I sought legal advice in the beginning and was told that I should put the burden on him to file for vistation. I knew from his past that he would not pay, so the attorney told me not to waste my money. That was how I left it with him. I told him that I wasn't going to continue to fight and argue with him and if he wanted a relationship with her, he needed to go through the court system to protect us all. I have yet to be served with any papers. As for facilitating a relationship, I would have gladly done so if he had shown any interest. I made it easy on him by keeping the same phone number, email address and mailing address for years, and heard nothing from him. Contacting me on an obscure website that I hadn't logged into in nearly 5 years doesn't constitute an attempt to make substantial contact, does it? I would gladly have facilitated a relationshp if the desire on his part existed. I even allowed him to join a family function not long after we split up, and then when I said I needed diapers, all of a sudden things changed. He told me he wasn't giving me anything until he saw her, and I told him he wasn't going to see her until he showed some kind of intent to live up to his obligation. I offered to let him see her in my home, but that wasn't good enough either, and I certainly wasn't going to allow him to take her anywhere because he had already told me that she would never come back. All I asked him to do 4 years ago was to go through the court system and do things right. As for me not filing for support, I didn't want his support. He was a drug addict, abusive, controlling, and down right an awful person. He has a past with his exes as well, but I didn't know that until well into our relationship. I was trapped and the only thing that gave me the strength to escape was that another life depended on me. He is not the kind of person I want to subject my child to, especially after seeing what his other children and their families went through. And no, it was not a planned pregnancy...in fact, I first discovered I was pregnant while he sat in jail.