Custody and Visitation Between Unmarried Parents, 4 Month Old

[Aparker]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Alabama

My boyfriend has a 4month old son with his ex and she is refusing to help him see his son bc of his current relationship status. He is a full time college student and a college athlete so his schedule is seriously hectic. She sends his threatening text messages about keeping his son from him. He wants to be with his son and have a relationship with him but he doesn't want anything to do with her bc of her actions. What r his options? Is there a way for him to have joint custody? She won't even let him be alone with his son when he is visiting and she won't let him keep him alone bc he is with me.

[Dogmatique]

He can file to establish paternity (if that hasn't been done), joint legal custody and a decent visitation schedule.

He should be prepared for short, frequent visits in Mom's community at first. Dad should also be realistic here. Obviously he and Mom split up either while she was pregnant or shortly after the birth; no matter who left who she's naturally going to be wary about another woman on the scene. And seriously, the baby is only 4 months old....Mom is likely still VERY hormonal and emotional.

It's probably best that you aren't present during visitation, at least initially.

Edited: Without a court order, Mom doesn't have to allow ANY visitation at all. Just fyi.

[Aparker]

Ok thank u so much. At what age do u think he will be able to keep him maybe a weekend or something. And i keep my distance when it comes to his son but she tries to use his son against him bc of his relationship and I want him happy and he will be if he knows he can Be in his sons life

[Dogmatique]

It really depends a lot on Mom - there are no set "rules" in your State, but very generally speaking overnight are more commonly ordered between 6 months and 1 year old, and full weekends after that. But Mom is able to allow Dad more access sooner if she wishes.

[chrismoore2]

Aparker,
I have gone thru nearly the same exact thing. College, the ex and everything. My advise, which I cannot stress enough, is get the parenting plan done NOW!!!!!! I know his schedule is hectic. If you want to help, go on the internet, get the parenting plan written for him. If you want, I will send you mine. The longer she has physical custody, the harder it will be to guarantee time. It is an old ploy (that unfortunately still works) to keep the child away, and then claim that the other parent has had no contact. Some parents will go so far as to enroll the child in school in another state, and then when they are finally able to go to court, the other parent cannot get custody since the child is "established". All contact between him and the ex should be in email if possible, you need written records of everything. If things get bad on the phone, he needs to politely get off. Before school age, a 50/50 parentin plan is possible. After that, the battle can get nasty. If both parents are on equal footing that is. Otherwise, by default, its the woman who gets the child. Not saying there aren't father rights states out there...but as my lawyer put it to me "If you ever want to see sexism, just look at the courts". I stress....parenting plan...NOW! File petitioner pro se if you have to...or file for legal assistance. keep in touch, I have 8 years and counting of going through this....I am actually filing to change my parenting plan this week.

[Dogmatique]

50/50 is unlikely to be ordered unless both parents agree.

And certainly not for an infant - that's actually a horrible schedule for an infant.

[Dogmatique]

You're not even bothering to read these posts are you?

[chrismoore2]

I agree....the infant if the mother is breastfeeding wont happen. However if the child is formula fed, then its fine. He has a hectic schedule, and trying to do school and a job and sleepless nights is not easy (I know), so for now, I agree 50/50 may not be in anyones best interest. However, i would then suggest a temporary order that has a temporary schedule in it. Then when the child is about 1 (sleeping through the night would be best I think) I would file a permanent plan.

You need to see how your child support is calculated as well. I know that hasnt happened yet, but its a pretty good bet it will. There is a certain number of days that is usually a breaking point for who pays (or the majority). Like in Montana, its 235. So getting a 50/50 plan is best. There is argument however, that 50/50 is not best for the child, that being grounded more in one family is better than split between the two. This is a point of contention that I do not know if it has a right answer, but I understand both sides. So, this early in his son's life, he needs to decide the rest of his and his sons future, or at least once he goes for a permanent plan. Money shouldn't be an issue when it come to loving and wanting to say how many days you want to be with your child, but lets face it, its reality.

[Dogmatique]

Seriously, breastfeeding isn't the reason why 50/50 is not likely to be ordered against the wishes of one parent. 50/50 takes a lot of communication, good faith and ample co-parenting skills if it's to be successful, and the courts still don't like to order it unless both parties agree.

And Moms all over the country are being told that they can pump

[Aparker]

Honestly thank you so much for these posts! Keep then coming we are taking notes!!!