Involuntary Termination of Parental Rights for Step Parent Adoption in Alabama

[ajohnson0705]

My question involves adoption law for the State of: Alabama

I need some help and advice. I have a 4 year old daughter by a man that I was not married to. We did live together for 2 years and his name is on the birth certificate (big mistake, but he threatened me harm if I didn't do it). My daughter has not seen him since we moved out when she was only a few months old. He absolutely refused to hold a stable job, has several other children that he was behind in support on, and I was working like a dog to support us. He was abusive when we were together both physically and mentally (though none was documented because I was fearful of retaltion) and he was controlling and would hardly allow me to even see my own family. In any event, I got to the point where I couldn't feed my baby and I decided I had enough. I told him to take me to court for visitation if that's what he wanted and I never heard from him again. (He threatened on numerous occassions to take her and never bring her back.) Since then, I've had no contact with him. I made sure to keep the same address and phone number for years before changing them, and other than blocking him through email, fb, and so forth I've been in the same place the whole time. There have been a few instances where he has sent me a message asking me to call him, but it's not my job to seek him out so I just let it go. That last time was probably 8 or 9 months ago.

In any case, I'm in a wonderful relationship now and my fiance and I plan to marry soon. My son only knows this man to be his father and he is ready and willing to adopt him as we already raise him together as it is. We've talked to an attorney and she says she thinks it's a good case on abandonment, but I am hoping that others in the area are going through the same thing. I don't want to do the wrong thing and have him end up with visitation. I don't want nor do I need his money. I'm just ready to move on with my life for good.

Please let me know what you think of this.

I failed to mention that he was addicted to prescription drugs and that's where all of our money went. Plus, he sold them illegally.

[Dogmatique]

Actually...it IS your legal obligation to facilitate the relationship between your child and her father. He requested contact and you ignored it. Not good, Mom.

And uh...which is it? Son or daughter?

Your child does know that your fiance isn't his/her father, correct?

Are there any court orders for child support in place?

[ajohnson0705]

My daughter does not have a clue who her real father is. She only knows my fiance as he is the only person that has been in her life during this period. There was never a child support order in place. I sought legal advice in the beginning and was told that I should put the burden on him to file for vistation. I knew from his past that he would not pay, so the attorney told me not to waste my money. That was how I left it with him. I told him that I wasn't going to continue to fight and argue with him and if he wanted a relationship with her, he needed to go through the court system to protect us all. I have yet to be served with any papers. As for facilitating a relationship, I would have gladly done so if he had shown any interest. I made it easy on him by keeping the same phone number, email address and mailing address for years, and heard nothing from him. Contacting me on an obscure website that I hadn't logged into in nearly 5 years doesn't constitute an attempt to make substantial contact, does it? I would gladly have facilitated a relationshp if the desire on his part existed. I even allowed him to join a family function not long after we split up, and then when I said I needed diapers, all of a sudden things changed. He told me he wasn't giving me anything until he saw her, and I told him he wasn't going to see her until he showed some kind of intent to live up to his obligation. I offered to let him see her in my home, but that wasn't good enough either, and I certainly wasn't going to allow him to take her anywhere because he had already told me that she would never come back. All I asked him to do 4 years ago was to go through the court system and do things right. As for me not filing for support, I didn't want his support. He was a drug addict, abusive, controlling, and down right an awful person. He has a past with his exes as well, but I didn't know that until well into our relationship. I was trapped and the only thing that gave me the strength to escape was that another life depended on me. He is not the kind of person I want to subject my child to, especially after seeing what his other children and their families went through. And no, it was not a planned pregnancy...in fact, I first discovered I was pregnant while he sat in jail.

[Dogmatique]

My daughter does not have a clue who her real father is. She only knows my fiance as he is the only person that has been in her life during this period.

The general consensus amongst healthcare and child-care professionals is that it's never a good idea to lie to your children about their heritage. It can be done in an age-appropriate manner, but your daughter needs to know who her father is.

There was never a child support order in place.

OK - that means he was never legally obligated to pay anything.

I sought legal advice in the beginning and was told that I should put the burden on him to file for vistation. I knew from his past that he would not pay, so the attorney told me not to waste my money. That was how I left it with him. I told him that I wasn't going to continue to fight and argue with him and if he wanted a relationship with her, he needed to go through the court system to protect us all. I have yet to be served with any papers. As for facilitating a relationship, I would have gladly done so if he had shown any interest. I made it easy on him by keeping the same phone number, email address and mailing address for years, and heard nothing from him. Contacting me on an obscure website that I hadn't logged into in nearly 5 years doesn't constitute an attempt to make substantial contact, does it? I would gladly have facilitated a relationshp if the desire on his part existed. I even allowed him to join a family function not long after we split up, and then when I said I needed diapers, all of a sudden things changed. He told me he wasn't giving me anything until he saw her, and I told him he wasn't going to see her until he showed some kind of intent to live up to his obligation. I offered to let him see her in my home, but that wasn't good enough either, and I certainly wasn't going to allow him to take her anywhere because he had already told me that she would never come back. All I asked him to do 4 years ago was to go through the court system and do things right. As for me not filing for support, I didn't want his support. He was a drug addict, abusive, controlling, and down right an awful person. He has a past with his exes as well, but I didn't know that until well into our relationship. I was trapped and the only thing that gave me the strength to escape was that another life depended on me. He is not the kind of person I want to subject my child to, especially after seeing what his other children and their families went through. And no, it was not a planned pregnancy...in fact, I first discovered I was pregnant while he sat in jail.

....none of that changes anything.

He will need to be notified at the very least and will have the chance to object.

Either way, you'll need the assistance of an attorney. Stepparent adoptions are rarely do-it-yourself projects.