Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    9

    Default How Can I Prove That Mom is Unfit

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: TN

    So my wife and I (now seperated/ not divorced yet) got pregnant with our first child last novemeber. She is due august 13, 2011. I know its a little early to start all of this custody discussion but I am scheduled to leave for Basic Military Training in April and am concerned with being able to get information after that point.
    Before we got married, my wife had had some drug issues. She had made alot of progress in breaking her bad habits once we got married. And when we found out she was pregnant she did quit using. At this point, our marriage was going fantastic. We had an apartment in Huntsville, AL, We had just gotten back from a trip to see her family in AR, and we were very excited about the pregnancy. However, in late december, 2010, we found out that we were going to have to move out of our apartment. She suggested we move to Taft, TN (halfhour from huntsville/ where she lived when we met). I knew that she had friends out there and figured it would make sense bc she was not working and it would enable her to be with her friends while i was at work. On Jan 1, 2011 we moved to Taft. This is the point where the marriage took a fatal turn.

    Very suddenly (2-3 days) she has pushed me away and starts acting distant. Come to find out, her friends (whom i didnt know well) were using drugs and had convinced her that using pot and rx pills would not harm the baby. So she succumbed to the peer pressure and started using these drugs. After I found out I voiced my concerns and told her that she needed to stop. She accused me of acting like her parent and trying to change her. When i found her in bed with a local drug dealer, I left.

    So now we've seperated and I am concerned about the safety of the baby. After much drama and pressure she decided to go back to AR. So, thinkin that shed be in AR with her parents, I decided to move back to FL and spend time with my parents before leaving for BMT. However, once i was in FL, she changed her mind and stayed in Taft. She is living with her friends (the ones who got her back on drugs) and she has expressed to me her intent on staying with or near them even after the baby is born. If the baby does make it to term, I dont want my child raised in that environment. She says she wants primary custody and will not budge on her stance. Even if she does clean up her act and stop using drugs, she will still be hanging out with people who do them. But I know it is extremely difficult for a father to get primary custody.

    So, how do i go about getting custody? Being a woman, she automatically has the upperhand. Do I have to prove that she is unfit? How does the court define 'unfit'?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    27,013

    Default Re: How Can I Prove That Mom is Unfit

    What proof do you have that she's taking drugs? You're currently out of State and about to go to BMT, yes?

    This alone seriously hinders your chances of getting custody unless Mom a) tests positive (and believe it or not, some doctors actually prescribe marijuana to ease morning sickness during pregnancy - so you might be fighting a losing battle to begin with on that one) and b) social services step in.

    All you can really do is wait, at this point.

    Defining "unfit" is difficult, and proving it even moreso. You're talking things like serious neglect or abuse, Mom shacking up with Charles Manson, Mom getting 5 DUIs in a month with the child present...that kind of thing.

    Smoking pot generally isn't going to be a big deal.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    9

    Default Re: How Can I Prove That Mom is Unfit

    Yeah, I'm in Florida and I leave for BMT in April.

    She did test positive on a home drug test. Her parents made her take one when they came from AR to try to talk some sense into her. I did call social services and they said that they'd start an investigation but that they can't really do anything while the child is in utero.

    What if I can prove that the environment is unfit or that the environment that I can provide would be in the better interest of the child? I have witnessed her friends dealing/using drugs in front of children as young as 18 months.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    424

    Default Re: How Can I Prove That Mom is Unfit

    You can't prove that you can provide a better environment because you can't have the baby with you at BMT. How old will the baby be when you are done with BMT?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    9

    Default Re: How Can I Prove That Mom is Unfit

    Ill finish with BMT in May, the baby is not due till august. After BMT though, i go to tech school which will last until next January. I wont be able to get custody until January when i get assigned to a permanent duty station. The baby will be between 4 and 5 months old then. Im just trying to get ideas and do research now bc once i am in training it will be much more difficult to do so.

    If she is still around drug users and dealers at that point, there has to be something I can do to get the baby out of that environment.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    27,013

    Default Re: How Can I Prove That Mom is Unfit

    That's not going to work.

    If the child is at risk, the child is at risk - period. CPS will be need to be involved and if you can't take placement, the child will go into foster care, possibly placed with relatives. Once you're done with tech school, you'd have a shot at placement.

    But you can't really leave the child with Mom in the same situation and then 5 months down the line decide it's no longer acceptable - y'know?
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    9

    Default Re: How Can I Prove That Mom is Unfit

    That is a good point. If it is still going on down the road, then cps will definately get into the mix. Her parents have volunteered to take custody until i get to my permanent duty station which would be fine by me.

    Thats why im doing research now. I need all the help i can get. I just wanna do what is best for my kid and i know that being in the environment she provides is not good enough.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    27,013

    Default Re: How Can I Prove That Mom is Unfit

    ...and by that point, either Mom or her parents will have status quo on their side and you'll still have an uphill battle on your hands.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    9

    Default Re: How Can I Prove That Mom is Unfit

    Her parents are on my side. Can we work some kind of agreement to let them have temporary custody until i get to my permanent station? They would agree to that.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Somewhere near Canada
    Posts
    27,013

    Default Re: How Can I Prove That Mom is Unfit

    Would Mom agree to this?

    If not - nope. It isn't happening. And seriously - this is really moot. There is no child yet, legally speaking. And by the time paternity has been established, Mom will have had custody for several months. She wants custody (according to the other posts in this thread) so you're all back to square one - proving that she's unfit.

    I'm sorry hon, but I don't see this happening.

    Not unless Mom agrees to what you're wanting to do.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

    1. Sponsored Links
       

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Establishing an Order: Unfit Father
    By samantharichardson in forum Child Custody and Visitation
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-20-2011, 01:45 PM
  2. Grandparents and Third Parties: Dad's Dead, Mom's Unfit
    By nygrandMAd in forum Child Custody and Visitation
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 04-09-2009, 05:00 PM
  3. Child Neglect: Unfit Mother
    By katee in forum Abuse and Neglect
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-01-2008, 10:59 AM
  4. Court Said Ex Was Unfit Mom
    By shealou in forum Child Custody and Visitation
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-11-2008, 11:28 AM
  5. Unfit Mother
    By unanswered in forum Child Custody and Visitation
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12-17-2007, 01:53 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
 
Forum Sponsor
Custody Lawyer
Get help for your custody case. Consult a divorce lawyer for free.




Untitled Document