Biological Father Rights? Never Seen Child or Paid Child Support

[marty22]

My question involves paternity law for the State of: New Hampshire

I conceived a child with another man during the course of an informal separation from my husband. The separation was not a legal one; we just lived separately a period of two months. My husband and I decided to reconcile and he was fully aware that I was pregnant by another man. My husband is the biological father of our two older children and he decided to love this non-biological child as his own. (I'm well aware of how lucky I am.)

The biological father (Ben) was made aware that he fathered a child in person immediately after I took a pregnancy test. He has known about his biological daughter (Abby) since I was 4 weeks pregnant. Ben stated from Day 1 that he wanted nothing to do with Abby. He was not involved with the pregnancy, nor has he ever seen her. I asked Ben to terminate parental rights, but since I was married he would have had to establish paternity in the first place in order to terminate it. He wanted nothing to do with the situation and would not consent. My husband is therefore listed on the birth certificate.

I have emailed pictures and updates of Abby to Ben numerous times during the course of my pregnancy and her first year of life. (Abby is now 2 and 1/2 years old.) Ben has always maintained through calls and texts that he wants nothing to do with her emotionally or financially. I wanted to make sure that Abby knew someday that I always was open to her biological father, and that it wasn't a scenario where I had kept her a secret from him or that I did not allow her to have a relationship with him. She is supported 100% emotionally and financially by my husband and I; I never wanted Ben to pay a cent nor force him to visit her. Only if it was something he truly wanted. He is an unstable person (in and out of mental institutions, prisons) and I would never force someone to care for a baby when he is telling me he does not care for her. God knows how he would treat her.

She is now 2 and 1/2 years old. After not hearing from Ben nor contacting him for over a year, I received a series of emails where he is sounding regretful and may want to meet her. He is a very unstable person and I am afraid of what this may mean. Abby knows my husband as Daddy and now that Ben is having second thoughts 3 years later I need to know what his rights are. Can he still file a paternity suit now that she is 2 and 1/2? I never pursued child support and he was well aware he was the father through emails and calls. Has he legally revoked any right to file a paternity suit since he has wanted nothing to do with up until this point?

Bio father lives in Massachusetts and we (myself, husband, Abby and our two other children) live in NH.

I have a limited amount of emails where he makes it clear he wants nothing to do with her and proof that I sent pictures and updates. Would these prove beneficial if he has the ability to pursue a paternity suit? I don't have of the texts as my phone from that period was stolen. Or can he just deny the emails are even from him?

Many thank you to anyone who can guide me.

[aardvarc]

Until he goes to court to establish rights, he doesn't have any. At this point the child HAS a legal father. I don't see anything in NH statutes that would prevent him from bringing a case; up until the child turns 18. It doesn't matter what level of contact he has had with her, if there's the possibility that he's the father, he can BRING a case. With that said however, bringing a case doesn't mean that the court will find it in the child's best interest to establish paternity to a biological father. The court will have to take many factors into account, but be aware that regardless of his PAST disinterest in the child, if he actually DOES file a paternity suit, that in and of itself is evidence that he DOES have interest. IF he brings suit, then you raise the issues of continuity for the child, best interests of the child, and submit any evidence that would give the court reason to find him unfit. If his history of "problems" pre-dated the conception, they will have MUCH less impact, since sleeping with him at that point has the effect of telling the court that you found him fit at that time to be a potential father. The court is also likely to consider that you've clearly maintained open communication with him about the child, and this may be further interpreted by the court as your endorsement of him as a potential figure in the child's life. From a legal standpoint, it's probably NOT a good idea to be doing the "mixed signals" thing. If your husband is the legal father, and you want to keep it that way, it's not a good idea to keep bio dad "in the loop" of the child's life, as you shoot down your own arguements against him. If he WANTS to be in the loop, then let him bring suit.