change her clothes, she will tell me "mommy you cant touch my breasts". Although my daughter does need to be told about strangers and touch and whatnot, it is not their place. Because of the false allegations already I am afraid of what they might tell her or get her to say about is in the future. What legal standing do I have in regards to this, is this not some form of abuse!?? I havent found anywhere in the laws that say it is, but I am really curious.

Sidenote: Cannot limit contact with them, they have visitation rights, working to terminate those. The aunt lives with the ex-mil so she is there all the time! Thanks

[Mr. Knowitall]

You can continue to work to terminate their visitation rights. Is the father around? Is he taking a position on their conduct?

[cal007]

No, the biological father is deceased.

[aardvarc]

Ok so long story short, my ex-inlaws (xmil, xsil) have stated to me and to others online that I or/and my husband (new husband) are sexually abusing my 4 year old daughter.

And they've actually reported these suspicions to authorities, right? The courts take a pretty dim view on those responsible for a child (ie having visitation) who allege, yet fail to report, such things. This is an avenue to explore with your attorney.

Because of this we have had serious contention. Well now that aunt is talking to my daughter about inappropriate touch and my daughter is now scared of us seeing her naked. She wont let me assist her when she needs to change her clothes, she will tell me "mommy you cant touch my breasts". Although my daughter does need to be told about strangers and touch and whatnot, it is not their place.

Perhaps it's not. But you're going to have a very hard time telling a court that NOT talking to a child about such topics is "best". The issue isn't the topic itself, the issue is that you're apparantly concerned that the child is being coached that any touch from YOU is "bad". If that's the case, then the court is going to want to hear the expert opinion of a child psychologist or other professional who has evaluated the child and can give credibility to that claim.

Because of the false allegations already I am afraid of what they might tell her or get her to say about is in the future. What legal standing do I have in regards to this, is this not some form of abuse!??

At a psychological mind-game level, sure, it could be a form of abuse. But the truth is that only a few forms of abuse get considered by courts and authorities - physical abuse, physical neglect, and emotional abuse in conjunction with the child participating in or being exposed to criminal activity. Most emotional abuse simply falls under the category of "parenting" or "raising" a child. As it stands right now, the court has found it in the child's best interest to have contact with the GPs (and the GPs give the aunt access), so the burden is on you to prove to the court's satisfaction that this should be altered. Unless there is something that would make the court see some obvious or imminent danger to the child, then you're going to want a combination of psychological professionals to provide their opinions, and legal council who can present those opinions to the court before you can realistically anticipate the court considering severing the GPs visitation.

[cal007]

And they've actually reported these suspicions to authorities, right? The courts take a pretty dim view on those responsible for a child (ie having visitation) who allege, yet fail to report, such things. This is an avenue to explore with your attorney.

They claim they have reported us to CPS, we have yet to be investigated. Also they are stating these things to a LOT of other people


Perhaps it's not. But you're going to have a very hard time telling a court that NOT talking to a child about such topics is "best". The issue isn't the topic itself, the issue is that you're apparantly concerned that the child is being coached that any touch from YOU is "bad". If that's the case, then the court is going to want to hear the expert opinion of a child psychologist or other professional who has evaluated the child and can give credibility to that claim.

Its more that we are wanting to discuss these things with her and that we are concerned about her being coached. We took her to a child psychologist that specializes in play therapy, he was unable to get her to talk about ANYTHING! But in his professional opinion he say "nothing wrong with her". I guess its time to get a second opinion


At a psychological mind-game level, sure, it could be a form of abuse. But the truth is that only a few forms of abuse get considered by courts and authorities - physical abuse, physical neglect, and emotional abuse in conjunction with the child participating in or being exposed to criminal activity. Most emotional abuse simply falls under the category of "parenting" or "raising" a child. As it stands right now, the court has found it in the child's best interest to have contact with the GPs (and the GPs give the aunt access), so the burden is on you to prove to the court's satisfaction that this should be altered. Unless there is something that would make the court see some obvious or imminent danger to the child, then you're going to want a combination of psychological professionals to provide their opinions, and legal council who can present those opinions to the court before you can realistically anticipate the court considering severing the GPs visitation.

We are not necessarily wanted it severed, we are pretty sure we wont be able to achieve that. We would at least like to do something in regards to the Aunt being supervised and reducing the time that the Grandparents have, its excessive. We are discussing all possible avenues to take with this with our Lawyer but it is taking a while to get the ball moving.

[PQN]

Did you agree to the current visitation schedule in mediation? or did a judge order it against your wishes?

I would work with a therapist with experience with very young children. You need to see her for some sessions alone to develop a plan on how to talk to your daughter, some sessions with your daughter alone with the therapist so she can see what is happening and some joint sessions where the therapist can work on 'good touch-bad touch' so that your daughter feels safe with you but still maintains the skills to say 'stop' to someone else who may be doing something inappropriate. A single session isn't enough, you likely need a few months of weekly sessions so your daughter gets comfortable with the therapist.