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  1. #11
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    Apr 2011
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    Default Re: Paternal Grandmother Wants My Daughter

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    Mom, here's the thing.

    If grandma was GENUINELY concerned about you abusing or neglecting the child, she likely would have done something about it before now. It truly does appear that she's just trying to frighten you into complying to whatever it is she wants.

    If it were me...well, I'd follow the current court order until it gets modified by a judge. That means if there is an order saying Dad has visitation during X & Y, he'll get his visitation. Don't give him ANY reason to paint you in a bad light in court. Withholding visitation is the fastest way to get the court to sympathize with Dad no matter what his child support payment history (or lack thereof!) might be.

    If you can show that he's a) doing drugs and b) that it's directly placing your child in danger, then you submit this proof - but unless there is imminent danger, you still can't really go against the current court orders.

    Now for his mother.

    The best way to counter any lawsuit is by allowing Dad to exercise HIS visitation. Because grandma is expected to see her grandchild during his parenting time. If he chooses not to, that's on him and grandma can go and get all pissy with him, not you.

    IF she files suit, you'll end up in mediation first. And frankly, you'd be best advised NOT to agree to anything in mediation. This is one of the very few times I'd ever say that to a parent involved in a family law matter - but seriously, meditation is in my very humble opinion meant to aid parents, not parents vs. grandparents. If grandma wants enforceable visitation, make her prove her case in front of a judge.

    Because honestly Mom, once court-ordered GPV is in place it's very, very difficult to get that overturned.

    You still haven't been served with anything, correct?
    Hey!

    No, I have not been served with anything, this just happened between the paternal grandmother and I this past Saturday night. When it comes to visitation, I also told my child's father that if he wants to see our daughter, he can come to visit her at our home. Before I even took him back to court in December '09 (and this was the FIRST time that I had taken him to court for back child support. For the most part, he and anyone in his family can tell you that I have never kept my daughter away from him, his mom, or anyone else for that matter. Sure, there have been times when her dad didn't step in, I would become angry and tell him he can't see his child because he acts as if he doesn't give a damn about her, but in the end, I would always comply and do what was expected of me when it came to his visitation with our daughter.) The only reason I don't feel comfortable with my daughter being near her dad while she's over his mom's house is because of his girlfriend. I know I keep bringing her up, but this is the first time he has EVER allowed his girlfriend to act the way she's acting toward me. I have tried and tried my best to be civil, but in the end, things always go right back to square one, with me and my child's father and his family falling out over something that he ultimately did or didn't do. And I know he has rights to see our daughter, but honestly, he has NEVER, on a consistent basis, come to pick our daughter up or spend time with her, mainly because he know he's doing wrong by not doing the right thing for our child. I have never, up until now, told him to back off until he can get his priorities straight. The times our child has been around him, him and his girlfriend are out there in the middle of their screaming matches, with our daughter coming back home to tell me what went on during her visit with her dad. Before all of this happened, I was always willing to allow our daughter into her dad's life-with me usually being the main one holding up on my end of the bargain when it came to visitation. So it's not like up until now he was in our daughter's life voluntarily, this is just the first time that they have seen how adamant I am about my child and her surroundings when it came to her dad. This may be irrelevant, but his girlfriend told me one time that when our daughter would be with him for the weekend, he would wait until our daughter falls asleep at night, and then he would get up through the night to go back to his girlfriend and her kids, while his child is left at his mom's house for his mom to take care of and watch over. At this point, I feel so defeated because I have, with all of the power within me, tried and tried, for the past 13 years, work to be civil with her dad, but the civility between him and I would always be short-lived. I have endured this back and forth stuff since our daughter was born 14 years ago. I'm now just getting to the point of intolerance for him and his mom, when she and everyone else know why we are at this point of our dilemma. Yet and still, I'm the actual target. I just don't get it....

    And you're right, I should continue my effort to allowing our daughter in his life so he wouldn't have anything against me. I'm just worried about her well-being when she's with him. I don't like it that when she's with her dad, he's hanging outside drinking with his "boys"....but I have to admit, I do have way more trust in his mom to care for my child when she's over their house.

  2. #12
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: Paternal Grandmother Wants My Daughter

    Quote Quoting LoveJoy
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    Hey!

    No, I have not been served with anything, this just happened between the paternal grandmother and I this past Saturday night. When it comes to visitation, I also told my child's father that if he wants to see our daughter, he can come to visit her at our home. Before I even took him back to court in December '09 (and this was the FIRST time that I had taken him to court for back child support. For the most part, he and anyone in his family can tell you that I have never kept my daughter away from him, his mom, or anyone else for that matter. Sure, there have been times when her dad didn't step in, I would become angry and tell him he can't see his child because he acts as if he doesn't give a damn about her, but in the end, I would always comply and do what was expected of me when it came to his visitation with our daughter.) The only reason I don't feel comfortable with my daughter being near her dad while she's over his mom's house is because of his girlfriend. I know I keep bringing her up, but this is the first time he has EVER allowed his girlfriend to act the way she's acting toward me. I have tried and tried my best to be civil, but in the end, things always go right back to square one, with me and my child's father and his family falling out over something that he ultimately did or didn't do. And I know he has rights to see our daughter, but honestly, he has NEVER, on a consistent basis, come to pick our daughter up or spend time with her, mainly because he know he's doing wrong by not doing the right thing for our child. I have never, up until now, told him to back off until he can get his priorities straight. The times our child has been around him, him and his girlfriend are out there in the middle of their screaming matches, with our daughter coming back home to tell me what went on during her visit with her dad. Before all of this happened, I was always willing to allow our daughter into her dad's life-with me usually being the main one holding up on my end of the bargain when it came to visitation. So it's not like up until now he was in our daughter's life voluntarily, this is just the first time that they have seen how adamant I am about my child and her surroundings when it came to her dad. This may be irrelevant, but his girlfriend told me one time that when our daughter would be with him for the weekend, he would wait until our daughter falls asleep at night, and then he would get up through the night to go back to his girlfriend and her kids, while his child is left at his mom's house for his mom to take care of and watch over. At this point, I feel so defeated because I have, with all of the power within me, tried and tried, for the past 13 years, work to be civil with her dad, but the civility between him and I would always be short-lived. I have endured this back and forth stuff since our daughter was born 14 years ago. I'm now just getting to the point of intolerance for him and his mom, when she and everyone else know why we are at this point of our dilemma. Yet and still, I'm the actual target. I just don't get it....



    Here's the thing though - unless your court orders actually state that visitation cannot be at Dad's house with the girlfriend present...you really can't stop him from taking her over there.

    Really this can seriously hurt you in court.

    I know you have your reasons, but you don't want to give either him OR his Mom any ammunition against you. Anything at all. Because the courts will be looking at which parent is more likely to encourage and facilitate the relationship between the child and the other parent.

    The last thing you want to do is actually lose primary custody, right? I know it's eating at you - but Dad is allowed to parent his child, during his parenting time, however he wants.

    He can leave her with his Mom, he can even leave her with his girlfriend while he goes to the bar. And while it might be crappy parenting on his side, he's even allowed to have his girlfriend treat you with disrespect. You can't hold that against him - only the court can do that.

    If she and Dad go too far, the courts will catch up and act upon it - trust me.

    In the meantime, the best - and really, the only - option you have is to take a deep breath and paint that smile on your face. Take your daughter over to her Dad's per the court order.

    Just to clarify because I don't see if you've spelled it out - but what exactly does your court order say about visitation? Word for word minus names.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    Default Re: Paternal Grandmother Wants My Daughter

    Hey:

    When it comes to visitation, you are right, I should ablige. You mentioned that unless the court has been specific in telling Dad to keep his girlfriend away from our child, that's when it's OK because the court said so. However, I DID tell DHS visitation while we were in court that I didn't feel comfortable with his girlfriend around my daughter because even on that day, her dad had a very visible and very long scratch all the way down his neck from them physically fighting. The DHS visitation people asked me for his girlfriend's name, and HE, not me, gave the DHS people that information(his girlfriend's name). We (or at least he did, I don't remember if I had to or not), had to sign papers stating that my child's father's girlfriend is NOT allowed around my daughter when Dad has her. Whether they fully complied, I don't know. However, my daughter would come home and tell me that his girlfriend would be around anyway, it wouldn't be for long, but in my eyes, Dad still violated the court order because he still had his girlfriend around our child AFTER papers were signed for his girlfriend to stay away from our child. His girlfriend found out about it, and called me up ONCE AGAIN trying to confront me as to why I don't want her around my daughter. She was yelling and screaming and cursing all in the phone at me, but was still wondering why I don't want her around my child. Dad told me once that his girl was admitted into a mental hospital back when she was a teenager. I have no proof of this, though. I really don't know what to do because I do remember her Dad giving DHS his girlfriend's name, and I DO remember them telling Dad that his girl doesn't need to be around our child. They told him that the time he and our daughter have together is just that-HIS time, and no-one else's. I have to find the court order, but basically it says that he is responsible for paying $100/month, and he is allowed time with her from Friday at 6pm-Sunday at 6pm. We were to rotate holidays, and as for Mother's Day, I can have her, Father's Day, Dad can have her. The court order was established in July 1998, and like I said, up until December '09, I had NEVER taken Dad to court for non-payment, he still continud to see his child-up until all of this drama started. It really doesn't matter to me if his girl and I get along, but I felt that he could have at least told her to not call my house with non-sense.

    Once I find the court order, I will provide you with the rest

  4. #14
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    Apr 2009
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    Default Re: Paternal Grandmother Wants My Daughter

    To clarify - does your current court order actually state that Little Miss Violent Girlfriend is specifically NOT allowed to be present during Dad's visitation?

    (I don't mean a voluntary agreement signed by Dad - I mean the papers you have signed by the Judge)

    (You've actually done pretty well in listing the current order - that's what I was trying to find out. You have a set schedule, versus "liberal visitation" or something equally vague)
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  5. #15
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    Apr 2011
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    Default Re: Paternal Grandmother Wants My Daughter

    Quote Quoting Dogmatique
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    To clarify - does your current court order actually state that Little Miss Violent Girlfriend is specifically NOT allowed to be present during Dad's visitation?

    (I don't mean a voluntary agreement signed by Dad - I mean the papers you have signed by the Judge)

    (You've actually done pretty well in listing the current order - that's what I was trying to find out. You have a set schedule, versus "liberal visitation" or something equally vague)
    Thanks

    Um...I really don't know when it comes to the original court order. When I find it, I will share it with you for in-depth understanding. No, the original order did not say anything about his girlfriend not being around our child because that was in 1998. But I do have a question: when we were in court for child support back in December 2009, DHS made us BOTH sign papers stating that we cannot be under the influence of any type of drugs or alcohol. The next court date, (which was about a month later), DHS had him and I, or just him sign papers stating that his girlfriend is not allowed around our daughter when she's with Dad. So the question is this: if I signed papers along with Dad to not be under the influence of drugs or alcohol in the presence of our daughter, but I drink and do drugs anyway while our child is around me, does that mean that I violated what was signed with DHS's visitation? Because if it does, and given the fact that that particular statement was not signed into the actual court order, does that mean that if Dad wants to bring hothead around our child, that he won't be in violation? I don't understand why they would have us signing papers on those two statements if they were not going to enforce them in court. DHS was in court with us, and after we were done in front of the judge with our case, DHS visitation and us went into a seperate room outside of the court room, but still in the court house (I hope I'm making sense here!), that is where we signed the papers stating what we agreed to not do in the presence of our child. I don't drink (maybe a glass of wine occasionally, nor do I smoke marijuana, but I do smoke cigerettes.) If that's known as drugs and alcohol, then, yes, I am in total violation...LOL. I don't know why they would have us to sign papers when it wouldn't hold up in court just because we were in court, but not in the actual court room. I truly thought that what we signed could indeed hold up in a court of law.

    The set schedule...hmmm....let me go ahead and find those papers!

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